granty1

I took a creative writing course, and was given the title of 'vegetables' for a flash fiction piece of no more than 300 words.. It was hilarious the following week to see the different ways students had interpreted such an ambiguous title.. It would be great if some of you guys could write one... Anyway, here's mine..

“Turnips? No; parsnips, definitely parsnips” he thought as he finely chopped the spring
onion. “They’ll roast better in the juices.” He had made a similar mistake before, and it
just wouldn’t do this time. Using the blade of the knife, he pushed the diced onion to
the far left of the chopping board, ensuring the pieces were exactly perpendicular to the carrots he had recently peeled. He noticed that the eggs lying beaten in the bowl were not alone; a small piece of shell had found its way into the mix. Lamenting his stupidity, he swore loudly and angrily threw the entire bowl in to the rubbish before cracking and beating them again, this time taking extreme care with the shells.

This threw his schedule off by at least a minute, and he worked doubly hard to redress the balance. When satisfied that time was again back on his side, he relaxed slightly, and adjusted the volume on the stereo system upwards, just as the symphony was reaching its climax. Picking up the knife, he began to conduct, expertly directing the blade in perfect unison with the orchestral arrangement. He stopped suddenly as he caught his reflection in the window. He turned to view his profile, and, still clutching the knife in his gloved hand, smiled admiringly at the sight. He let out a laugh, “This will be a triumph” he proclaimed in a voice that rose above the crescendo of the strings.
He strode purposefully to the far corner of the open plan kitchen, not even breaking stride to step over the decapitated body, and swung open the pantry door. “Oh yes, a triumph” he chuckled, as he selected a parsnip, “they will not be disappointed”.

Tiamat10

Ha! I loved the twist there at the end!

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The Backward OX

I don't get it

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Just Jim

Funny story. Your writing is very clean; moves quickly.

I don't get it either, but it doesn't matter. I can picture every bit of it perfectly.
And after all, how much can you do with "vegetables" ?

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qwertyman

I don't get it either.

OK here's mine...

Speed dating table six.

Jill: I’m a vegetarian.
Jack: Yes I know you told me…why did you tell me?
Jill: I thought you might like to know.
Jack: Do you think it makes you superior? It makes you a more caring person?
Jill: No.
Jack: I’ve got a cat. Have you got a cat?
Jill: No.
Jack: Do you think cats should be vegetarian?
Jill: Yes.
Jack: If cats only eat vegetables. We’d be up to our armpits in rats. There would probably be another plague. Do you know how many people died in the plague?

Jill: No
Jack: About sixty million.
Jill: Sixty million!
Jack: Sixty million in Hampshire alone.
Jill: But there aren’t sixty million in Hampshire now.
Jack: Not now there aren’t.
Jill: How do you know sixty million died in Hampshire.
Jack: My family are from Hampshire we have an estate, a thousand acres.

(pause)

Jill: A thousand acres.
Jack: Half of my ancestors could have bee wiped out because of vegetarian cats.
Jill: Do you have horses? I love horses.
Jack: A hundred, I have a hundred horses.

(pause)

Jill: I’m not a strict vegetarian I eat some things. A bit of chicken sometimes, pork, white meat. I eat white meat. I eat quite a lot of white meat.
Jack: I expect you’re teetotal and do voluntary works.
Jill: Why do you ask?
Jack: It seems to be the trend a lot of boring people doing a lot of boring, safe, politically correct things.
(pause)

Jill: I like a glass of wine.
Jack: Hey there you are… I like a glass or two.
Jill: And I smoke did I tell you I smoked? Got a cigarette?
Jack: Do you know how many people died in the fire of London?
(pause)
Jill: I don’t really smoke.
(pause)
Jack: I don’t really have an estate in Hampshire.

Amadeus

I DO get it Granty and it was good! Respect to qwerty also.

granty1

I like it qwerty.. v funny!

qwertyman

Thanks Granty - I hate to bring this up but, speaking for those of us that are pretty dim: we need some enlightenment.

granty1

The way I see it, 300 words is not long enough to construct an awful lot of plot, so to succeed in writing something entertaining with such few words its as much about the assumptions and imagination of the reader than anything else.. So essentially its as good as you think it may or may not be....!

I assumed most people would conjur up an image of some Pyscopathic Hannibal Lecter type, but the ambiguity of it all is the really cool point of these flash fiction pieces in my opinion.... It may, of course, be utter crap but thats for others to judge!!

The Backward OX

What is it with werds like psychopathic and psychedelic? Don't you study your roots?


(he's quick today)

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Olly Buckle

With werds Ox?

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The Backward OX

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qwertyman

These are things I can draw conclusions from:-

2+2=4
2+2= More that I had before.
2+2= More than you.
2+2= A cabbage.
2+2= The universe.

Th difficult one is:-

2+2=............
It's not utter crap but you should be concerned that so many readers didn't get it. I reckon ten words could fix it.

The Backward OX

Hey qwerty, this is a writers' forum. Critiques are par for the course. Critiques by definition include the critiquer's suggestions for correcting something. Why don't you just jump in and fix it for him?

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granty1

I agree, would appreciate your ten words Qwerty...