Dad Gets Out - Writers Forum

thales · 05-07-2008, 01:57 PM

Supernatural Drama

Dad Gets Out

Chapter One
At the Gate

All three of them sat in 1980's dented up, dusty, Chevy station wagon with wood paneling down the side. They had traveled 30 miles from town out into the wastelands. They were at the edge of the county, where the prison was built. They were parked near the large door where he soon was to be released. The girls hadn't been together for two years, but Mom insisted they be there for his release. That in and of itself was a miracle, considering why he even went to prison in the first place.

“Fuck this! I don't want to be here anymore!”

“Dad loved us then, and he loves us now.”

“Yeah, you call it love, I call it rape.”

“You wanted it just like I did. I remember how you were. You seem to have forgot everything after the therapists tampered with your fucking head, planting memories, inducing there fucking morality and shame on you. I was just too fucking honest for that shit to have an effect upon me!”

“OK, Mistress Skirrelusta of the back of the classifieds. I wonder how that occupation came about? You slut!”

“Ha! He gave you money too. I remember you having no problem then. And, I remember there were a few times you did it just because you wanted to, without Dad even asking.”

“Shut up, you lying bitch! Shut up!”, she begins smacking her sister across the face with both hands.

Val is a master of self control. A little pain won't even shake her reason. She held onto her sisters hands.

Barb could remember everything like it was yesterday. And, what was this shit about planting memories? Not a fucking possibility in the world! Her sister was always the one who could convince you of anything. Prostitute, lawyer. Perfect occupations for sneaky, conniving, calloused shits like Val. She pulled her wrists from her sisters grip and turned looking out the window into the desert. She remembered how it happened. Exactly. She could see him doing it to her over and over. How he crawled up behind her in bed and awoke her. It fucking hurt. And, he tricked her. He took advantage of her innocence. Anger welled up inside her, and the sweat began dripping all down her body.

Val continued, “Well, at least I'm actually doing something with my life. I'm raising my own son on my own and almost through law school. I actually have a savings account to boot. After law school, I won't have to escort one more day of my life, although it isn't as bad as people say. But you, look at you! What have you done with your life, Mrs. Taco Bravo Manager?”

“That's it. I'm walking back.”

Her mother yells, “Stop it. Stop it now!” Tears begin streaming down her beautiful face. She grips onto a Bible in a black leather case.

“Now look what you've done to Momma.”

“Goodbye.” She opens the door to the car, steps out into the 90 degree sun. Little dust clouds poof up where she steps. She slams the door shut as hard as she can, then crosses her arms. She began to turn to walk down the road when the large gate begins to crank open.

She sees the man she hasn't seen in so many years. Her anger suddenly disappears as all her memories coalesce into one. She cannot make one more important that the other. No emotion can take the spotlight. All the joys, all the sorrows, all the abuse, all the love competitively settle into one gestaltian state of mind. But, looking upon this man, her father, the one responsible for her hatred of men, her lesbianism, her disgust of sex, her trauma, all her fears and pain in life, she could not deny all the experiences that surrounded that pain and suffering. She stood in front of him, face to face. This was the truth if there ever was truth. She looked him right in the eyes, saying nothing. She loved him. Goddamn it. She loved the man she hated.

phurst · 05-10-2008, 05:26 PM

Not too bad. You have a few writing glitches, repetitive words and such. I would guess this is the beginning of the story? I got lost on who was who so you could define each a little better maybe some physical attributes.