The Ohio Highwire. - Page 2 - Writers Forum

paradojas · 03-09-2008, 08:04 PM

Well said Frabes.

Sometimes metaphor and jeu de mots are lost on those who can't see outside the lines.

snorrie · 03-09-2008, 08:05 PM

Same ole truth-teller, full of empty wind, because he knows his own work is horrendous. Everyone just needs to ignore this bag of cow dung because he has no idea what he's talking about. Just the quick scan over the piece is a hundred times better than his writing. He acutally deleted the one piece which showed his skill level. Pathethic. Now that's the truth.

Brad S. · 03-09-2008, 08:05 PM

Jax,

I don't know what to say. I don't agree with ONE of your criticism. I've re-read my piece, and there isn't really anything I'd change. In the last paragraph I used the word "took" twice, and that's kind of lame.

Obviously, it's not a story with a beginning middle end lesson. Obviously. However, I still think it was clear enough to get through, still think it made sense, and still think it was well written. Telling me I come off as "writerly" (is that a made up word, or a word spelled incorrectly, or just something you found in a thesaurus..that's you, by the way) isn't really clear. I come off as writerly. okay.

Also, Frabes got it.

Don't blame me if you didn't know that Grodin hosted a CNBC show, or for finding a more descriptive word for laughter.

Your criticisms come off as sounding jealous, which is silly, because you shouldn't be, of course. It's kind of embarassing the lengths you went to in order to put down my writing.=

I can't believe you've never heard the phrase "circled the wagons." It's a common phrase.

I can't believe you've never seen "laffs" spelled with two L's. That makes me feel sad. It's a great word.

The "context" of the evening was that Grodin was wasted. You had to be there. Simple, simple concepts.

I was never trying to "sound intellectual."

For the record...A brand new reluctant jumper would be a jumper (on the side of a building...common phrase...jumper) who is newly reluctant.

Disagreeing with your juvenile criticisms isn't bitching and whining, and I doubt I come off looking evasive, as I've been very accesible during this entire discourse.

Don't bother reading my work again. It's clearly a waste of time.

Thanks.

paradojas · 03-09-2008, 08:24 PM

Whoooowaaa!

Brad's piece made me think. It contained just enuf (like that f) innuendo, subtle word play, and metaphor to keep my attention and want to read more without being over indulgent. And it didn't have any fire breathing vampires and werewolves battling it out to see who could rescue Grodin from the DTs.

omginternetlord · 03-09-2008, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad S.

Jax,

I don't know what to say. I don't agree with ONE of your criticism. I've re-read my piece, and there isn't really anything I'd change. In the last paragraph I used the word "took" twice, and that's kind of lame.

Obviously, it's not a story with a beginning middle end lesson. Obviously. However, I still think it was clear enough to get through, still think it made sense, and still think it was well written. Telling me I come off as "writerly" (is that a made up word, or a word spelled incorrectly, or just something you found in a thesaurus..that's you, by the way) isn't really clear. I come off as writerly. okay.

Also, Frabes got it.

Don't blame me if you didn't know that Grodin hosted a CNBC show, or for finding a more descriptive word for laughter.

Your criticisms come off as sounding jealous, which is silly, because you shouldn't be, of course. It's kind of embarassing the lengths you went to in order to put down my writing.=

I can't believe you've never heard the phrase "circled the wagons." It's a common phrase.

I can't believe you've never seen "laffs" spelled with two L's. That makes me feel sad. It's a great word.

The "context" of the evening was that Grodin was wasted. You had to be there. Simple, simple concepts.

I was never trying to "sound intellectual."

For the record...A brand new reluctant jumper would be a jumper (on the side of a building...common phrase...jumper) who is newly reluctant.

Disagreeing with your juvenile criticisms isn't bitching and whining, and I doubt I come off looking evasive, as I've been very accesible during this entire discourse.

Don't bother reading my work again. It's clearly a waste of time.

Thanks.

Jesus Christ you're an annoying poster.

Frabes · 03-09-2008, 09:28 PM

Annoying? Jesus Christ, you're dimwitted. The guy's just defending his story. I'd be more annoyed if he didn't argue with some of the critiques he's gotten.

