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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 06-26-2008, 09:19 PM   #1
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Vacation

This is just a short snippet of a bigger story (more of a side chapter), but I thought I'd get an idea of what people thought about it.


“Vacation”

The excitement over, their group retreated to a secure location in a nearby city. Secure as in they followed the hapless Todd home and took up a semi residence with him. Despite being uncomfortable with the presence of three females and an angel of death, he seemed to cope beautifully with the situation. He did learn quickly not to just wander into the bathroom as he was used to doing before with Josh around. The constant wit of Windy superseding Sylph’s bitter grumpiness confused the poor guy, while Morté and Zev ignored or merely observed the antics in detached manners with the occasional glance at each other.
“But isn’t it interesting living in a human apartment?” Windy’s cheery voice at its cutest tone.
“Do you practice being irritating?” was Sylph’s acid reply.
“Hmm…Not last time I checked.” This earned Sylph scowling and leaving the room to slam the door behind her. “Wow. Well, “Windy shrugged “can’t be helped I suppose.”
Todd had watched on perplexed at the exchange and then saw Windy do a merry little hop to turn toward Zev and smile winningly. Sensing the silence, Zev pulled herself out of the newspaper section she had snagged from Morté to give a hesitant sidelong look to Windy. The angel had also paused to glance over at the group from his seat near the window in the living room section. Windy beamed at Zev for a few minutes, not saying anything.
Zev raised her eyebrows and head more to give Windy her full attention, “You scared her away?”
“Not likely” Windy gave a tiny frown at the implication before grinning.
“Uh huh…” Zev shifted in her seat a little, “So since she went into hiding you want to read this section of the paper or just watch me read it?”
“No,” Windy giggled and waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, “Actually I was going to ask you if you were interested in a vacation! We’ve not had one since before you joined us.”
“Vacation?” Zev gave her a quizzical look.
“Yes.” Windy gave Zev a skeptical look when the other looked lost, “It’s a human thing. You leave work behind, have fun in a place where you can relax, enjoy the breeze, lack of chao—“Windy stopped mid word at the blank expression from Zev. “You’ve never been on a vacation before have you?”
Todd looked flabbergasted along with Windy when Zev simply shook her head. Windy and Todd both began to expound on the joys of vacations to the point where Zev started giving them wary looks. Morté smirked quietly as Zev started backing away from the two jabbering at her, imagining the girl probably half expected them both to start turning into some mysterious new monster. Finally, Zev fell off the chair she had been perched on in her slow process of edging away.
“Uhm. You alright down there?” Windy peered down at her over the edge and then rested her chin on the chair thoughtfully. “That settles it I suppose.”
“It does?” Todd asked and Windy nodded.
“Yup.” Windy floated into the living room toward the angel of death who was busily reading the paper, “Morté…”
“Not likely to be happen.” He said as his eyes continued roving the paper and he paused for a second before telling her “Don’t pout.”
Undeterred, the winsome air spirit draped herself and curling her arms around the angel’s shoulders to peer down at the paper with him. After a few moments, she glanced at his face and then gave him her best pitiful look. Zev in the meantime had picked herself up and collected her reading material as Todd had taken a seat at the seat across from Windy’s. Windy continued giving Morté her pitiful look and only the tensing of his brows gave away he noticed at all. Narrowing her eyes after a good minute more of looking pitiful, the air spirit leaned her face in toward the angel’s then turning her head slightly began blowing across his ear and hair lightly.
Todd watched the whole thing barely touching his bowl of cereal. Zev gave a speculating look at Windy’s attempts to get Morté’s attention before smoothing out the paper to go back to reading. Morté finally closed his eyes turning his head toward the pest on his shoulder.
“Can I help you?” his voice was calm as he opened his eyes to give her a patient look.
“Vacation.” Her face blossomed into a glowing smile with her voice lilting.
The angel raised an eyebrow. Zev shook her head turning a page. Todd started to take a bite of his cereal and promptly almost choked on it as he saw Windy float up off the ground and literally curled her body weightlessly around the angel’s upper torso. Zev frowned at Todd’s sounds of gagging and sputtering. The boy hastily retreated into the kitchenette. All three sets of eyes watched his back disappear into the little cubby of a kitchen as he went. Windy giggled and Zev half smiled amused. Morté cleared his throat quietly before giving Windy a pointed look.
