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Writer
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Both New York and New Jersey
Gender: Female
Posts: 26
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For Fun - The Horse of My Dreams
Here's a fun piece
WW45
I double clicked, and looked up at my computer monitor. With two sleep deprived, emerald green eyes, I read the following information off the Double B-Gist Buy Me web-site.
"Looking for the horse for your dreams?" the computer screen drawled "Whether you are a seasoned Equestrian, Horse Racing enthusiast, beginning rider or just interested in finding out more about horses and the various breeds available, this is the place to look."
I proceeded to view horses of every sort, with gitty-up glee. By this time, my now bloodshot eyes were glazed over with delight, watching as the picture of my dream horse began to download. Yawning, I cupped my chin and grinned in anticipation of my possible on-line purchase ... Bubba s Bounty ... a big and beautiful bay stallion, stared right into my now half closed eyes and begged, "Come on honey - dust off yer credit card and gist buy me!"
Well, Mr. Sandman finally took over, sprinkled a little magical alfalfa over my head and Visa card, and I nodded off into dreamland. I've had the same dream ever since I was five years old - the age that all little girls want their first horse.
As I ran across my perfectly manicured 100-acre equestrian estate, and into the heated tack room of my 15-stall horse barn, both shock and surprise met me. All of my horses were gone! No Thoroughbreds, no Appaloosas, no Paints or Palominos. Just 15 empty stalls staring back at me.
This had never happened to me before - my dreams were always perfectly orchestrated - and always dependable. I get the farm, I get the land, and I get the horse - and that's the way the dream goes!
What's going on around here? I wondered out loud, placing an agitated hand on my 18-year-old hip, and tipped my black Stetson hat back to get a better look at the situation. I sauntered around the impeccably clean barn floor, in my perfect size five jeans, suede shirt and Justin, lizard trimmed, cowboy boots - looking quite the cowboy princess - and waited for an answer.
I shouted "WHAT S UP!??" to the empty barn, and arched an eyebrow in utter disgust, feeling betrayed and expecting far better from my own dreams.
Well, I must tell you what happened next still has my knees a knocking. The wind began to blow, the barn doors began to knock, and the hay began to whirl. I was thrown to the floor and when the dust settled, I heard a deep voice whiney, "Darlin you ain't in Kansas anymore!" I picked my now beat-up hat off the ground and glared up at the most ugly, hag of a horse I had ever laid eyes upon in my life. It winked at me, wiggled its saggy back, and spoke.
"I'm Elmer, the horse of reality - and I m all you could EVER afford with your credit card limit! If you really want a horse, its time we had a talk!"
I stood up and looked around. I was standing smack dab, in the middle of a two-stall broken down horse stable, that hadn't been cleaned in weeks. It was cold, there was no running water, and the tack room was non-existent. The stench sent me reeling.
I looked down at the ground and noticed that my scuffed up work boots were covered in what was causing most of the stench.
Then Elmer began to chuckle. "I've been sent here to let you in on some of the finer points of horse ownership - let's get started."
I placed a hand on my now 36-year-old hip, and brushed off the long legs of my size-anything-but-5 jeans. Elmer, the horse of reality, looked me over and grinned, "Get over it lady - you were never the cowboy princess type anyway - this is reality! Now grab that pitch fork and clean out my stall."
After grunting and groaning for the next hour, I finally finished and was covered from head to toe in manure and dust. Elmer, the horse of reality, then led me off to the paddock. "Well, go ahead - git on," it taunted.
I seethed at the beauty-deprived beast, then reluctantly climbed up into its shabby saddle, kicked it in its side, and shouted "OK, lets go!".
Elmer then impishly lurched forward, throwing me one way and his back shoe the other.
"Hmmm," it whinnied. "Now it looks like yer gonna need a Farrier."
"What the heck is that?" I grumbled - not liking this dream at all - and kicked the dust on the ground.
"I need a new shoe, and it's gonna cost you." Elmer grinned.
Just then a brand new, four door, fully loaded, air conditioned, white 4x4 pick up truck pulled in, blaring Frank Sinatra tunes no less, and a young blonde woman hopped out.
"Who the heck are you?" I questioned. "Why I'm the Farrier," she replied, buffing the dust off her expensive lizard skin boots. I glared back at the horse as if to say, HEY! Why does she get to look like the cowboy princess? But before I could ask, the young blonde woman motioned to me. "Come now - I don t have all day - and MY time is YOUR money ..... well, where's the shoe?!!" she inquired, with an outstretched hand.
I walked over toward the woman, crossed my arms and lowered the brim on my dusty black hat. "The shoe is in this stinkin field somewhere - don't you bring new shoes with you?" I grumbled.
"Why yes, I do," She smiled sarcastically while opening the hatch to her 8 foot bed, "Just let me sift through these 50 different sizes and styles of shoes back here, and grab my gold plated Farrier tools and I'll be right with you.
I rolled my eyes as I watched the woman grab a shoe, pick up her tools and walk over to me. "I have the right size, but it'll cost ya. I'll need a deposit of $5000, then if your're lucky, I'll be back to shoe your horse next week."
I shook my head, swearing to myself that I had heard that line somewhere before, and threw up my hands in despair. "You win!" I replied, then handed a check over to the grinning young blonde, and glared miserably at Elmer.
I finally woke up with a jolt, angrily shut off my computer, and swore off any future possibilities of ever buying a horse - for the moment at least.
The blonde Farrier, on the other hand, just rolled over, snuggled deeper under her quilt, and smiled.
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