Midnight (changed the ending rewrote the start) - Writers Forum

gr8writer · 04-28-2008, 11:24 PM

The leaves crunch beneath my feet as I move rhytmically to the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. The headphones that were in my ears now lay ignored on my shoulders. I've decided I don't need music this morning, the sounds of nature are enough. A crisp wind curls it's fingers through my short hair as my nostrils take in it's icy freshness. "Perhaps I should have woke Midnight up," I say aloud to myself. My seven year old dog dearly loves these outings though he's sleeping in more nowadays. There is a scream in the distance but I'm used to that. The screach owls usually go to sleep around twilight. Wait a minute, was that Midnight's bark? Surely he would not venture out on his own, maybe he's trying to find me.

I've decided to retrace my steps, I need a breather anyway. I'll walk back past the bend it's only about twenty yards, then if he's on the path, I'll see him. "Midnight?" I call out in case he can hear me, stillness is my response. It must have been my imagination, perhaps my longing for his companionship prompted it. "Back to work" I tell myself sternly, "No pain, no gain." Only slightly fazed, I jog on for another ten minutes.

It's about time I turned back. Now that wasn't my imagination! I definitely heard a bark, it couldn't have been more than two yards away. The trees seem to spin as I turn quickly to meet it. The air is eerily still like all at once the birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped blowing, the whole world stopped turning. There should be a dog but the path is empty. Where did that bark come from? Maybe I misjudged the distance, it could have been farther away I suppose. My skin is crawling with fear and uncertainty, maybe I should jog it off.

Within a few steps I'm already laughing at myself. What a silly thing to be scared of, a ghost dog! The very idea is ludicrous. The smile fades from my lips as I look up from the path and see him...

Coming right after my recent scare the sight of him stills my heart. His black fur is torn in several places, exposing raw flesh and nerve. "What happened to you Midnight?" I question looking into his eyes. This has to be Midnight, who else could it be? He is the same breed the same size and even has the same type of collar. A single bark, sharp and deliberate, is his only response. His tail does not wag in recognition of me. A lump comes up into my throat which I quickly force down. I have to find out for certain.

My hand trembles as I reach for his name tag. Calm down, I mentally prepare myself for the worst. When he bares his teeth at me I recoil. They are dripping with fresh blood. "Where are you going," I call in vain as he bolts into the woods. Something inside me tells me this is Midnight. He's in trouble and needs my help. Maybe it's stupid of me, running after a dog with bloody teeth and a torn coat. It seems ridiculous to think that this could possibily be the sweet lovable dog I've known all these years. Still I follow, as closely as I can, till we come to a clearing.

If I had thought for a moment that the dog was some kind of hallucination, seeing the woman has proven me wrong. She can't be very old, late twenties or early thirties I estimate. Large bite marks mar her flesh in several places and her clothing is ripped. The teeth have gone deep into her upper arm and blood is gushing from the wound. The clearing is barely five yards from one end to the other and the dog has disappeared into the woods once again. I cannot follow the dog any longer, this woman is still breathing she needs my help. I notice a mesquite branch laying less than a foot away from her hand as I approach her. The largest thorn has a tuft of black fur on it and there is a bloody handprint at it's base.

I'm afraid to move her, what can I do? The clearing must be yards away from the road, no one else could find it. I don't even know how I found it. Yes I do, actually. It was the dog, he led me here. "Not on purpose," I think aloud, looking from her wounds to the mesquite branch. I must hurry before he comes back. "Midnight is home sleeping!" I say just for emphasis, "That dog has nothing to do with him!" Our house is five miles out of town as it is and I'm several yards into the woods, even if I am strong enough to carry her I realize that her wounds are too severe, she shouldn't be moved. Of course, the thought hits me like a thunderbolt. My cell phone. I hope the battery isn't dead!

"First things first," the cliche does not escape me. "I've got to get you fixed up." With a little effort my jacket tears into strips. The first thing I have to do is stop the bleeding. "Thank God for those candy striper days when I was 16" I recollect gently tying her arm with my makeshift bandage. "Nine-One-One" aloud as I dial the numbers. The call will not go through, no signal. "Damn," I must think quickly. Even if I can find my way to the road, how can I ensure I'll find this clearing again? Unless, my eyes dart to the remnant of my jacket, I mark a trail.
Every couple of feet I tie a strip of my jacket to a tree. This had better work. My jacket is getting smaller and smaller, I hope I find the road soon. Luck is with me, I see pavement up ahead. Just need to tie one more marker to show the entrance, there! My cell phone shows only three bars, not a very strong signal.

"Nine one one, how may I help you" the voice is distant but clear.

"Send someone to River Lane as quickly as possible, there is an injured woman in the woods!"

"May I have the address?" she questions.

"No address, towards the mountains! Maybe five miles out! I'll flag him down, just hurry!" The urgency of the situation lends itself to my tone and I begin pacing. The siren is apparent almost immediately and grows louder with each passing second. I know my thoughts cannot effect the speed of the ambulance but I close my eyes and mentally hurry it along. As the siren grows louder I open my eyes and see it coming up the road.

"Here!" I shout waving my arms frantically. "Over here!" The ambulance sees me and comes to a halt a few feet ahead.

"Follow me," I instruct the two men.

"How far back is it?" one of them asks as we follow my trail.

"You're a pretty resourceful woman tearing up your jacket to mark a trail like that!" the other one admires.

Without stopping I smile at the compliment. "Girl scouts!" I respond.

The men are carrying a folding stretcher and do not move as quickly as I do. When I emerge into the clearing the branch catches my eye. Without thinking I kick it under a bush before the EMT's arrive.

"Her pulse is faint, but she's alive!" the bigger one says. "I think you may have saved her life."

"What do you think happened to her," I feign ignorance as a knot builds in my stomach.

"Animal attack," is the immediate answer. "Judging from the size of the teeth marks and other wounds, I'd say it was probably a large dog or cat!" The world seems to go dead again as they carry her to the ambulance. Three pairs of feet thud the ground to break the stillness. I need to get home and feed Midnight, I think to excuse myself from accompanying her. Still I do need to know what happens to her, who she is or was.

"Would it be too much trouble," I speak up as they load her into the ambulance. "To give me a call when her condition changes?"

"Not at all," the smaller one replies handing me a pen from his pocket and a scrap of paper. "Give us your number and we'll pass it on to the Doc." The other one glares at him as if to say this is too much trouble but I scribble my number down as quickly as possible.

"Thank you," I mumble.

The ambulance is hardly out of my sight when I begin to run towards my home. Poor Midnight, alone for all this time. He must be awake by now. I hope he hasn't missed me too much. I reach my front door and collapse immediately into the porch swing. I'll just rest here a minute before I go in.

"I'm home Midnight" I call opening the screen door. "Sorry it took me so long!" Why can't I hear Midnight scurrying to meet me? He must still be asleep. "Come on boy, time to wake up!" He isn't where I left him. Maybe he went upstairs when he awoke without me. "This isn't funny Midnight! I know you're here, come on out! Please, Midnight don't hide, it's me Lizzy!" My voice grows more and more frantic as soon as I realize Midnight is gone...

I think a part of me has known all along that it was no strange dog which led me to that clearing. I still cannot fully accept this truth. "Midnight couldn't do that!" I scream. No one is listening, at this moment the whole world seems empty to me. I selfishly try to blame the woman, "If he did do it, it must have been self defense." The evidence will not let me. The bloody handprint I'd seen was proof she'd been attacked first. I cry for the loss of my pet. I scream for the injustice of the world. I wish I'd brought him with me that morning.

If only Midnight were here, the evidence is piling up against him and I know what has to be done if he is guilty. I will have to turn him in to be tested for rabies. That means they’ll kill him, I flinch. I try to remember if I’d seen him foaming at the mouth or not. Can I really be thinking about turning my own dog over to a certain death? How can I avoid it? If anyone finds out they'll force me to. I have to tell someone but I can't bring myself to do it. It won't do any good anyway, I tell myself. I don't even know where he is. The rest of the day passes in a fog.

I look at my clock, it reads 7:30; I need to be at work in a half an hour. I shake my head as the events of yesterday sweep through my mind, I cannot go. I decide to call in sick. I reassure myself that I really am sick, my ailments are simply not physical. Midnight had not returned last night as I thought he might. I even left the door open for him in case he got back while I was asleep. I lay down in bed but sleep eludes me. I keep hearing that ear piercing scream, it gets louder and louder every time I hear it. I keep seeing that poor woman laying there so helpless, covered with blood, every time I close my eyes. I search the woods, calling his name, for what seems like an eternity. He doesn't want to be found. I cannot eat, I cannot sit still. I can do nothing but wait by the phone watching the door. It gets dark out, I lay down but again sleep will not find me. I try to read a book, the words are a blur. I flick on the T.V.-- dog food commercials seem to be on every channel, then I find the news:

"Still no sign of the animal, believed to be a large dog or cat, which attacked and injured 30 year old wife and mother Toni Smith yesterday morning leaving her in critical condition..." I turn it off and give an unwilling shudder.

The night has turned into daylight and I hear the phone ring. I look at it uncertainly, it may be the hospital. Slowly I bring the receiver to my ear, it's my boss.

"How are ya doin' sweety?" there is a note of concern in her voice.

"I'm still not feeling very well," I fake a cough to convince her.

"What about Midnight? Do you need someone to come over there and feed him?" I know she means well but this comment gets under my skin.

"He's asleep right now but he's doing just fine," I lie, hoping I sounded convincing. I cannot bear the thought of her coming here. The conversation has shaken me even more. I put my head in my hands and cry. It has been many years since I have wept so stormily. When my tears are all dried up and I cannot cry anymore I fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

I find myself immediately back in those woods staring at Toni Smith trying to fight him off. I try to run to her but I realize that I cannot move. He is bending over her like a lion after the kill, suddenly he turns and looks directly at me. "I did it!" he laughs, something evil in his voice. "I did it Lizzy, I tried to kill her."

"You're not my dog!" I shout at him. "You're not Midnight!"