Jax1108 · 03-09-2008, 09:39 PM

I don't understand some of you people. You post on here...for what? To get people to kiss your butt, lie to your face, and to argue when people tell you their real opinion?! most of these are experienced/published authors. For you to think that this peice, which most of us CANNOT UNDERSTAND (which is what we are trying to say) is gread, is the ridiculous part.

You really think that its perfect? You can't go back and change a thing? Then you don't need to be here. We are here to improve, and we give you our constructive criticizm and opinions, which I assume is what you came here for....

This indeed is getting annoying. If you can't take the criticizm, then leave, and let your mom read it. I would LOVE to tell you something positive about your work, however your general attitude to our comments so far and the fact that it CANNOT BE READ prevents that.

BTW, your arguments agaisnt me are elementary at best. "Writerly" yes, good job trying to catch me in something to make you look smarter. It is a word used on here alot, and no, it is not in the dictionary this is why I PUT IT IN QUOTATIONS!

*secretly waits for Sam or Kasey or Tiamat to post

*

writeforfun · 03-09-2008, 09:54 PM

What you've got, imo, is quirky scene described in a quirky way. Your piece presumes a lot of reader knowledge regarding characters like Grodin, Short and Pacino, so many, maybe most just won't "get it."
This makes your audience much smaller than it need be. You've got some talent, but I wouldn't get too carried away doing weird things like this, except for kicks.
Use your command of language,ideas and character to do what writing is all about -- tell a story.
thanks

kaseyisrad · 03-09-2008, 09:56 PM

HEY! I LOVE THE NAME OF THIS POST.
it says ohio.
to bad thats the only thing i love.
your story did nothing for me, i didnt get any of it.
but thats okay.
have berry and cream skittles and go on.

btw Jax when you said, 'if you cant take the critizism, dont post' it reminded me of the whole hot cooking in my kitchen song. . . now im hungry for POPTARTS!

paradojas · 03-09-2008, 11:42 PM

Jax,

I'm glad you don't understand someone who "got" Brad's piece. Obviously it wasn't meant for folks like you who are so easily annoyed. BTW, where did anyone say it was "gread" or "perfect" and are you more annoyed with someone who can't take criticism, Brad's arguments against you, or not having a Sam, Kasey, or Tiamat defend you?

Truth-Teller · 03-10-2008, 12:02 AM

Do you really want to learn, Brad?

I'm being honest here.

Here is my version of your shitty version:

Charles Grodin stepped out onto the balcony with a video camera in one hand. His yellow jumper suit snapped in the gust of high wind as he tiptoed on the ledge and stared down. The cabs and pedestrians enroute to their morning commute looked like bustling ants up here. Dawn had yet to be broken, but faint honey dew light seeped through the sycamore trees like crushed pastels. Charles rechecked his parachute--once, twice--inhaled sharply, and then, leaped off the five-hundred story apartment building in a silent whisper.

Margaret Rose heard a blood-curdling scream at approximately 5:35 eastern standard time, and looked up. She was amazed at what she saw.

Hawke · 03-10-2008, 12:03 AM

Moderator's note: Just a reminder to please keep it about the original work, folks, not about the posters. Thank you.

Frabes · 03-10-2008, 01:03 AM

Quote:

This indeed is getting annoying. If you can't take the criticizm, then leave, and let your mom read it. I would LOVE to tell you something positive about your work, however your general attitude to our comments so far and the fact that it CANNOT BE READ prevents that.

Just because you had a hard time reading it, Jax, doesn't mean it "cannot be read." It's not an easy read, no, but it's certainly not a difficult one either. Especially if you read it more than once.

This has nothing to do with taking criticism. He read your crit, rightly questioned it, and you flew off the handle. What are you really mad about? That he didn't take your "advice"? That people are disagreeing with you?

What would you have Brad, or any of us, do? Take every critique at face value? That's a ridiculous notion, especially in an open forum like this one.

It's not arguing, Jax, it's just discussion, and it's integral to any creative process. This one in particular. Don't take it so personally.

Truth-Teller · 03-10-2008, 01:07 AM

Stop encouraging shitty writing, Frabes.

Tiamat10 · 03-10-2008, 01:24 AM

Sometimes I just can't help but like Truth-Teller.

That said, I actually agree most with writeforfun up there. Why are we making such a big deal out of this one story? The piece's intended audience--namely Frabes--seems to enjoy it. The rest of us don't. We'll cry, we'll laugh, we'll hurl a few insults, and then we'll move on.

Yay.