stanza-reel

Hi, I'm Johny. Maybe I should try that a little more enthusiastically, due to my circumstances: "Hello ladies and gentlemen! Let me introduce tonights character. He is charasmatic, suave, sophisticated, and dashingly handsome... Here's Johnnny!". Ok, now that I have given out my name my fellow listeners (or is it readers? I can't tell at this point...) maybe I should flesh out our intersting situation here:

Ok, the setting. The setting is... well it's a crummy, if not (dare I say?) shitty, lower-middle class apartment. The reason I say lower-middle class apartment is because this humble shit doesn't have any pazzazz, you know what I mean? Like those middle class apartments that look semi rich. It's like a two cent whore actually. She'll give you what you want, that is to say your basic (perverted) needs, but the appearance won't open any eyes, you know what I mean? well, enough with the freakin' metaphors. The place is your average Bronx apartment. Maybe Brooklyn. I don't know.

On to the next, and... most important subject. My situation. Now my friends... this is every man's dream. Here in this rat hole (pleasant rat hole, If other rat holes were comared), and with me I have two gorgous women, both about 5 years, mabe 7, older than little ol' me in seperate rooms. Now the big question in any testarone injected homosapien, hederosexual, American, European, AnyFuckingCountry, male is: do... I... Have... A... SHOT?

Simple answer. Yes.

So, my game plan which I went over about twenty thousand, maybe thirty thousand times is the diolouge I shall spew on these blissful bosums. Will it be naughty? Will it be nice? Will it have tones of deprivation, or an overtone of complete confidense? My football instincts tell me to improvise. BUT... before I go any further, I should give a decent backstory. Don't worry boys, It'll be short. By the way my name is Johny, for you fucks who have amnesia:

I go to the Russian neighborhood to get the local sausage. Russian sausage has that uneuqe taste that makes you forget where it came form (a butchered cow by the way), and lets you enjoy that chewy, unadultarated texture. So I am walking along the store listening to babling reds, and then I hear a thin whispy voice say (behind me): "Hhello, mistr, dho yhoo hav time?". I turn. I see. I almost take a load in my pants. This lady was drop dead gorgous, in every sense of the phrase. I would die to fuck her. Yeah I know it's not, you know, realistic sounding, but you just have to be there.

"Uh, uh, hey um... whats your name?"

"Vell, my name is Natasha mistr, and yhoo arr?"

"Vell, I mean Well, Natasha... my name is uh jo-Johny"

"Vell, Jonni, yhoo still dit not tell me the time."

"It's uh 6 o'clock"

"Thank yhoo Jonni. Um, I know dis is akvard, but do you want to come up my apartment and chhiil vit my Russian frend? Vee arr very lonli, yhoo know..."

The thick Russian accent just made my knees jigle. Yeah I know, sounds like every other korney love story. You know, the part where the guy sees his future (you are not supposed to know this) girlfriend, and she's like, the most beautiful women you ever saw. Yeah I know, I bet my dick there are at least a thousand prettier, but whatever. There is no one as hot as this chick. And an invitation? What is this? Well as you know, we men don't think, but we do!

So I follow her up to her apartment, and here I am. The reason I am telling this a little fast is this part get's really, really blurry...

And here I am. Two chicks, other rooms, and I am waiting to see what kind of fun there is.

Ahh here the lovely girls come... My, my what fiiiine ass-

What?

Dominatrics?

Really?

No, I DO mind pain.

"Mistr don't worry, dis is for collej projekt. Me and Nikita will treat you well"

No, not the sack. JESUS that hurts. No, what? plastic fist? No, ladies, chains aren't necessary. no. nooo. nooooooooooooo!

...............................................

And that's how I spent my summer vaction

phurst

Well, a surprising and funny ending. The writing style is a bit overused as in I've heard it before so maybe you can find a uniqueness to it. You spent a lot of time on the apartment (which I tought was yours) and little time on the anticipation. In 3 lines you go from the store to the apartment. What about adding some trepidation at being invited by a woman you don't know to go to someplace you don't know for some reason you don't know, speaking a language you don't know. All things for consideration. You need more build up, fantisize a bit when she leaves you to go 'freshen up'. Whole world out there, use it.

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stanza-reel

thanks for the reply, maybe if I am not lazy I'll improve this a LOT.
I just made the writing style up (meaning I never read something like that before), so to me the style is unique. The ending was rushed (but funny), but in this kind of situation, you really don't have time to think


based on a true story btw

eternalbeautifulchild

LOL true story o rly.

This was a really obnoxious story. I liked it very much.

This line made me smile: By the way my name is Johny, for you fucks who have amnesia

Love it. Anyway, I thought you could have built up more suspense towards the end. While the ending is okay for me, it could've been better in my opinion. maybe an even weirder twist.

p.s. the crazy spelling irked me a little but I got past it. it's all part of the character, after all.