Anonymous

This is a piece of non-fiction, something I decided to share after noticing how many teens call this group home. I hope you take away a little bit of insight and inspiration...if not, you can still feel secure in knowing you are the only ones besides my family who know about this horrible part of my life
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First Flute-Second Seat

My cousin Lynn, always the wonder child, had just decided to learn how to play the flute. Her mother and father imediately ran to the nearest music store and bought her the most expensive flute on display. We were both in 4th grade at the time, but unlike Lynn, I did not have the luxury of demanding such a hobby.

Every friday night, my mother took my sister and I to Lynn's house, and while our mothers drank coffee and talked about...who knows, we were chased from the kitchen...Lynn, my sister and myself would amuse ourselves.

So it was one of these friday nights that I was first introduced to the flute. Lynn wanted me to try it, she had been taking lessons for about a month, and could play mary had a little lamb. I tentatively took the instrument from her and played the same tune.

She was utterly amazed! At what I wasn't quite sure, I thought she wanted me to play that song. She grabbed my hand, and off we ran to kitchen. Breathlessly she explained to our mothers' that I could play mary had a little lamb. Both women looked at me odd, "well lets hear it." My mom said in her most supportive tone.

I launched into mary had a little lamb, as I played both women lit up with smiles, as Lynn looked on as if she were a proud parent. When I finished the little tune, my aunt and mother began discussing how I would be enrolled in the music class at school. My aunt told my mother where to get me a flute, and how it could be paid on time. I as for myself? I was happy to hear I was going to get my very own flute!!!

Sounds like a cute childhood memory right? Wrong! That is when all my problems started. I was enrolled in music lessons at my school, all of the other budding musicians had already been in lessons for a year, I was late. My first day was stressful, I was feeling really nervous. I waited my turn, my new lesson book in front of me on the stand...full of black dots, and foriegn symbols.

The other kids took turns playing thier lessons, and getting evaluated, then it was my turn. Before my teacher could explain how to properly hold the instrument, which is proper proceedure for a first lesson, I launched into mary had a little lamb. My teachers face lit up, so to keep that smile on his face, I played what I could of Jingle Bells..which was a song one of the other kids had just played.

Everyone seemed to like me, and enjoy my new found talent...until the teacher took my book, and gave me the same book as everyone else. Then he proudly announced that I was a natural. Suddenly, all eyes were on me, and they didn't look very happy.

I did manage to make two friends in the class, that was due to the fact that we shared other classes besides lessons. Then after one month of learning to read some of the sheet music, my teacher put me in the band. I was horrified! How could I be in the band! I couldn't read all of the little black notes yet! He calmly told me not to worry, and just follow along, "you will do fine, you have an ear." We all have ears! I had no clue what he meant by that comment.

Needless to say the flute section in the band did not welcome me kindly. The snickered amongst themselves, about my inablility to read the sheet music. I did as my teacher asked, and before long, I sat in the coveted first flute section, third seat. Two seats behind the best flute player in the whole school. We will call her Ann.

From that moment on, Ann was in a battle I had no desire to join. By the time we all entered high school, Ann and I were bitter enemies. I was her enemy because she made my life hell, and she hated me because I sat two seats behind her, and never had to read all of the music.

High School was different than grammar school band, we all had to try out for the symphony, or just joint the concert band, which was for anyone who liked to play and wanted some credits. The Symphony however was an earned placement.

I recieved my shedule, and had not noticed the difference between the two types of band. I showed for symphony practice as my shedule instructed, and sat as the other kids took turns preforming what the conductor called a cycle.

I began to sweat, I had no clue what a cycle was. Quickly I turned to girl seated to my left and asked. "Maybe you are in the wrong class." she replied. That helped alot! Then it was my turn, I stood up, looked at Ann, and swallowed hard, as see sat starring at me with a smug look of victory.

I looked at the conductor, then back to the eyes that burned a hole in my back. I made the choice to play, I played the scales I knew, then stopped half way through...I had gathered from what everyone else was doing that a cycle was every scale, I only knew four, and the sheets of help in front of me were no use.

Without batting an eye, the conductor announced my position...first flute, second seat. Ann made some sort of huffy sound, and I sat down as quickly as possible.

The next two years where a disaster...Ann made my life in the symphony a living nightmare. She told the entire band that I had no right to be in this class, but the worst was yet to come.

