Tony.K

i can't think of any title for my story. any suggestions?

it's still woking in progress.

The shots were loud, the bank robbers rushed out the bank with briefcases full of bank notes, most of them $100 bills. They held guns against hostages’ heads; the hostages were taped with duct tape to their mouths and hands. The cops could not get a clear shot. “Just release them.” said a cop holding a gun towards the robber. “If we get away clean with out cops behind us or have leads in our body at all, I will release them safely.” said one of the robbers calmly. They walked closer to their car and opened the back seat door. He pushed the hostages in to the seat of the car along went the other robber holding a powerful Winchester 45 magnum hand gun in his hand. “Don’t move or you get a bullets in your head, got it?” said the robber. The hostages nodded yes. The man started the engine and accelerated down the streets of New Jersey.

They sped up as they entered the high way. After 50 minutes of non stop driving the driver exited the highway. “What are you doing Max?” said the man in the back seat. “I have to take a leak.” answered Max. He stopped at a gas station. Max looked around. It was deserted but it still flowed with gasoline and diesel fuel. “Hand me the gun Hank. I need it.” Asked Max. “Man, you are just going to the men’s room and you need gun to go with ya? You are a one strange person Max.” complained Hank, he resisted for a while and handed the gun to Max. Hank took out his back up gun from his gun holster. It was just a small hand gun but it was strong enough to kill a person. Max opened the door and walked out of the car. But instead of going to the bathroom He went across the road and kept on walking. Hank looked at him for a moment and saw Max taking out something from his pocket. It was some kind of a remote. Then Hank relised it was a detonator. Hank quickly graved the door handle but not quick enough to open it, with a loud bang the car blew up then the gas station glowed of bright red as it turned in to smoke, Max felt the hot flame burning. As the flame grew smaller into a controllable size, he took out a pocket sized fir extinguisher. He walked to what remains to be the car. He pulled the pin out of the extinguisher and grabbed the briefcases out if the burning car. The heat was unbearable but it was worth it. “I knew I had to get the fire proof briefcases instead of sacks.” Said Max to himself as he came out of the heat. He took his gun out and put the silencer on. He walked toward a Ford GT500KR. He opened the door and saw a couple kissing in the front seat. “Out!” shouted Max, pointing the gun at them. The couple did what they were told without a fuss. “Now that you saw my face, you must die.” He pointed the gun at the girl first and pulled the trigger. The boy looked at his dead girl friend and said “YOU BASTARD! YOU SHOT HER!” Max looked at the dead body and pointed the gun towards the boy. The silencer did its job and killed the boy instantly without attracting any attention what so ever. He dragged the body to the dumpster and threw the bodies in it. He walked back to the ford and started it, it roared as the v8 engine started up. The car raced out of the streets and back on the highway.

“Hey, we found more dead bodies near the gas station. Female and male, age around 19, and was shot both in the head. I doubt they resisted. We tested the bullets and were from a 45 Magnem Winchester hand gun. It’s illegal in some states including this one. Both of the victims were probably murdered by the same person. I mean it’s too much to be a coincident. Right?” said Snr Officer Frank McCarthy. “But what was so important about the money that he had to kill his own friend and kill more people.”

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If you are reading this, you have just wasted 5 seconds of you're life. If you are STILL reading this, STOP READING THIS! That's anoher 5 seconds of you're life.

phurst

The shots were loud, the bank robbers rushed out the bank with briefcases full of bank notes, most of them $100 bills. - Split the sentences. 'The shots were loud. "The..." and instead of bank notes, use money, and delete 'most of them $100 as unnecessary. You can also say a briefcase containing $30,000 dollars in large bills.
They held guns against hostages’ heads; the hostages were taped with duct tape to their mouths and hands.- held their guns on the hostages. Duct tape had been used to bind their hands and cover their mouths. Don't use duct tape to tape. They rushed out with the hostages?
“If we get away clean with out cops behind us or have leads in our body at all, I will release them safely.” said one of the robbers calmly. - "leads in our body.."??? And I can't imagine rushing out of the bank, surrounded by cops and hostages and being calm.
Hand gun in his hand - fix.

This whole thing needs alot of work. Read it out loud. Read sentence by sentence and fix it.

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I am what I am and you made me that way.

Tony.K

yeah, like i said it's only 1st draft

__________________
If you are reading this, you have just wasted 5 seconds of you're life. If you are STILL reading this, STOP READING THIS! That's anoher 5 seconds of you're life.

Tony.K

__________________
If you are reading this, you have just wasted 5 seconds of you're life. If you are STILL reading this, STOP READING THIS! That's anoher 5 seconds of you're life.