I come back to reality with a jolt. Sweat is dripping down my face and pooling in my cleavage. I try to stand but my knees give way. My whole body trembles with a combination of hunger and fright. I have not eaten a bite since that morning, every time I try a lump comes into my throat and I put the food down. As soon as I find the strength, I search the woods again. Part of me hopes I will find Midnight safe, part of me hopes I will not find him at all.

I can't bring myself to go back to the clearing, the thought is too painful to bear. If he's there it's almost certainly a sign of his guilt. The images of that place are too fresh in my head. The police have been there, they've found the stick by now. The good thing is they haven't found Midnight. The phone begins to ring it's shrill cry screams disaster.

"May I please speak with Elizabeth Parker?" the voice seems to come from another world.

"This is she, how may I help you?" I respond woodenly, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

"This is Maryville Public Hospital." I close my eyes mentally preparing myself for the worst. "Your friend, Mrs. Smith is conscious..." tears come to my eyes and I almost don't hear the rest "....must speak with you!" I need to see her, maybe it's selfish of me. If I can be sure that she's okay I won't have to tell anyone. Suddenly I realize that even if I don't tell anyone, she might. My heart sinks into oblivion once again.

The whole way to the hospital I pray that she doesn't remember. When I see the big H with the arrow I panic and almost miss my turn. What if she knows? Maybe she's seen me jogging with Midnight before.

I walk to the front desk but there's no one there. Critical condition, the news report had said. I navigate my way to ICU. "Toni Smith?" I ask a passing nurse.

"Victim of an animal attack?" she questions. I flinch, hoping she doesn't notice, and nod. The nurse brings me up to date as she leads me to Mrs. Smith’s room. "Toni needs her rest so try not to excite her too much. Her husband hasn't left her bedside since he found out. He told me he reported Toni missing when she didn't come back from her bird watching trip that morning. That’s how she was identified so quickly." I picture Mr. Smith getting the call. My dog did this, it was my fault.

We arrive at her bedside and I am relieved to find that she is alone. It seems Mr. Smith had taken the nurse's advice to "go home and rest" when he found out his wife would live. The nurse introduces us and I get my first good look at the woman my dog mauled.

Toni's face is almost hidden in bandages but I can still tell she is glad to see me. At least that means she doesn't know, for now. "Nice to meet you," she mumbles "I wanted to thank the woman who saved my life." My cheeks grow hot with shame. She thinks I saved her life when it was my fault she was attacked in the first place. I wonder what she would think of me if she knew. Would she hate me? Her words are white noise in my ears until I hear something unusual which makes me wake up and take notice.

"If it hadn't been for you and that dog... I would have been killed."

"W-What dog?" I stammer. Maybe she's delusional, maybe she saw Midnight bring me to her. A million things go through my mind in the course of two seconds as she musters the strength to explain it to me.

"Big black one . . . came just in time too... That panther... would have killed me ... I found this big stick ... tried to protect myself ... just made him madder. All of a sudden... big black dog ... came out of nowhere... he attacks the panther. Fainted... woke up here...," I can tell it's hard for her to get the words out but she continues with resolve "Poor dog . . . probably dead. Wish I could thank him..." Her voice trails off... With each phrase she awakens a memory of that morning. Midnight brought me to her, the stick covered in dark fur and skin, the theory that the attack was done by a large cat or dog.

The television in the background becomes louder as Toni falls back asleep. "A break has been made in the case of attack victim Toni Smith!" the anchor breaks in. "Angela Stewart is live in the woods just off River Lane, Angela"

"Thank you Tim, 29 year old Jack Loggins was jogging in these woods when he saw the decaying corpse of what appeared to be a large black bear. He immediately alerted authorities and after further investigation it was discovered to be not one animal but two. The panther which matches the description given by Toni Smith of her attacker and a large black dog believed to be the one she professes saved her life. The two apparently killed each other and have been dead for three days, the exact number of days since Mrs. Smith's almost fatal attack. The dog's name was Midnight but there was no address on his name tag so attempts to find his owner have been unsucessful."

Sen Yama · 07-02-2008, 10:48 PM

I like it, but you have some serious tence problems. Your tense shifts within almost every sentance.

gregorio · 07-07-2008, 09:13 PM

Kool story! Some odd things I found:
"What do you think happened to her," I ask ignorantly a knot building up in my stomach (I ask innocently a knot building in my stomach. ??possible??)
"...in bed but sleep alludes me." (do you mean: sleep eludes me.)
"...the men who emmerge." (emerge)
"...not a strong signal but a signal none the less." (It is OK but you can do better than "none the less.) !!!!!!
Even though you are writing in the first person, so many sentences starting with "I" just seemed awkward. There must be a way around that but I don't know for sure how to do it. The story is solid and it pulled me in. THe rough edges need filed down! Hope this helps and you did not think me too mean!

gr8writer · 07-09-2008, 11:12 AM

not at all, I think that the more constructive criticism I get the better. If I ever hope to sell a story it's going to have to be in tip top condition after all. Any comment is better than none. Thank you for your time and your words I'll reread and rewrite a little to try and smooth the rough edges.