dhyre

*** Before I start, I would like to ask that this is considered as a piece of writing, no one go calling the cops for a unnecessary panic.

Nathan's Closet
- a blog about me for the few that might stumble across it.

October 11 2004
12:08 am

I can't write poetry so I'm not gonna pretend. I'm a highly depressed teen who thinks of suicide daily, and cuts himself to relieve pain. But tonight, I want to talk about how it is that I imagine my funeral every night before heading to bed. I think of who will actually cry at this funeral.
Who will be happy, if anyone. Who will tell me they love me as I lie cold and dead in a box, to be lowered into the equally cold and dead ground. I think of the people I have loved though they hurt me in return, what will they say? Will they will renounce what they did, what they said. Will they will admit they still love me, will they declare their lack of satisfaction with me say that they never loved me to begin with.
I think about what people will be talking about in the crowd as they stand above me, whether they will talk of good times they had with me, of good times they wish they had had with me, or of bad times we got through. Is my death is partially their fault, or is it was just because I am a stupid naive teenager? Maybe they will talk about unimportant things like the weather to fill the empty spaces where loving memories should be. Will it be silent save for the sobs of my few close and beloved mates? I think of whether or not they will care...I believe many will, I believe many probably will not.
I wonder if people I have merely been introduced to will be upset.
I wonder if the school will stop classes because of my death.
These are the things I wonder as I lie in bed waiting for sleep to take hold. I wonder if when I fall asleep I will not awaken, but I always do, as depressed as the day before, as stupid as the day before, as ugly as the day before, as fat as the day before.
But yet, strangely accepted as the day before. I wonder a lot of shit people shouldn't. Stuff that maybe you will think is ridiculous to even have spend time thinking about. I think of these things in great depth each and every night, and sometimes during the day. A lot of my life is spent on this shit actually. I wake up in the morning wondering if it’s the day I am going to snap and either kill myself, to kill a bunch of people and then myself. How many people can you say you know that have planned word for word at least 40 different variations of their own funeral, just because they naturally thought about it? Probably not many.
... I don't know why I decided to type this, maybe to make myself better understand, which I still don't. Or to just have a hard copy of my thoughts, you know, for safe keeping and whatnot.
Anyways I am going to stop right about now. Good night. Nathan

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*** correction: Writing is about individuality, breaking the rules, testing new grounds, listening to ourselves. That's why we do it, to show we are individuals, we are human and because everyone's idea deserves a chance, even if you don't think so.

Fyodor

I think you forgot to put in some question marks.

Maybe a space between each new paragraph would make it easier to read.


Those are the only things I think you should change. I thought it was good.

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“Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.” --James Joyce


Critique me and I'll do my best to help you.

thales

This sounds very realistic nice job. I'd like to see the resolution. Does he flip out finally and kill himself? Does he get help and get better? Wow. ing depressing, right on. Keep it up!

dhyre

Thanks, I will make sure to do that.

d.

__________________
*** correction: Writing is about individuality, breaking the rules, testing new grounds, listening to ourselves. That's why we do it, to show we are individuals, we are human and because everyone's idea deserves a chance, even if you don't think so.