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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 04-15-2008, 10:09 AM   #1
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Overdue separation

In the flat opposite, I saw the bleak routine of a lonely middle-aged man: he’d leave for work at 7, get back at 5, go jogging at 6, eat supper at 7, pace about a little, watch TV, and go to bed. My partner and I tended not to talk about him. We knew that if we were to go round there and try to befriend him he’d probably just think we pitied him. Occasionally, he’d wave across at us, or smile, but we’d pretend not to see it. We thought that he might be one of those people who are hard to get rid of, or who are heavy friends and never stop ringing you, or who only speak about themselves constantly, or, in a our more murkier moments, thought he might be a serial killer or a paedophile.

I suppose it was no coincidence that when the overdue separation from my partner occurred, and she moved out, I started saying hello to this man, and without becoming his friend I got to know him little by little.

Last edited by spongeware : 04-16-2008 at 05:08 AM. Reason: To make clearer
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:19 AM   #2
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Nice presumptious piece.

But, I didn't get 'overdue separation'. How could a separation be overdue? Uless it was an already established relationship that needed to be extinguish, but that extinguishment was beyond it's expiration date. But that doesn't sound like the case here, unless you mean that as soon as it's started it should end not even knowing if the presumptions are correct?
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:48 AM   #3
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Thanks!

Thanks for your comments thales. They helped me to iron out a part of the story that wasn't that clear to the reader.

Cheers,

Spongeware
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:12 AM   #4
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Not a bad attempt at flash.

Thanks for posting.

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Old 04-24-2008, 02:58 AM   #5
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Quite likes this. It took me by surprise at the end.

Thanks for the read.

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Old 04-26-2008, 05:29 PM   #6
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I quite like the term "heavy friends" - gave me a right chuckle.
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The Battered Suitcase
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