BrianDJeffers

This isn't real long, maybe 3 pages on word, and it does contain vulgar language. I tried to use a certain dialect, so excuse some of the spelling. There are reasons for the way it is written, almost down to all the details, but i'd love any feedback on how to improve it.



I've known Nino for quite a while, probly a good year and a half. His sister and mine were good friends and both decided to drag us to church with them and make us good friends too. I guess they thought that if we met, and we are cool, then we would think church was cool, and go all the time. Well, we met alright, and we did share something... a hatred of being in church.

Well we all went out to eat after the bunk service at Tumbleweed. Of course everyone got queso, but instead of the church ice tea, we got a couple of Coronas. Out sisters were a bit disappointed, but hey we got a friend out of it.


Now the Cardinals were rockin' that year in football and basketball, so all of the 'Ville was real happy. There was even talk us of moving out of the shit Conference USA and into the bad ass Big East. So we were always down on Bardstown road 'cause half the bars had the 'Cards and half had jammin' bands.

One time when we were out at some club on 4th street, I think it was Club Cheetah, Nino picked us up some girls. I always hated 4th street 'cause you had to park fuckin' 50 miles away and it was a bitch to walk. It wasn't too much of a drag I guess since all the finest girls went out that way. Nino always had no trouble finding them either. He wasn't really that hot or that smooth.. he just wasn't afraid to talk to them, wasn't scared of getting shut down. I was, lol, so I was happy to tag along and pick off whatever he didn't snag.

Anyway these girls were smokin' hot and Asian too. He starts smooth talkin' them and was like, yo wanna roll outta here? So we left and went back to my place and started talking and laughing and throwin' down some more shots.

Well it didn't take him long to decide which one he wanted. I think he spotter her from the time we went in there. I could see himself kinda mentally pumping himself up as we got some beers and scoped it out. So here we are, in my crib, with him and his girl, and me and the two other ones. It kinda sucked, because I knew that they knew I was gonna pick one of them, and neither of them wanted to be the loser.. so I just picked both and got no digits.


A few months later, Nino is still talkin' to the same girl, which surprised the shit outta me. In fact, they were startin to get pretty serious.

I could see it in his eyes more then anything. The eyes always tell me more then anything else. You can fake words and actions, it is the raw emotions in the eyes that tell what you really mean. Nino's were shinin' like I've never seen. He might try to play it off, try to be cool, but his eyes gave him away. The bitch was in love.

There was sumptin else in his eyes too.. sumptin harder to define. It was like the bright light just couldn't hit this one spot.. like a dull spot in the sheen. I doubt anyone else would have noticed, but I did. It was tricky and would vanish if you looked at it straight, but it was there. It was doubt.

I knew what it was about too. We had talked about it once before in kinda a drunk confessional while smoking pot on my roof. He told me he didn't think he was able to love, that he was empty inside, and that no one would ever love him. I didn't know what to say to that, so I kept my mouth shut. We weren't close on some deep shit like that At the time. But it made sense I guess. I guess it explained why he ran so through so many women, like he was hopin' one of them might spark sumptin in him, be more then just a puss.

There was something else though. I think he was starting to rethink all that, and I think he was mostly convinced that it was love. Maybe he had doubts, like one of those too good to be true things. But there was sumptin I knew he couldn't ignore. The looks her friends gave him. I guess its ok to go get a piece of white ass, but you sure as hell better not date one. They thought is was sick. Some of them were ok with it, some of them said nothing, but some made her and him feel like shit. And she couldn't tell her parent either. They would have a fucking cow.


"Dude I have a problem," he says to me as if to confirm my suspicions I told him to spill it.

"See, my girl thinks her parents will never accept us. That the second they find out, its over, no matter how in love we may be. They see me as just a white ass hole, not as a person. Her friends, some of them anyway, have ignored her, straight up left her, because of me. Her shit is all falling apart because of me. I am the one that has to be confident, its her world that is torn, not mine. I don't care what color she is and if her beliefs are different. I think they are neat. But her friends assume I can never understand and won't give me a chance. Fuck dude, I know more about their shit then most of them! Yet everyday I tell her it will be ok, that it will all work out and I love her. She is the only one, well her and like two others, that see how hard I work and how nice I am. They met me when I was a drunk ass hole and they never looked back, never saw ME. Yea, maybe I was in a bar lookin' for ass, but that doesn't define me as a person! But its like, they are hurting her and I feel like a dick, 'cause its because I'm in her life. My confidence is the glue holdin' all this shit together, but sometimes, I feel like maybe I should let her go.. like maybe her life would be a little better, a little less pain, if I let her move on to an Asian dude. But we love each other bro, and I don't lose, I don't quit. My confidence is shaken because a part of me knows I cause her pain, and a part of me knows that it may not work out because we are different and people won't understand. But I stand up straight, I don't let her see me like this, because I can't. I have to be the one to hold it all up. Sometimes.. its hard to smile at her, but I always do."

Wow, I had no idea. I know that sometimes I've made fun of people for being different. It never was real to me.. like they didn't have a face. Nino just put a face to my shame. I never realized there was so much lack of understanding. I mean I guess people just tolerate others, but always go home to their own.

But what do I say to him? How can I, a regular dude answer some deep shit that has probly been around forever and a day?

Just hang in there I tell him.

I can see the change in him. Like he used to be such a prick, I mean it was funny, but dam if he wasn't an ass to people. I guess it takes something big to happen to you to open your eyes to what you are doing and fix it. I would hate to be in his shoes, but I can see his feet have gotten a bit bigger.

Sometimes I catch him reading up on their customs and and culture. He trys to hide it like I walked in on him watchin porn with his pants down. He likes to keep up a big front. Maybe the old me would have called him a bitch for it. But maybe he has affected me more then I realize. Once or twice I heard him practicing that kung foo shit in his room. I shouldn't call it that. Last year that would have been funny; this year it would get me hit.

What I really notice though, is the dullness in his eyes. The brighter they get, the darker that spot seems to be, as if the more he works, the more he has to lose, and he knows it. But I've never seen him work so hard. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, not that it is wrong to be gay, I mean I used to think it was gross and all, but dam it Nino.. anyway, I'm not gay, but sometimes I wish I could just hug him and take some of it away.


Some months later, I think they'd been together close to two years or so, they started to want to be married. It was time for them to spring it on the parents. I guess its kinda a lot to tell them out of no where, but they wanted to be sure of their own intentions before they had to deal with that shit. And I don't blame them.

I saw him as he was leavin' to go meet them. I asked how long of a trip it was and all the other bull shit that you ask at that time. He gave me all the bull shit answers I expected. Finally I asked him if he was ready. He looked off for a bit thinkin'. His eyes finally came back to mine and he smiled.

"Yea," he said, "everything is going to work out."

As he turned to walk out the door I saw something in him I haven't seen in a long time.

His eyes were completely bright.