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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 05-31-2008, 07:24 PM   #1
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BurningStar

What am I doing here? How did I even get here? Why am I asking that... I know why I'm here. Fighting for my country, fighting for justice... fighting for my ass. Can't even see above this damn grass... Damn, wasn't paying attention. Did he say we were changing directions? At least somebody knows. Smoke. Heavy smoke. I smell it. It's in the sky. Too much smoke. Something is burning. A lot is burning. Wait, he's talking again.

Prepare for battle? Guns ready? Eliminate all hostiles? What does that even mean? Whatever. Same deal as always. Go in. Shoot anything that moves and then run away feeling like heroes. What are we doing? Uh oh. No time. There's the edge of the grass. Everyone's splitting up!

No! Don't split up! Don't leave me to die!! Okay... Training. Think back to training. Stay low. Move fast. Be aware. No where to hide... Every damn thing is on fire! What was that sound? Footsteps. Toes crushing the dirt. Behind me? No. I'm up against a wall. Smoke in my eyes... Damn, damn, damn. Something grabbed my arm! Shoot it, shoot it! Wait, pulling me out of the smoke? Oh. Another soldier. He's motioning to follow him. Sure. I suppose that's a better idea than what I had going. What's he- busting down the door. He's running in. Gunfire! Oh my god! Get in there damn it, help him!

It stopped. What... Oh god. He killed them. Two children, their mother, all dead on the floor. Come on, you went through courses. Stay strong. Don't puke. Why did he have to kill them? What did they do? There. In the corner. The father? Yes. Dead. Bullets through his stomach. Gun nearby? A knife. Not even a fighting knife. A dining knife.

This man who's on my side. Do I know him? Yes. We were in training together. He seemed like a cool guy back in the states. Now he killed an innocent family. But I guess that's why were here. But I don't want to be here. I was just fine back home. Good old New York. Kind of feel sorry for kicking those hippies off of my lawn now. I see what they were talking about.

He's gone. He left. Did he regret killing them at all? He must have. I have to get out of this house.

There's still smoke everywhere. Gunfire. Screaming. What's that in the sky? The sky is on fire? No. That can't be it. Big red flag. Yellow star on it. It's burning. Of course.

Is the sergeant's voice? He's saying... Retreat? Get out? We're losing? Who's that? Viet Kong! Oh god! Run! Find the others! Get out! Don't die! They're firing at me! Missing, but firing! Find a place to hide, back to the grass. Hide in the grass. There it is! I'm so close! Where's everyone else? Left, right, okay the others are going this way too. Come on, come on. Don't die today.

Damn, damn, damn! Okay. I'm the grass. Just find someone else. Find a friend. There! Helmets! Okay... Okay... Safe... What? Is that the end of the grass again? No... No! More enemies! In a circle! We're surrounded! How many of us?... Four. Oh god. We're going to die.

Please, god, don't let me die. Let my go home and see my wife. See my baby! End the war! Stop killing people! STOP KI-
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Old 06-04-2008, 06:15 PM   #2
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Don't really know what to say about this. Although the theme has been done and perhaps even the trail of thoughts, I really don't read the emotion or sense of urgency or confusion. Maybe put in some thinking, reasoing in longer sentences between the rapid fire upper level thoughts.
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Old 06-04-2008, 07:03 PM   #3
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An interesting use of free writing. It worked pretty good in this short piece.

My only suggestion would be try mixing in a little descriptive imagery with the streaming thoughts of the narrator. I think it would make the story more compelling.

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Old 06-04-2008, 10:29 PM   #4
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Interesting critiques. Very nice, though. Thank you. This is the second time I've tried writing like this. I like it, always looking to improve.
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