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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 04-01-2008, 08:15 PM   #1
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Zooey Glass is on a distinguished road
The Last Year of the Linnen Maker

There is an old man here. He is old beyond admirable, old beyond respectable. He

has past the numbered year that is revered by the growing-older, and has become one of

the unconsidered, almost-dead. But he is not dead.

The world is failing with him. Old age has softened it to dull greys and browns, it

is always wet, and never raining; the world is waiting to die.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

The stairs are wide and deep and cold and almost never-ending. Almost. Two men

were on the stairs, walking step by step in perfect unison. Their progress was slow. The

Tailor did not bother to hide his irritation at the elder man’s inability to keep up a faster,

steadier pace; but to arrive without him would be pointless and foolhardy.

The garment the pair carries between them was wrapped in purity cloth; soft white,

yellowed and softened with age. Yes, the years have grown longer of late.

The garments of the Tailor were not so old as the cloth which he carried. They

were beautiful clothes; ruby read pants belted in at the ankles with pitch black silk, a

black top to match, in silk oh so fine, with red shot through it like the veins of a leaf. But

it was the head piece that was the most impressive; a towering turban, purple like rage,

punctuated with beads and jewels, stuffed into the folds with determination, and stitched

onto every free surface. From underneath, the Tailors grey, shiny-slick hair laid in aged

submission.

She was at the top of the stair, in her room. As with every week, she was

waiting. As was her custom, she was wearing the dress from last week.

“Your highness,” spoke the Tailor “I think you will be very pleased with what I

have brought you.” He stole a quick glance at his decrepit companion.

“You, Tailor? Not alone, I hope.” The Queen turned around, and upon seeing the

older man, the tense muscles in her lovely face relaxed.

The Queen was growing old. No, not old, but older. She had passed her thirtieth

year; but idleness had safeguarded her youth. As she turned, she glanced into the mirror

on the gilded table beside her, dimmed with layer upon layer of undisturbed dust and

nodded approvingly at her own nearly invisible reflection.

“The shade must be perfect, as you know. I cannot tolerate anything that

highlights a single, solitary, line on my visage. How will the people take strength from

their Queen if they see her aging?”

“The people, majesty?” Said the Tailor, striving to hide his surprise. “But her

majesty does not venture out among the common folk.”

“Our world is changing; we are becoming modern. As the old world parts, so too,

must old traditions; I will give the speeches in the place of my husband. He now finds

himself to tired and too busy to perform the duty.”

The Tailor glanced at the old man, but his eyes were grey and impassive.

“Well, bring it to me.”

The pair obeyed, and moving forward as one, they brought the garment to the

queen and lifted off the white covering.

Under the sheath of elderly white was a gown. A gown of the finest colours

imaginable. It was green and sharp, like the underside of a leaf, trimmed with the rocky

blue-grey of pebbles beneath a stream. The fabric seemed to shimmer slightly as it

twisted and turned, falling over the arms of the two men.

The queen nodded, and the two men laid the gown upon a chair; they turned to

leave.

“Linen maker,” Addressed the queen. The stooped, thin old man turned to look

upon the queen. “The King is in need of a new suit and cape, the other set was damaged.

If you need to check the colours, he can be found on his throne.”




The King was seated on a chair. The chair was in the middle of a room lined with

windows, between each of the windows was a mirror, so that the room seemed never

ending. The windows dripped with orphaned moisture; a pale blue-green light ricocheted

off each tiny sphere of water. The air was heavy. There was no sound heard. And no one

was listening.



If someone had stood on the left side of the room and looked into the mirror

through the dust and though the window behind them at just the right angle, the fortunate

individual would have caught sight of the wooden room. The wooden room, completely

lined with that which had once been alive, seemed to draw the last gasps of energy from

those sorry once-were trees that covered its stone walls. In stark contrast to this shadow

of nature was the machine. The machine was called the Ocu-cerebrine. It was constructed

of millions upon millions of tiny wires that were interwoven between pillars of deep,

black metal. On each of the wires were a dozen or so sliding beads; these beads slid up

and down the wires, weaving between them soft-shining thread. In time to the clicking

and whirring of the Ocu-cerebrine was the sharp breathing of the Linen Maker. With

slow, purposeful hands he shifted the levers and gears on the table at which he sat, and as

he did a cloth of the finest weaving began to take shape. In the very back of the room, a

pot was hissing and boiling.

The Tailor was, at this time, also at work, but it was work of a different kind. He

was kneeling before the throne of the King. His stance seemed reverent. His face seemed

repulsed. He lifted the boot-shod feet of the King carefully and pulled from underneath

them a small, metal box. The box shook in the Tailors hands. The lid fell back on

fractured hinges; the jewels caught the sickly light.

