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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
05-10-2008, 03:49 PM
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#1
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Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 19
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Gwynned
Something I wrote will lying sick in bed , I only got the Prologue though. The rest was lost during the "Revenge of the Cleaning Lady"
Hope you enjoy it , I might rewrite it , i've given enough comments.
January 8th 2003 Great Britain , Wales , Mershwood
Dear Journal , I have grown old and weak , and while I lay here , I can not stop to think of the time , the time when I was young and strong , when men didn't fought from behind a computer but took up sword and fought for there lives. The time that I , Gwynned recieved Guyenne , that I Gwynned saved Mershwood , that I Gwynned fought against Kril , Wehrwolf of the Welsh.
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May 5th 1253 Great Britain , Wales , Mershwood
Through the dense fog , I could barely see the spark of light , my spark of hope , slithly coming closer , and then yet as if the torch in my hand felt a companion , it began to lit as like never before , yet the shadows created in its light frightend me.
Here , I thought by myself , I stand waiting for the Charon of my life , waiting for the boat that will either bring me death or Mershwood.
As I stept on the rotten wooden docks , and payed the ferryman , there came a howl from the woods behind us. The howl was answerd by an other , closer to us , and I knew this wasn't the howl of an ordinairy wolf. These howls were filled with anger and hatred , this howls came from wehrwolves. Immediatly I grabbed Guyenne , my sword , and it shone in the moonlight that had suddenly appeard. I could hear Guyenne speak to me ; "Blood ! Blood !" Blood for my blade , Guyenne fed on blood and so did I.
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I wrote the werewolves as wehrwolves on purpose because originaly a werewolve is a wehr-wolf ( wehr is midenglish for man) so wehr-wolf was man-wolf.
It can be I made some gram. errors , English isn't my birthlanguage , and I am glad to learn so critisize all you want
Baldric , and may your dreams be filled with horror
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05-12-2008, 05:38 PM
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#2
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 248
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For english not being your birth language, not bad. Glad you explaned te wehr-wolf thing. Do that upfront so someone doesn't correct it all the way through then find out why you did it.
January 8th 2003 Great Britain , Wales , Mershwood
Dear Journal , I have grown old and weak , (delete space before all commas)and while I lay here , I can not stop to think of the time , the time when I was young and strong , when men didn't fought (fight)from behind a computer but took up (a)sword and fought for there (their) lives. The time that I , Gwynned recieved Guyenne(I'd change the name to make it different fromt he main character and let us know it's a sword) , that I Gwynned saved Mershwood , that I Gwynned fought against Kril , Wehrwolf of the Welsh.
__________________________________________________ ________________
May 5th 1253 Great Britain , Wales , Mershwood
Through the dense fog , I could barely see the spark of light , my spark of hope , slithly (I don't recognize this word. Are you looking for stealthy?)coming closer , and then yet as if the torch in my hand felt a companion , it began to lit(light) as like(delete like) never before , yet the shadows created in its light (delete in its light)frightend me.
Here , I thought by myself ,(delete 'I thought by myself) I stand waiting for the Charon of my life , waiting for the boat that will either bring me death or Mershwood.
As I stept on the rotten wooden docks , and payed the ferryman(can't sleep and pay at the same time) , there came a howl from the woods behind us. The howl was answerd by an other , closer to us , and I knew this wasn't the howl of an ordinairy wolf.(too many howls in a row. Re-write to eliminate them) These howls were filled with anger and hatred , this(these) howls came from wehrwolves. Immediatly I grabbed Guyenne , my sword , and it shone in the moonlight that had suddenly appeard. I could hear Guyenne speak to me ; "Blood ! Blood !" Blood for my blade , Guyenne fed on blood and so did I.
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