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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 01-17-2008, 02:01 PM   #1
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Quick teaser...

Submitted for your approval: Here is a quick scene.



“I’ve heard it before.”

“Maybe, but this time it’s real.”

McCord peered through tight eyes at the man across the table. He had a natural ability to use his eyes as a tool and see through almost any false fronts people could muster. This one felt wrong, but he seemed sincere.

“I’ll tell you what. If you can bring me half of it tonight, we can talk about arrangements for the rest.”

“Thanks, Evan. I promise I’ll have it for you.” Sheepishly, Doug sipped at the large, red plastic cup in front of him, all the while keeping a quiet eye on the bald man across from him. He hated groveling like this, but he had no choice. Ten thousand dollars was a lot of money that he didn’t have.

Evan McCord rose from the table and the enormity of Doug’s problem took clear and terrifying shape in the form of the handle of Evan’s favorite tool of persuasion. Like a child hiding behind the long skirt of his mother, the gun secured in a shoulder holster seemed to be hugging McCord’s muscle-laden ribcage and looking out through the open jacket. The .45 revolver seemed old-fashioned, but its ability to convey immediate seriousness was unmatched. Many of the sleek, new 9mm handguns lack the visual intimidation of the old-West style revolver.

“Thanks for lunch, Doug,” he said, sliding the check to the other side of the table. “I’ll see you at Mickey’s at 7:30. I’ll be in the back booth. Don’t be late.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there and you won’t be disappointed.”

As McCord ambled out the front door of the otherwise quiet Mexican restaurant, Doug looked at his watch. “1:20. That doesn’t leave me much time,” he thought. He quickly settled up with the waiter and got moving.
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Old 01-22-2008, 11:21 PM   #2
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Its not too bad for a teaser, thats if it heads anywhere and there's more to come. If you enjoy that scene, which I did, you want to know more.
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Old 01-23-2008, 02:53 AM   #3
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Hmm...

Was interesting, in the why you want to know what happens next.

I really did not understand where the story was even vaguely going, but for a teaser, it got me hooked.

Here's to hoping theres more to come.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:30 AM   #4
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Cool little snippet but I'm hoping there already is more to this.

Because what you've done here is the easy part. No plot, no direction. Just one simple scene where unknown people do things for unknown reasons.

On the bright side, the writing itself flowed well and the grammar seemed tight.
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