Thread: Undercurrent

A pang, a spasm, reaches in,
it sits within my chest.
Breathing labours, heartbeat quickens,
I'm rising on this crest.
The waves they toss me high and low,
I waver to and fro,
exquisite misery pulls my heart,
a pain I pray won't go.

Only blossom, rising -
up from deep below
this wide Ocean, pulling -
the Current knows where to go.

I like it Willow. Having almost drowned at one time, I feel it. The only line that didn't make sense to me was this one.

a pain a pray won't go.

I loved the last line, it felt very final and mysterious all at once.

Thank you!
The poem isn't about a bad feeling, but a scary one, something that is bigger than yourself - and something that you hope can carry you further. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions

The only thing that bothered me is that it went from first person to third person at the end. It just doesn't work for me. Not only that, but the ocean went from being scary, to the personification of a somehow wise ocean. It is difficult to later trust its wisdom after you have seen it as scary.

Imagery, words, talent.. You make great use of skill in painting this portrait. The last stanza just didn't fit for me.

Great topic, also.

JRB

I almost drowned in the ocean once, also. Didn't thanks to the kindness of a stranger. Initially, I took this literally. Subsequent reads made me think it's about physical attraction, possibly love at first sight. Therefore, I think the line Cindy questioned should read "a pain I pray won't go". Could be I'm wrong, it wouldn't be the first time, nor the last. Interpretation isn't my forte. But I like what I came away with very much. You write well, love, no matter your intended meaning, your words are nicely married.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you, Chester's Daughter! I really appreciate that. A funny thing, I didn't realize my mistake until you suggested the correction - a typo. You're absolutely right, it is "a pain I pray won't go". I'm a little embarrassed, but you're right about the meaning as well
In response to JRBurgher, I agree with your comment about the consistency of the ocean as a metaphor - I've changed 'tide' to 'current', which I feel addresses the issue by differentiating between different parts of the ocean (waves, current etc.), allowing the ocean to be the overarching metaphor encompassing different elements. I don't, however, quite understand what you mean by it changing from first to third person?

Thank you,
Willow