Advertisers, Website promoters

If you only intend to advertise or promote a website, product, or opportunity to our members,
DO NOT REGISTER as a new member.

Click Here to obtain Admin permission to post your message as a guest promoter.

Promotions posted without Admin permission may be treated as spam.

Previously Banned members take note.
Click Here to apply for an Admin amnesty.

If you register another account, you breach the No Sock Puppets rule, which risks an instant permaban on discovery.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 16 of 16

Thread: Teenage Angst

  1. #11
    This flowed really well, I'd really like to read more of this is it up anywhere?

  2. #12
    I liked it. It put me in the same space as other YA teen angsty stories have put me in. That grabbed me write away. I liked the consistent tone.

    I agree with others that this is pretty well written, but just lacks a certain something. I think you have the same problem as me with narrative. It's short and choppy, like we're just writing a summary instead of the actual piece. I felt like I wanted to read more about each little experience, more of her thoughts. Maybe it's just because she's drunk - that would make more sense, but if so, I think there should be something to put you in that frame of mind.

    I really liked the salad dressing bit. That was good.

    The scene with her parents needs more. I got the sense that she's used to that sort of treatment, but I kind of felt like she should have a stronger reaction. She just didn't really seem that upset about it. Her reaction at being thrown out of her home felt too casual. And maybe some thoughts about previous beatings? A hint at some history? I think someone mentioned foreshadowing.

    I definitely wanted to know more and would enjoy reading more.
    Last edited by NineShadowEyes; January 5th, 2015 at 09:15 PM. Reason: correcting formatting

  3. #13
    There is nothing wrong with your writing skills or this chapter. It's just that something has happened to Solana and she's not willing to tell us. Instead she has taken us astray into a bar, where she's only drinking.

  4. #14
    I enjoyed reading this. Don’t make revisions—keep going. Too many people try to please everyone and end up revising and tweaking the first chapter ad nauseum and then get stuck. Get the story down first and then revise.
    Publisher of the Durham Skywriter (, Durham NC's online community paper, and host of TV Skywriter, Sundays 7pm USA Eastern time, on YouTube and Google+'s "Durham Skywriter" page. Currently working on my first nonfiction book, "And Then We Saw an Eye: Caring for a Loved-One with Alzheimer's at Home"

  5. #15
    Here's the problem: you're writing from your real experience. So you are your protagonist to some extent. AS a result whatever you remember, think, or plan or do or feel... you just add it to the story right away. So your story becomes tangled. To solve the problem your story should be a single thread with no knots or tangles. Otherwise it will twist the reader into a confusion.

  6. #16
    I think your writing is very good, and rings true. Unfortunately, I didn't feel you'd found a fresh angle on the subject. What is different about your story that forces us to read on? For example, if the drinker was very young. Or partially-sighted. A wheelchair-user. Has a baby with her. Or anything that's totally original, and makes us think NO. I don't mean to belittle how dramatic addiction is, and I'm very sorry if you've had personal experience of this. Great prose. Well done.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Tags for this Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts