geminye

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Removed by author.

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Suffer the little children...

superduperwriter

cut everything until the last paragraph. IMO, that's where your story begins. Your narrator's opinions on writing are mildly interesting, but central to any story as far as I can tell. The story will be how Thomas' quest for an ending to his BIG novel is the beginning of his troubles and conflicts. now that will make good reading. just don't overtax the reader with a lot of flabby commentary on the nature of writing.

geminye

Good point. I did get carried away and preachy. I guess my real question is, does this draw you in at all? Is there any interest in the MC?

I know the writing is heavy-handed. I wanted that Hitch Hiker's Guide kind of feel to it. The first paragraph doesn't match the tone, but the rest is what i was trying to get at.

I feel this is (or will be) my most textured writing, but i can't tell for sure. I haven't developed enough of the story yet, and i'm struggling to keep if from feeling like other novels i have read.

Please comment on writing itself if possible. There obviously isn't enough yet for plot and character development.

Thanks for reading.

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Suffer the little children...

superduperwriter

I would agree that the writing is heavy handed and dense. Why burden a promising story with a narrator who wants to comment so much? Just tell the story straight and add the comment for color or necessary backgroud.

geminye

Very good advice. You're absolutely right. Its amazing how involved one can become in the writing, and lose sight of the story. Thank you for your upfront critique. I appreciate your concise honesty.

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Suffer the little children...