eleutheromaniac

Since I'll be using this thread as a reference in my critiques, and my previous examples sucked, here's a few more to help clarify the point that I'm making.

All subject first paragraph;

He tentatively entered the school for the first time. The students, rushing to their classrooms, paid no attention to him. His friends were no where to be seen.


Subject first sentence;

John Smith, son of an English writer, was working on his first novel in his brother's study at fourteen.

Subject modifier first;

Son of an English writer ......

Predicate modifier first;

At fourteen, ..... or, In his brother's study .......

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ThomasGG

is that what you mean, instead of having

"The suns rays twisted through the windscreen, sweat began to ooze through the fibers of Mark’s jeans."

we change it to

"Sweat began to ooze from Marks jeans as the suns rays twisted through the windscreen."

i was trying this stuff before and i find sometimes i accidently start writing passive, as instead of the the man kicked the rock. it goes to, the rock was kicked by the man. i always thought that was a no no

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eleutheromaniac

"He kicked the rock" is passive to begin with, that has nothing to do with the subject-predicate-object order. "He is kicking the rock" is the present tense. BTW: passive writing isn't always a bad thing.

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Airborneguy

Speaking of... does anyone now what yesterday was to this thread?

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eleutheromaniac

I can hardly wait. Oh, that was the punchline. HAHAHAHAhahaha *cough*

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Airborneguy

No one knows? I meant to post this yesterday, but I was convinced everyone would know this... I'm not going to answer it, at least not yet. Someone has to know.

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eleutheromaniac

Hemingway's birthday?

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Airborneguy

Nope.. the opposite

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A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only once...

eleutheromaniac

His unbirthday! Well whaddya know, it's was my unbirthday, too!
(I seriously thought you were making a clever joke with that first post. should've known better.)

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Airborneguy

Yesterday was the day Hemingway shot himself in 1961 at his Idaho home.

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Drzava

Keep it simple stupid(s)

Capulet

Today is Canada Day! Yaaaaaay!

But on the topic of the post, it's important to vary your sentences for sure. If anyone is interested, I can write a little something up on it. I can't give it enough focus here at work, but later on I could cover topics such as sentence type selection, structure, techniques like anaphora, etc.

In fact I'm going to do it anyway, so nyah. :p

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Emma LB

Interesting topic, I know what you mean. Starting every sentence with your subject would be boring indeed. Never read Hemmingway though, so I can't really comment on his writing.

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