SevenWritez

I'm guessing you've never met Ned or Snorrie.

Anyways, you should use yourself as a character. You're much more entertaining than your story, but that's only because of your self-proclaimed greatness (and I'm not lying--stick with yourself and you'd write some funny stuff. Look at Tucker Max). The story itself was dull. Your structure and punctuation is fine, but as someone else already noted, there's not much here to show any flare or sparkle. Then again, maybe the story becomes awesome at the end--I quit reading halfway through then started laughing when I read the following comments. So, I guess this did deliver...sort of.

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jacobworld

its ok needs a bit of ... I dont know??? funny but not too funny

Danny77

I dabble mostly in the fiction section. Ever been there? Well if you don't agree with my statement, then you haven't. Here, let me give you a brief little compilation of 90% of the posts in that section all slapped together in one horrible, uncreative 100 word piece:


"The Orcs are coming!" exclaimed Glorfindall.

"What will we do now?" said InstertLameNameLikeDoxOrSomething.

"Bar the gates!" exlaimed Glorfindall.

"But why are the Orcs after us?" said InstertLameNameLikeDoxOrSomething.

The sun raged in the sky like some lame analogy, totally inappropriate to interrupt this deep conversation. "Didn't you know, they want to loot or plunder, or they really just hate us for being Blue Elves. Or some really intricate plot like that, I can't remember," exclaimed Glorfindall.

"Oh," said InstertLameNameLikeDoxOrSomething. "So we're pretty much doomed right until the last second, when Gan Gan comes riding on a red horse that's original because it's red?"

"No," exclaimed Glorfindall, wearing a blue neck tie. That's what made him a blue elf. "The blind seer's prophesy spoke of no such thing."

"Rats. He could really help us out, because he's a wise old wizard and knows a powerful magic, but he doesn't overuse it like other bad wizards, except that time when he was really irked about his wife throwing the divorce papers at him."

"Yeah," exclaimed Glorfindall. "I'm sure he's doing something rather important like writing a totally original novel about a vampire."

"Theres nothing unique about that."

"Yes there is!" exclaimed Glorfindall. "It's about a woman vampire! Anyway, you ever wonder what's going on in the background?"

"No, I'm too ignorant too look over my shoulder and describe it to you. You'll just have to assume that were manning some sort of castle."

"I guess we're all pretty much screwed then," exclaimed Glordindall.

"I don't know about you, but I sure could go for some dwarf sized comic relief right about now," said InstertLameNameLikeDoxOrSomething.

Glorfindall then pulled down his pants.



There you go. Fiction section accurately summarized.

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The Salad Bar Game

qwertyman

'Need help with my new weapons system.'

rumpole40k

O.K. Danny, your last post did make me laugh!! - It's a hell of a lot better than the original.

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A humble wolf with dreams of being on a stamp, releasing an autobiography, having a film made showing his daily struggles, having a world wide fan club... - Code Red

"Doing? You're doing what ANY sane man in your appalling circumstances would do. You're going mad." - The Killing Joke.