The Queen stood at the foot of a great stone statue. The dress shimmered in the

sun that broke tiredly through the clouds; its fantastic shades, a tribute to the Linen

Maker’s talent. Around her, machines moved of their own accord, not working, but

breaking; falling to pieces from lack of love and care.

There might still be people in the houses.

The air was thick. The stench hit the back of her throat like an avalanche, but she

couldn’t acknowledge it. She couldn’t feel it.

There was water in the streets.



The Tailor’s aged hands slipped. The box fell with a clang. It echoed through the

hall like a rocket.

The Tailor gasped slightly at the shattered silence.

The King didn’t move.

The Linen Maker’s hands moved the levers at steadily increasing speeds. The

Ocu-cerebrine groaned. The clicking and spinning increased to a roar. The pace

quickened. The old man’s heart strove to keep time.



The Queen’s voice was like a bell, it cut through the quilted atmosphere. Her

dress was beautiful. Her subjects were bowing. Her subjects were dying. Her

hands were crusted red-brown.

Beside the King was a table. Beside the table was a sceptre. Beside the sceptre was a knife.

The Linen Maker was making new robes for the King. The old ones were stained.

The King didn’t seem to mind the red.

The pot behind the Linen Maker began to boil over. The Linen Maker was a

proud man. He would not let that blood stay in place. He’d boil the robes clean. Boil the

blood out.

The water poured over the top of the pot, hissing and heaving like a great beast.

The Tailor stood up, his hands filled with jewels. It does not matter whether or not

they were real. The Tailor would weave them and work them and squish them inside the

pieces of his elaborate wardrobe.

The jewels shifted and clicked together in the tailors hands. It was only when he

stood up and was still that he noticed what was happening.

The Queen looked around her. The buildings were painted beautiful, vibrant

colours, all children of the linen maker’s genius. The houses were stacked one on top of

another in friendly camaraderie, in the windows there were curtains of the finest fabrics

and patterns imaginable. The square before her throbbed with human life, people, dark

skinned, light-eyed people, all in gorgeous hues with sashes and ribbons intermingling in

the bustling crowd. They were lovely. They were for her.

Suddenly, the walls of the wooden room echoed with shrieks of machinery. The

floor was burning and boiling. The Linen Maker laid down his head. The Ocu-cerebrine

died with a scream and a sigh. The smoke rose into the darkening sky.

When the rain began to pour from the heavens, it quenched the fire the came

roaring from the pointed roof of the tower. The Tailor watched as the flames surrendered

to the torrent that attacked them so passionately. He thought of beautiful colours.

The Queen was dazzled. She did not notice the fire. All she saw were the hues

darkening as the water fell onto the robes of her people.

And the rain fell. And the world was dull and grey and wet. And the only person

the drops touched was the Queen.

1543 words
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Old 04-02-2008, 01:40 PM   #2
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Wow! Great job! You did an awesome job of describing the events in detail. When the tailor was showing the queen the dress, I could see it in my mind so clearly based on your descriptions. The similes in that paragraph were excellent. Just two real things I think you may want to look at.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zooey Glass View Post
The stairs are wide and deep and cold and almost never-ending. Almost. Two men were on the stairs, walking step by step in perfect unison. Their progress was slow.
That first sentence has a lot of "and" in it. Unless your doing that for some sort of "dramatic effect," I think it would be better as, "wide, deep, cold and almost never-ending." Also, you said "are" at the beginning but the rest of the story is in past tense. Unless I'm wrong, shouldn't it be "The stairs were wide"?

As I said, other than those two things which are very small, it's a very nice story. Good job.
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Old 04-10-2008, 04:27 PM   #3
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you certainly know how to paint a picture! I have to tell you that I thought some of this was too long, I might just be to tired though.
The Linen Maker was making new robes for the King. The old ones were stained.

T
Quote:
he King didn’t seem to mind the red.

The pot behind the Linen Maker began to boil over. The Linen Maker was a

proud man. He would not let that blood stay in place. He’d boil the robes clean. Boil the

blood out.
you have very many "the" 's and this seemed sort of choppy.

keep working on it, I loved the last sentence btw.
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Old 04-10-2008, 08:02 PM   #4
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Zooey, that was a nice piece. I found it very poetic, especially the first two or three paragraphs. I like the cadence and flow of the writing. Good imagery too. Great first post!

I did see a couple of typos.

Quote:
He now finds himself to tired and too busy to perform the duty


should be 'too tired'

Quote:
“Linen maker,” Addressed the queen.
One thing I'd recommend is saying 'said' instead of 'addressed' or just rephrase the sentence. If you keep it as is, don't capitalize Addressed.

Also, I noticed a few places where you might want to consider using a semi-colon instead of a comma. One example of this is the sentence below.

Quote:
The Queen’s voice was like a bell, it cut through the quilted atmosphere.
I hope to see more of your work on the forums soon.

TJ
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