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O.K., first of all I liked the story. I think that it is time to prune it, however. Remove those elements that slow down the story itself. Gr8 would you take a moment and reread the meeting between the victim and Elizabeth? Did you see how dynamic it was, how quickly it moved the story along? I think you have a knack for dialogue and you should include it more in the story. Put in the conversation between the boss and the Elizabeth. Take a look at the paragraph that begins ... "Midnight is not home..."I know you are trying to show the MC in denial and pain, but you are doing the reader's work for them. Give her some dialogue. Let he talk to herself out loud. Let the dialogue show just how much pain she is in and how badly she doesn't want to believe the evidence. Clearly you have the skills to do it.
Rumpole.
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A humble wolf with dreams of being on a stamp, releasing an autobiography, having a film made showing his daily struggles, having a world wide fan club... - Code Red
"Doing? You're doing what ANY sane man in your appalling circumstances would do. You're going mad." - The Killing Joke.
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