stanza-reel

Falling in and out of his sleep, Manny glared at his clock.

5:00 P.M.

He fell in and out of conciseness, attempting to comprehend this pseudo-reality he was in.

"Oh, crap, the rave!"

He remembered he had to go to a sweet rave today. He even skipped school, and slept most of the day to get himself pumped.
This was rave-day, and it meant a great deal. A pumping, alcohol soaked rave was much more important at the moment, than anything else. He imagined the drugs, booz, and wild fun that would soon follow.

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts, they had been distracting him for nearly twenty minutes.

"Breathe"........"Wonder if they got acid there?"

He slowly exhaled. His mind was racing, and he needed to pull his shit together. He cleared all thoughts from his head. He thought of nothing. He creaked out of bed and slowly picked up a Green Day shirt. They suck he thought, but what the hell, I don't want to think of what to wear right now.

"Maybe they have coke there. Meth? I doubt it..."

Manny laughed, a sick though loomed in his head head. Maybe he would get a girl drunk enough to date rape her...

"Stop it right now!"

He had to clear his thoughts. He drank from a bottle of Listerine. It was a 7 years old, and he found it 2 weeks ago. Back in those days, the companies did not put harmful chemicals to prevent people drinking the mouth wash, and you could get pretty buzzed with a small shot.

He read that online somewhere.

"Hope they serve the incredible hulk there..."

He finished gulping, and ate a half moldy pizza. Since his drug-frenzy, (he didn't take anything, just wanted to), he stopped caring what he put in his mouth, thinking it would all turn out well in a couple of hours. Lazily, he checked for the 34th time the schedule for the rave... He had three hours. He called up Jacob. This guy hardly picked up Manny thought, why the hell do you choose him?

Well, Jacob picked up.

"Why does life always throws surprises at you?"

"Sup dude" J said.

"Nothing, just wanted to know if your free now, maybe we can chill with your PS2 man, or some crap like that".

"Naa, I'm really tired Manny, shit I have to a lot of work also, you know how Mrs. Peterson gives us thirty page reading assignments, dumb bitch".

Manny laughed. "Yeah, well whatever, it's cool dude, I'm going to a rave soon...".

Manny cut off, he forgot that he had to keep this to himself. It was his treat to himself. Be selfish and don't invite anybody... he had promised himself. J cut in:

"Rave? What are you some fag or something? Hell I know Jimmy's number, I could give it to you... I mean if you want", he broke off laughing.

"Fuck you man, I didn't actually mean that, I'm just chilling today actually. And Jim isn't gay, he is one of those metro sexual assholes".

"Hmm defending your anal lover huh? I'll tape The Notebook for you".

Manny hung up.

This was getting him roused up, and he needed to be like a calm before a storm in his condition. He decided to go for a walk. The streets where already dark, and there weren't many catholic school girls to stare at this late (5:46 P.M.) so he decided to shoplift some soda and chips.

After washing away a guilty conscience with a stolen Dr.Pepper
He checked his watch.

6:10.

Jesus, What the hell, he thought. An hour and fifty minutes? He decided to go back to his place and watched Pulp Fiction for an hour, then listened to the entire Evil Empire CD.

....."Quit it NOW!".....

The CD looped, and Manny knew it was rave time.

Ok, I revised the format a bit. Should be easier to read.

spooky buk

In my personal opinion, there are a few reasons to do a big block of text like that; A few. If you don't have a special artistic reason to do it, don't. Keep it cleaner, i guess is what i mean. I felt like stop reading in the third line or so, because there was just too much text together. If you don't want to create a claustrophobic impact, for example - or any other of the few reasons i talked about - separate paragraphs. Shape the reading experience with your hands and the symbols in the keyboard.

I just wrote too many things together, but i'm just babbling - i'm not writing a short story. You were really just throwing daily facts around. It's nice to read about it, but breaking a text block is difficult. I can go down a stream with daily facts, but to climb a mountain motivated by the things you were saying got a little hard.

Your text seems to be very nice-going to read, but the format it is in now makes it tiresome. But maybe this is just me, though. Anyway, keep on writing

stanza-reel

Wow, that is some nice criticism. Thanks man, I'll try to change it around based on what you said. Please provide more feedback

stanza-reel

I guess my message will eventually be how teens don't worry too much about consequences and have their dumber half over rule their thoughts. Manny is a character that is true to life, as one of my friends is very exited about taking drugs, although he hasn't taken any. He's even a good student, but still jabbers on about booz and such.