Danny fought against the wind that threatened to beat him back. There was nothing that would stop him now. Nothing! His boot slid across the mud of the once green field, nudging the ball with one foot and then the other, side stepping John who fell flat on his face as he fell over his own laces. Danny grinned. That’ll teach him he thought. Just past the half way line he glanced up at the sound of cheers, the gap in the field he had been heading for was minimising as the opposing team were closing in. He glanced around for someone to pass the ball to but he couldn’t see anyone.
“Where the hell are they?” he mumbled to himself, irritated with his so called team mates. Danny tried to circle round to the other side. From the corner of his eye he could see his dad and the headmaster Mr Hansen, walking towards him. Danny faltered, frowning in his confusion. His dad looked pale. He froze transfixed. He didn’t notice Adam whiz past him stealing the ball. He barely flinched as another boy stamped on his feet as he went racing down the field. Danny’s full attention was on his dad who should have been at work. He was sure his dad was supposed to be away somewhere for a couple of days. So why was he here?
Danny’s brain was telling him to meet his dad somewhere in the middle of the playground but his feet were now refusing move. Only seconds before they had barely touched the ground. Now they felt like lead.
Just as his dad and the headmaster reached Danny the school bell sounded for end of lunch break. There was a lot of moaning from the boys around him, but with their headmaster in their midst they soon started to disperse. All except for a skinny Asian boy who had jogged to Danny’s side.
He nudged Danny in the side. “Dan come on we got to go. Oh why’s your dad here?”
Danny shrugged. “Dunno.”
Danny’s dad wet his dry lips looking at the two boys. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and he looked more tired than Danny had ever remembered him to be.
“Off you go Asif,” Mr Henson said. “You’ve got history now I believe.”
“What about Dan?” Asif asked.
“Danny won’t be attending today.”
“How come?”
Mr Henson raised his eyebrows and lowered his voice. “Asif go on now.”
Asif pursed his lips together, eyeing his friend with concern he left.
“Dad?” Danny spoke finally.
The headmaster began to back away leaving the two of them alone in the playground.
His dad led him by his muddy shoulders towards a nearby bench. He didn’t even notice the mud spreading onto his own shirt. His dad didn’t say anything at first. Danny looked up into his eyes.
“You’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry Dan,” he said grabbing Danny’s hand, his eyes brimming with tears. Danny started to cry, he didn’t know why.
“Daddy? What’s wrong?”
His dad was taken aback; Danny hadn’t called him Daddy since he was eight. Now older by four years he had often insisted he was too old for such childish words.
“There’s been an accident Dan. It’s mum. She’s gone.”
Danny had cried solidly for an hour when his dad had told him how his mum had gone into hospital for a routine operation. She hadn’t even told anyone she was going in. She intended on being in and out in one day, but there had been complications and she had never made it out.
Danny wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. “I want to see mum.”
“What?”
“I want to see mum’s ……body.” Danny just about managed cough the words out. It felt so disjointed from his thoughts of his mum….she was dead….she was dead.
“Dan I don’t think that’s a good idea,” his dad said as he took out a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his eyes.
“I want to see her,” Danny insisted. “To say goodbye.”
His dad looked down at Danny and he nodded.
Danny and his dad stood facing the white door of the hospital room the doctors had moved his mum’s body into. He could hear footsteps and voices in the busy hospital. Voices called and phones echoed down the hall. Danny put his hand on the doorknob and it slowly swung open. The bed came into view and gradually he was able to make out her shape on the bed. Stepping forward his mum came into view.
“Looks like she’s sleeping,” Danny whispered hoarsely blinking back tears. His dad didn’t reply, he just gripped Danny’s shoulders tighter and made a strange sound deep within his throat as he tried to control his own tears.
Danny moved away from his dads grasp and stood closer to his mum. He tentatively moved his arm forward and straightened a few strands of her blonde hair laying askew on the pillow. He leaned close to her face, not too close, not wanting to actually touch her. He was scared of what her skin would feel like but also desperately wanting her to sit up and hug him.
“Mum wake up,” he whispered. “Please wake up.”
When they reached home they found a row of familiar cars lined outside their house. He wasn’t sure who everyone was at first but as soon as they pulled up he saw both sets of grandparents emerging from the cars and then an aunt and uncle. His dad looked washed out and confused. Danny wanted to be close to him but the grown ups were crowding around and fussing over them, separating them. Despite the fuss Danny felt empty and alone. People spoke to him but he felt unable to answer. As soon as the words left their lips he couldn’t remember what they had said.
They all went into the house. His dad was taken into the back room by his mum’s parents and they closed the door behind them. Danny frowned.
“Nan why have they shut the door?” he asked his other grandmother who was in the process of making a million cups of tea. She turned around and stroked his face gently.
“Poor little Danny,” she sighed. “This must be terrible for you.”
“Marge don’t make it worse,” her husband chastised her. She just shook her head in despair and collapsed back in the chair behind her. Danny’s granddad crouched beside him.
“How about a hug for your old granddad?” he asked.
Danny took the arms that his granddad offered and hugged him tightly, hanging his head in the crook of his neck taking comfort in his embrace.
“You just ignore us old fuddies Dan. Don’t let your nan make you upset, you know how women can be.” He ruffled Danny’s hair and looked at his pain filled face. “We’ve here for you kiddo. It’s going to be a long haul.”
Danny looked up on the kitchen wall where there was a family photograph of him with his parents. Three laughing faces. His mum’s blonde locks shining in the Mediterranean sunshine. Her eyes sparkling. Eyes he’d never see again.