“Sylph may not be too far off on her theory. However, I’m rather certain it is not practice at being irritating.” He paused thoughtfully, “However, testing other people’s limits and patience does seem to be your forte.”
Windy gave Morté a scandalized look briefly before making a face at him. “Such words out of a gentleman!” Her tone was scolding. “Just for that, it is imperative we be granted a vacation. If only to soothe my burnt ears…”
Morté looked amused but unmoved. Zev put down the paper to watch her friend’s antics to convince Morté to grant a ‘vacation’. Sounds from the kitchenette brought Sylph out of the bedroom. Spying Sylph looking in the kitchenette, Windy’s eyes brightened and she leaned in to whisper to Morté. Zev narrowed her eyes at the whispering but said nothing, choosing to watch Morté’s face. Sylph disappeared into the kitchenette and more banging around was heard. Frowning at the increases noise level, Zev turned her head to eye the doorway. Todd scrambled out of the kitchenette hastily to reseat himself at the table, as Zev heard Sylph grumbling about small spaces.
Windy rejoined Zev and Todd at the table following a particularly loud bang of pots. Zev glanced at Windy, who smiled cheerfully at Todd. Apprehensively, he returned the smile. Sylph poked her head out of the kitchenette asking Todd where he kept his teapot. Not owning a teapot, Todd stammered for an answer, but Windy jumped on the opportunity to get Sylph’s attention.
“Syyylph.” Zev watched Sylph cringe at her name being sing songed, “You like the tropics right?”
The question created a silence from all present.
“Tropics?” Sylph’s tone was wary, but Windy ignored it and nodded her head vigorously, “Certainly, lazy up drafts, warm air currents, and warm water in the right seasons to skim across….Why?”
Ignoring the demand in Sylph’s tone, Windy practically leaped to Todd’s side causing the poor guy to spill part of his cereal as he in turn jumped.
“Alright Todd. Where’re the nicest secluded tropical areas around here?”
After stammering quite a bit, Windy wheedled it out of him. Sylph annoyed at being ignored went back into the kitchenette in a huff stating it was unlikely they’d have a chance to go. Windy shot Zev a mischievous grin and wink before telling Sylph to get ready for shopping since they’d need bathing suits to wear while on their vacation. Sylph’s snort of disbelief was followed an hour later with a look of total shock as Morté confirmed they were going on vacation. Todd felt an unexpected wash of relief at the news, until Windy informed him he was going with them.
“Me?!”
“Of course! Humans came up with the concept, certainly fits that you partake as well.” Windy smiled.
“But work, and…and…” he flailed.
Sylph laid a hand on his shoulder, “She’s right. Part of the reason we’ve even invaded your life like this is to ensure you recover from the shock and not just waste away after so much damage has been done to you and your life” Leaning in she muttered in a low voice to add to her explanation “And don’t worry. She makes everyone nervous.”
Windy’s eyes widened before she made a face at Sylph, and Zev turned her head to stifle a laugh into her fist. Morté sighed and sent them all out of the apartment to go shopping. Finally alone in the apartment, the angel chuckled quietly to himself as he laid down on the couch for some much needed sleep.
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:57 AM   #2
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Half way through and couln't finish. I almost stopped at the first para. It was confusing, like being dropped into the middle of soem weird story. Who are they and what are they doing? I couldn't find a point, a goal, a mission, a conflict, or any tension so why read on? There is no hook other than unusual characters but you run us into the story so quickly, I don't even understand them much less what is going on and from what I read, nothing is going on. It's like reading a scene from Friends without the laughs. Sorry
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Old 06-28-2008, 12:26 PM   #3
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Thank you. I understand the confusion. This was an aside off of a bigger tale. I completely forgot to add in the preface to give others a point of reference. Guess that happens when you've had the tale in your head for so long.

I'll see about posting some things from the bigger picture, so to speak. Probably in the fiction section. Thanks again, phurst.
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Old 06-28-2008, 02:36 PM   #4
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I'll admit, I didn't finnish it.
Space out the paragraphs and dialoge, and add background and I'm sure this will be a good story.
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