Thread: Maybe if I Weren't A Writer

Maybe if I weren't a writer,
Who felt the need to embellish.
Maybe if I weren't a boy,
With a libido overzealous

Maybe if I hadn't liked you,
As more than just a friend,
Your nosy goddamned parents,
Wouldn't have made our friendship end.

Maybe if I were younger,
Or maybe if you were older,
Or maybe if I were smarter,
Or if I were a little less vulgar

Maybe if you hadn't asked,
What had I dreamt about.
Maybe if I hadn't given into pressure,
It'd still be cool if we hung out.

But none of those things happened,
And my vulgar dream was penned.
But mostly...
I just miss my friend.
____________

As simple as it is, this poem is incredibly emotional for me. I was friends with a girl who was 16 years old when I was 18, and she was (and still is, in a way, I suppose) my best friend. One day, I mentioned that I had a dream about her, and she asked me to tell her about it, and I told her no, because it was really sexual. She was really insistent, so I finally told her, but me, being the incredible dumb ass that I am, couldn't just say it, I decided to write it as a piece of flash-fiction. Her parents found it, and immediately ended our friendship, I guess because they think I was gonna rape her or something, which is the opposite of what's true, cuz I'd never do anything to hurt her. And all of this was like six months ago or so, and I just... I really miss my friend :'C

Imagine you had a daughter, and some older guy wrote this about her...YOU MIGHT GO FREAKIN' BALLISTIC...just sayin'. Careful. Without the disclaimer, you might be interpeted as a "creeper". The written word holds more power than speech. They can sit there and read it over and over. It's always open to interpretation, maybe the wrong one.

Eh. I was only two years older than her. And I'd known her since I was 17 and she 15. And it wasn't even intensely vulgar or anything. I see it as a huge over-reaction on her parents' part (who knew me well, and still know me rather well because we do volunteer work together.) It's all over, and behind me now, either way.

The poem doesn't make you sound like a creeper at all. Whatever that is. Your age difference is only two years, big deal. I liked the simpleness and what I think of as youthful innocence in your poem. There is still so much out there for your eyes to see.
Mark.

I feel badly about what happened. But it wasn't entirely out of your control, either.

I have also had times when speaking my mind got me in trouble. Although I would do it again (a guy brought a gun to work, I had to say something, but I was accused of making the story up). Truth be told, the boss was afraid of my logic, how I questioned his authority when he fed us lies or forced us to do things that were unethical.

But I don't disagree with her parents either, it is a dangerous world out there.

Studies have proven that writers are among the highest intelligence people, but also have a lot in common with psychotic people, with their imaginative creativity not being unlike those of the delusional. We discuss that which may not be readily obvious to most people. We are the greatest threat to dictators and anyone who can win over the masses with propaganda and control.

We pay a price in society for our creativity. We aren't readily understood. I wear that as badge of honor. I will never do any harm, but the pen is mightier than the sword and people do get scared.

Best of luck my friend, just remember that the world isn't always fair. I can sense you are passionate and introspective. Kudos on your gift, just use it wisely.

Keep in mind that anything written is not disputed, holds up in a court of law, and is subject to interpretation. Malicious people will even twist your words, suggesting a different meaning, or saying it scares them even when it really doesn't, as long as they can justify an action against you.

JRB

I really enjoyed this piece. I don't think you're a creep, btw. I get the whole sexual flash fiction sending her parents into orbit, but oh well, she'll be 18 before you know and that maybe everything can be smoothed over. As far as critique, I feel sort of weird to point out any ideas (because it is such an emotional piece, and a very good one at that) but I do have one thought for you

The line:
Wouldn't have brought our friendship to an end.

Maybe try to make it say the same thing with less words. Something like:

Wouldn't have made out friendship end.


Great work, sir.

Thanks for the feedback and critiquing, man. I see what you mean about the line, and I just edited it. It gives a much smoother feeling, as opposed to trying to find a way to work through the syllables. Thanks much!