Thread: Untitled

Blinded by illusion and misguided by false hope,
breaking away from everyone, including myself,
oblivious and lost, I have reached the end of my rope,
how can I again find the path towards my true self?

Easy to say, and it is such a common belief,
what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger,
but as my heart bleeds, drowning me with grief,
I've lost a part of myself and can’t hold on any longer.

Reality comes, taking away what is too good to be true,
some say this sign from the universe or the sky above,
but it has taken away the only person I could ever turn to,
betrayed and rejected by one who had my respect and love.

This tiny piece held a special place close to my heart,
losing even the smallest of things still has a great cost,
leaving an emptiness that now seeks to tear me apart,
but I try to remember that not everything in my life is lost.

To think my life revolved around one being makes no sense,
I lost sight of those who truly deserved me more,
I should ask them to forgive me for such offense,
I only wish to restore myself to how I was before.

Reality sets in and shows me what is truly meant to be,
though I’m left with a shadow of only one “best friend”,
I’m surrounded by my real friends that are still with me,
I know they will always love me and stand by me till the end.

The emptiness has left me; I’m filled with nothing but joy,
I've begun to remember what it means to trust and love,
there is much more in my life I must live and learn to enjoy,
this truly must be a sign from the universe or the sky above.

(haven't been able to come up with a title...but well i'm open to suggestions...if any one is willing to help me with coming up for a title)

7 quatrains? D: why?

Originally Posted by Daneril17

7 quatrains? D: why?

do you feel that there was something missing???...or did i move too fast???...

Originally Posted by jonathan1787

do you feel that there was something missing???...or did i move too fast???...

no I mean I don't get how this was structured. :S

Originally Posted by Daneril17

no I mean I don't get how this was structured. :S

it has an alternating rhyming structure...it's really not that hard to notice...hope, myself, rope, self...

Originally Posted by jonathan1787

it has an alternating rhyming structure...it's really not that hard to notice...hope, myself, rope, self...

yeah but it has no metric structure. :l that's what I meant. I dislike how people think just because things rhyme they were structured.

Originally Posted by Daneril17

yeah but it has no metric structure. :l that's what I meant. I dislike how people think just because things rhyme they were structured.

well it not may be perfectly structured...but well no worries that's why it's my 1st draft...

I really really enjoyed this read, all of the emotion and conflict going on. I can relate on so many levels. I especially enjoyed this part:

it has taken away the only person I could ever turn to,
betrayed and rejected by one who had my respect and love.

This tiny piece held a special place close to my heart,
losing even the smallest of things still has a great cost,
leaving an emptiness that now seeks to tear me apart,
but I try to remember that not everything in my life is lost.

And when you feel lost all you can remember is those people who truly love you, practice love and kindness and also love and worship the same God as you do. So I also love this part:

I’m surrounded by my real friends that are still with me,
I know they will always love me and stand by me till the end.

I did conflict with this one part though if infact the one being you are speaking about is God, because faith is so important and we should never believe that God would forget us or leave us if we do not leave him. He knows the ones who are loyal and love him no matter what:

To think my life revolved around one being makes no sense,
I lost sight of those who truly deserved me more,
I should ask them to forgive me for such offense,
I only wish to restore myself to how I was before.

Reality sets in and shows me what is truly meant to be,
though I’m left with a shadow of only one “best friend”,

Originally Posted by Fossie

I really really enjoyed this read, all of the emotion and conflict going on. I can relate on so many levels. I especially enjoyed this part: And when you feel lost all you can remember is those people who truly love you, practice love and kindness and also love and worship the same God as you do. So I also love this part:
I did conflict with this one part though if infact the one being you are speaking about is God, because faith is so important and we should never believe that God would forget us or leave us if we do not leave him. He knows the ones who are loyal and love him no matter what:

i'm glad you liked it...but i think you did misunderstood my last part...the one being didn't refer to God...it referred to my so called best friend...i felt as my whole world that was filled with happiness revolved around her and when she betrayed me...i felt lost, alone, etc...totally blinded that i had people just as important if not more that needed me as their friend...

Spotted three cliches in the first six lines. Stopped reading after that.

Here they are, for your perusal:

• reached the end of my rope
  
• find the path towards my true self
  
• what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger

Originally Posted by johnM

Spotted three cliches in the first six lines. Stopped reading after that.

Here they are, for your perusal:

• reached the end of my rope
  
• find the path towards my true self
  
• what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger

i'm sorry that you couldn't continue reading due to a lack of interest...but i still thank you for reading...

Jonathon, I thought it was lovely.
Mark.

Originally Posted by Jeep121262

Jonathon, I thought it was lovely.
Mark.

thank you Mark.