Field walking crazy talking - Writers Forum

SadLuckDame · 01-21-2008, 01:02 AM

Writing this sober, not under the influence right now, ha! But thought it could be enjoyable for some and not at all for others. I'm hoping to get some critiques, if a few can spare some time and comments for me. Again, keep in mind I'm new but please be honest so I can learn.
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You see I know I had my day that I figured it all out, or at least it was shown to me. We were having a good time, and I remember I brought my bible with me, careful not to step on it by my feet, watchful with it. The music was good, it played to my mood, everything flows to my mood, I notice these things. Weird you may think but I'm going to tell you how I know this.

Friends were everywhere, we knew each other and it was like family. A festival with flowers in hair, bells around dirty ankles,patchwork clothing. I was walking to find friends, familiar faces in the crowd, to embrace them. The van door was wide open, tea was brewing on a stove inside, a little camping stove and there was honey for the tea, I liked having mine with honey no sugar. When I had a few shrooms or three or four I pictured rabbit holes, rainbows and tall hats.

But it wasn't that way this time, instead I had spaghetti dinner from the van with friends and it felt strange, like a tomato sponge in my mouth, it wanted to soak up all my moisture, sponge- then it slid down my throat like it was alive and wiggling down, choking on it, all tomato and moving and spongy. When I had to walk away I went to the center of the field, the middle of it all, everything was going on. Music was there but I couldn't tell you what was playing, what they were singing. Everything turned to a blue hue, very vivid, and so much glow like an aura all over, and people seemed to show what they were made of in their cores, down deep. So and So took me for a walk, he knew I was in a misty forest of wackos, but he was a wacko too, when I looked at him he was such a bug, or a reptile, alien~ish and then I knew he wasn't much like me, when you see these things in people then you know whether you are similar or not, so it frightened me enough that I had to go off alone.

When walking through the field this overwhelming feeling of it all coming to an end that night was in my thoughts. I knew I was going to die yet I was pretty peaceful with this idea, it felt right like everything had happened as it should have and now was the end of the story for me. Stumbling around to find a safe place to lay down, curl up and wait to sleep, never to wake I remembered first I needed to find my Bible, which was in the car, and to find the car wasn't the easiest to do. Frantic searches all around, so many other cars and where was mine in all this mess, finally I found it. Once I had it, my bible and found the tent, climbing into my little hole and bed to let it all stop, read some verses, then many verses, I felt a drift, slipping lazily away.

Things started to scare me, people I cared for and loved much began to fade away in my mind, each one I would stop and think of them, remember their smile, their warm hug and words of theirs, then they would mist away to have never even existed, as if I had dreamed each of them up during my life, and what a fantastic dreamer I really was since they were so real, so creative I must have been to get all of the details of them so beautiful, so perfect, they were perfect and now I knew how I had dreamed them, now they were gone, one after another fading, which was all ok until it came to loved ones I was so attached to, I remember when she faded away, I was so sad to see her leave because I was really happy to have her in my life, in my reach, and then when even my amazing little boy who was my entire being, my complete joy and happiness in all of the world became the dream I just lost it, I couldn't handle him ever only a dream of mine, he was my everything ever, I cried so deep down inside I shook, and trembled, gasping for breath, my heart was torture inside me, my little boy. I knew all his features so well, his brown eyes with a thing yellow line around each brown, which was like a wild animal, and his cork screw curly locks that I let grow long to his shoulders, and a wide grin that made me melt and want to spoil him with anything. I knew his laugh, his grumpy 9 am mood, and he faded away from me right there, no matter how I bawled and tears came tumbling down he still became a dream to, my best dream.

By the end of it nothing was left, all was just faded away but it had not even existed, my body, my air, heart beat, noise, anything you could touch or taste was gone, wasn't even true, nothing had existed and all that was left of me was my soul which was the only real thing anyway, was the only thing I had ever really had, all else never even was, now faded and gone. My soul floated there, it was sad, and troubled, was in trouble.
Now God and Satan had a battle over me, Satan pointed out all of my horrible things, how I messed it all up, and how he should have me because of it, but God told him I was his, and how he loved me, my mistakes, my good deeds, it didn't matter to him for he just knew me and loved me because of it. He made Satan go far from me so I could stay safe and comforted in his arms, he soothed me, healed and made me all whole again. Then he had a little talk with me, and he decided I could have all those loved people, things, my little boy! I could have them all back and I could try to just do better, and one by one they came back to me that night, like a gift! O blessed gifts! and as I felt thrill and joy with each important person in my life back to me, wonderfully into my memory.

I remember how I started to see outside the tent, how a candle was glowing right there, by the flap, and there was two guy friends peeping in at me, they were laying on their sides, looking in and playing a tune on their guitars, trying to get me to wake, to open my eyes, and come back out of that rabbit hole to them, to friends who loved me. And I'll never forget my happiness for my lil boy, for friends, for family, for flowers and trees, music and my lovely God who fought for me cause he knew me. Now everyone will have their own thing, but this one was just mine, and I just wanted you to see.