The conductor passed out a piece of music entitled, Ballet Pariseane (I know I spelled that wrong). Then told everyone, that there was a piccolo solo that needed to be filled. Ann raised her flute high in the air, and announced that she could also play the piccolo, the conductor smiled politely, and took out a small flute case. He walked over to Ann and I, Ann had a look of victory plastered all over her face, but to my suprise, he handed the little black case to me!

I just sat there looking at him blankly, he looked at Ann and said, "I know you can play dear, but this is a solo, we need to have a soloist", then he turned his gaze to me, "this is my piccolo, I want you to take it home, practice it, and in one week you and I will start work on the solo". I thought I was going to vomit!

I did just as he asked, and in one week I was sitting first flute first seat, in front of Ann, who at this point was a raving lunatic! She accosted me in the hallways, harrassed me in the cafateria, and wrote horrible things in every girls bathroom in the school.

Well needless to say, the concert came and went. I performed the solo, and hated every minute of it. Music was nothing but a reason for hurt and pain as far as I was concerned. I was already looking for a way out, but the friendly support of the conductor made me feel bad for thinking of quiting.

Then three days after the "concert", I opened my band locker to find the piccolo I was given to use, covered in a sticky goo. Ann had gotten the combination to my locker from a so-called friend. She pulled the lining out of the case, then poured soda all over it.

That was it, there was nothing the conductor could say, I was quitting. I couldn't take the harrassement anymore. He said it was common for musicians to compete for position, compitition for placement made everyone work harder to improve. I thought of it differently, I felt no need to compete, I found it distasteful.

Finally he explained to me that he had secured a position in the all shore band for me, it was an honor and an accomplishment, but one I had no desire for. Because I knew that Ann would also be accepted. So I bid him farewell, thanked him for his encouragement, and quit the symphony all together.

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Ok, that story might seem boring, but I think it has something to offer. As an adult, 34, I see that quitting was a mistake, and a weakness. I should have stuck it out, and stood up for myself in a respectable way, by continuing to do what I loved, play music. In the long run, Ann won. I allowed her to take the one thing that I loved to do, and turn it into a living nightmare. As an adult I realize that no one should be able to scare you away from anything you enjoy...or make your life a living hell. I wish I had a chance to do it all over again. I wouldn't quit now...I would show up everyday on time, knowing that highschool only lasts for four years, and when it is over, I will have a career that would last a life time.

Never give up, give in, or relinquish your power over your own life! How you handle adversity today, will create your future tomorrow. Stand tall, and play Mary Had A Little Lamb, until your peers either accept you, or fade into the background. Remember "no regrets".

-Lisa



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scryer

That was me posting the above piece! I am an idiot, I forgot to log in first!

-Lisa

Penelope

Why is this just dedicated for high school students? For me, I automatically came to read what wasn't 'meant' for me. I loved it Lisa. I was the 'other' type of kid. No one kept me from doing what I wanted to do. Hated being thwarted or bullied and went after bullies who picked on other kids too. I wasn't one of the cliques and I didn't want to be either. I'm proud of that now by the way but it was a horrible thing to go through as well. I just felt different and didn't know why. I feel for you Lisa. Yeah, even after all these years.

__________________
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

scryer

Pen,
Sorry! I thought I should post it here, and I didn't think anyone would really be interested in it. Although I was harrassed in band, the odd part, is I had no problems with bullies otherwise. Ann wasn't a very well like girl, I on the other hand had no problems as far as making friends...looking back now, when I quit I did avenge myself...I chased her down the hall and pushed her head in a locker..but I am not proud of that either! I figured this piece may show how damaging harrassment can be, and how the choices you make determine your future choices! I didn't belong to a clique either, I never liked rules...from teacher or kids, but I did get along with everyone.(out-side of band) I guess thats why I didn't know how to deal with Ann...lack of experience.
-Lisa
and Pen, you remind me so much of my sister! She spent a lot of time in high school chasing down bullies and smacking them around, sticking up for others...I just sort of shut up if I didn't like how someone else was acting. I always admired her for that.

__________________
"Shadows jump and play thier games
in a room thats lit by candle flame
hot wax hurts" -Lisa

scryer

Strong convictions lead
stand for the intergity
voice of honesty

Penelope

Yeah well, I just can't help myself. It irritates me doing what I do but it's my lot in life. sigh To say nothing sounds heavenly to me. sigh

__________________
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight