somebodytoldme

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somebodytoldme

Pretty much, Alarico goes to jail Al Capone style.

thales

I like how you started this out. I could feel the character slowly come into focus by how you pointed out what he does. Athough I think the Robin Hood metaphor is misplaced. You didn't give any indication before you used it that he stold from the rich and gave to the poor.

I really, really like your use of metaphors otherwise, "gutter glitter", "clothes resembled Swiss cheese ", "shoes crumbled a little more with every step", etc.

The ending fell flat. I don't believe it for a second. This big guy caving into doing time. Yeah, right. And, a guy calling that has his direct number telling him to give in? I can't see a guy having his direct number asking him this. I could see a guy saying, let's meet for a plan to fight this thing Scarface style.

I'd give these guys an attitude adjustment. Toughen there asses up a bit, gangster style.

somebodytoldme

Thanks

Yeah reading it again, the ending does sound extremely far-fetched. I think I'll have to change the plot. I don't think I can do the whole "jail thing" in 1000 words. Maybe he can just murder or bribe somebody.

somebodytoldme

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