TCWGLITB: Crazy is Relative and Relatives are Crazy - Writers Forum

sanctuary · 04-12-2008, 09:34 PM

Home is supposed to be safe…isn’t it? I wish I were one of those cookie cutter kids. You know the type, even if the word sounds foreign to your ears. The kind of children who look like they were cast from the same mold, who have two loving parents, a few normal siblings, and maybe even a family dog to cuddle with when cuddling is needed. Instead, I have two parents, A.K.A. Big Bitch Barbie and Schizophrenic Ken, whose marriage is a complete sham; an older brother who is nineteen going on nine and a younger brother who likes to touch me in a way a brother should not touch a sister, not to mention a family bird who likes to bite me when I’m not paying attention. And the sad part of it all is, I know that none of this is going to change. Is it my fault? Did I do something in a past life to deserve this? Or am I just weak? Maybe I’m just crazy, and all of this isn’t real…. yeah, that’s it. Maybe I was just dropped on my head a lot when I was a child, or I sniffed too much glue in kindergarten. Or… maybe my family really isn’t crazy.
Maybe I’m the crazy one.

Crazy for Cocoa Puffs,
The Chick Who Gets Lost In The Background

phurst · 04-14-2008, 12:31 PM

What type of critique are you looking for? Too short to tell much about your ability. Grammatically okay with a few exceptions.
Maybe I’m just crazy, and all of this isn’t real…. yeah, that’s it - delete the first comma.
I wish I were one of those cookie cutter kids. - I'd rather see it written different. Too much of a tongue twister. "Why couldn't I be a cookie cutter kid?"
The kind of children who look like they were cast from the same mold, who have two loving parents, a few normal siblings, and maybe even a family dog to cuddle with when cuddling is needed. - not a complete sentence.

sanctuary · 04-14-2008, 04:58 PM

thanks.
I wsnt really looking for a critique, I just felt like posting this, but thanks for looking at it.
~Sanc~