TinyMachines

America indoctrinates its children with the word "freedom," so as a young man I was always trying to get out from under my parents' dominion. At eighteen, recently freed from my family, I decided to get out from corporate rule. I supported local businesses, cultivated my own garden, and made my own clothes. As I entered my thirties, I sought to free myself from the government. I saved up some money and took a ship to Borneo, where I lived in the rain forest. I built my own shelter, and enjoyed an undocumented life. In my fifties (or so I estimate) I started feeling trapped in my own body. Thinking how I had freed myself from everything else, I knew I had to overcome this obstacle too. I created a pyre from the remains of my hut, making sure to symbolically burn the shelter and the shackles it represented. Soon after I let the embers flare, I realized that my quest only freed me from my sanity. Complete freedom is

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My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit

"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig

Suzip

For the most part my freedom is that of my search of finding a way to escape my own mental prison, wanting and needing to leave my insecurities aside. But then there was a time when my freedom meant escaping a bad marriage and ensuring the freedom of my baby son. His freedom was all that mattered, his freedom and ensuring his father didn't destroy the wonderful personality that was growing inside. Thankfully I did the right thing and he grew up safe and incredible personality intact.

cellardoor

i can't really critique this as a story, but as a thought or as the beginning of a story it's grade A

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If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.

cowboyclown

Wow… right out of the starting gate and I find a short story questioning the very things I enjoy pondering. Was a great little story, very succinct, clever, and amusing.

Your story is a perfect example of why I like a short story…

I will read at forums a spell before I begin posting , but when I do you will notice an immediate difference in our style… Where you capture the essence of a short I tend to be wordy, flowery… and tend to constantly run on… In a sellers market your style wins hands down… but alas with time perhaps I will learn how better to practice your methods…

Freedom… does make one think doesn’t it? “Freedoms just another word for nothing left to loose”, thank you Mommas and The Pappas… or was it that rather strange Jean Sartre fellow? cbc

TinyMachines

thanks! I may shore up some areas a little bit, but it ends like that on purpose.

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My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit

"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig

Industrial

"Short Stories, usually 500-2000 words."

I like the messages as well as the mood and story of the piece. Your writing seems somewhat stiff to me though. Some of the sentences also come out as awkward.

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That's just more ammo for my arsenal.

TinyMachines

that's probably because I usually write poetry, and my prose turns to shit most of the time. this started out as a poem. I need to work on some stuff.
any specific suggestions?

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My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit

"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig