jellyfish

It’s Saturday and the pirate and I have concluded a breakfast meeting at the neighborhood café. You know the place; I’ve mentioned it in other missives detailing our escapades. We are great hands at Saturday escapades. I’m jellyfish, by the way.

“What,” the pirated queries, “should we do?”

I say, “Let’s run home and grab those gift cards we got for Christmas and head out to the shopping Mecca.”

The shopping Mecca is otherwise known as the Town Center. Oddly enough, it is located at the far western edge of town, not the center. Shopping at a town center is just about the same as shopping at a mall except you spend more money. But, I digress. The point is we have gift cards from Pottery Barn and World Market. Both of these fine establishments are located in the Town Center, so, off we go.

After careful examination of the wares at Pottery Barn and its sister store, Williams-Sonoma, we are still empty-handed, and the pirate is hungry. We spot an On the Border restaurant from the vantage point of our parking space. It takes something just shy of 20 minutes to wind through the labyrinth of parking areas and frontage roads to reach it. The place is rocking with a very young, yuppie crowd. Nevertheless, the food is worth all the frustration.
As we’re sucking down the remnants of our margaritas, the pirate suggests we stop by the Lincoln Mercury dealer to look at the Mountaineers. Just for something to do, you understand. I say okay even though I hate, really hate, car dealerships.

Well, there’s a gorgeous cherry pearl 2008 Mountaineer in the showroom. Monty, our three year old Mountaineer, is looking a little shabby in comparison. I say there is no way we are buying a new vehicle. Surprisingly, no debate ensues.

Just as I’m thinking we’re on our way out of there, the salesman says, “Wait! We have a 2007 Mountaineer left over. It has a rebate and zero percent financing.”

Of course, we must go have a look. It is very sharp. Not only that, I feel certain that on road trips it will learn how to stop at a suitable hotel at martini time just like Monty does.

Here’s the part where our astute business acumen comes in. We debate the merits of purchasing a black vehicle and lament the fact that there is no iPod connection. A test drive proves it rides nicer than Monty.

“Make an offer,” the salesman says, “and we’ll see if it sticks. The worst that can happen is you don’t buy a vehicle today.”

The salesman is Russ. He looks 25 but says he is 35. He is way too tan for February in Des Moines. And, his hair is bleached blonde on top and very dark on the bottom. Hint to all, especially those of the male persuasion, this is not a good look. Despite all that, he seems like a nice guy. The pirate and I do a quick powwow and come up with what we want for Monty and how far down off the sticker price the dealer must come.

Russ says, “There’s no way that he (meaning the manager) will take that.”

We encourage him to present the offer anyway. Well, it turns out, he won’t take that, but we are only about $1200 apart. The deal is soon sealed.

The pirate informs me that since he is retired, I’ll have to take out the loan for the difference between trade-in value of Monty and the price of the ‘07. Fine, he can be secondary on it, I think. But no, he does not want his name anywhere on the loan. He just wants the vehicle.

The finance guy says, “You know you’re married, so it doesn’t matter if your name’s on the loan or not. You’re on the hook.”
The pirate acknowledges this but remains entrenched in his position. Then he says he does want his name on the title, though.

“No dice,” says the finance manager. “You have to be on the loan to be on the title.”

The pirate decides he doesn’t need to be on the title, either.

I am now the proud owner of a 2007 Mountaineer that I was not shopping for, didn’t know I wanted, and certainly didn’t need. To top it all off, I regularly take advantage of public transportation.

Once home, we begin to wonder what the NADA price for Monty is and what the price for a 2007 is. A few clicks of a mouse, and I have determined that we did, in fact, get a good deal on both counts.

“jellyfish, did you look at the sticker?” the pirate asks.

“There was a sticker?” I say.

He says, “I wonder what options are on that vehicle.”

I have no clear idea but tell him for the price I’m assuming it has everything. Not knowing will just add to the excitement when we pick it up. Normal people probably check all this stuff out before they purchase a vehicle, not after.

The new vehicle, Black Bart, is in the driveway now. Indeed, he is fully loaded. Once again our savvy has pulled us through.

We never did use those gift cards; stay tuned.

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jellyfish

just another day in paradise

gr8writer

I thought it was ammusing, rough around the edges needs a little work. I especially liked that tip to all men about the bleached ends. Keep it up.

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Healing

Be gentle, it's my baby.
j/k have fun you won't hurt my feelings.

Just Jim

If I were to guess, Jel, I'd say that was verbatim as it happened.
Very funny read. The kind of thing the Readers' Digest might print.

You're married to this 'pirate'? On purpose?

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http://jimsstories.wordpress.com/
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The Oddville Press
Accepting short stories, poetry, and art.

jellyfish

Thanks for the comments.

Just Jim, Yes, I am married to the pirate - on purpose. Remember this is creative non-fiction. We did buy a vehicle on a whim but it didn't happen exactly the way I told it. The salesman's name wasn't Russ.

gr8writer, Thanks for your comments. Amusing was my main goal. I don't disagree the piece needs some polish, but I am wondering if you can be more specific as to what bothered you. I've found that someone else can point something out that I never noticed, but the minute it's pointed out, it leaps off the page at me.

jel

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jellyfish

just another day in paradise

TJ Cruse

Jel, I thought it was a clever, witty piece, especially the personality you attributed to Monty.

Nice story.

TJ

No Brakes

Hey j'fish - I quite like this piece too! It did make me chuckle.

A couple of things stood out that might polish it up a bit. Near the start, I am wondering if you could convert some of what you are telling us into dialogue and thus add a little more spark to it? This passage is a good example of one I think could be improved by doing that:

The other thing that kind of threw me was in a line of dialogue by Russ:Putting that parenthetical part into his line feels very awkward to me. You could do something like: Russ, nodding his head towards the sales manager's office, says, " There's no way that he will go for that."

Just my $0.02.