Internet - Writers Forum

Maggie123 · 12-18-2007, 01:18 PM

Here I am, lying in my hospital bed, the sun is shining upon my plate with tomato soup, the birds on the Christmas tree are singing with a J. Leno`s voice. "Keep the bed, get a good rest" wishes from all my enemies are written on the bandage around my right leg. My senior secretary is sitting in an armchair, writing down every single word I`m saying.

***

There are not many things I`m good at, but sleeping is definately one of them. Never remember how exactly I`m falling into Morpheus` gentle arms, but in the end there`s always someone to wake me up screaming "The meeting starts in 15 minutes, we`ll be late". It`s even more embarassing to hear "The meeting ended 15 minutes ago and half of the people spent it with earplugs". Obviously there is someone else who`s also sleeping, because I swear, I may have all the mortal sins on this earth, but I don`t snore.

Since 2 weeks ,though, I haven`t been able to sleep "normally". Walking like a ghost every night around the house, dressed in my daughter`s indian sari, is certainly not my idea of peace and cerenity. I`m even awake at every single meeting of the company, which is disgraceful, absolutely scandalous and ruining my reputation, since I`m the boss. Even the political talkshows don`t seem boring enough to make me nap.

Yet, I clearly realize the reason for my insomnia. It`s called internet. Normally, I`m not like those nerds, glued to the computer, who can`t do without googling their day. In the morning they open a couple of Windows, take a breath of fresh air, eXPeriment quickly with a toast and two boiled eggs, say "Asta la VISTA" to their families and then go to the office. No. I have other hobbies - football and chips. But since I`ve started this online game, I simply can`t stop. It`s with a ball, you have to make it jump in the air till it overcomes all the obstacles on the way. And another one with a penguin you`re throwing as further as possible with the help of seagulls. Unfortunately there`s always someone to challenge you and make more points. In my case, these are 18 988 people out of 18 989. And the online slotmachines? Wow, that`s heaven. I can play three of them at the same time and still win. But only when I do it for fun. Otherwise I lose. A lot. And then I`m not welcome home.
It`s also about Warcraft, and Counterstrike, and Starwars, and Battlefield.It`s about poker online. Puzzles, makeovers, labyrinths. I can even design my own boxer shorts and then blow them in the air with a Kalashnikov.
I can`t take it anymore. Really. I`m an addict.

I ask my son whether that`s normal. The kid is 7, but quite smart for his age. "Yes", he says " mummy allowes me to play 7 hours, so now I`m in the middle of my 6th hour, please don`t disturb me, otherwise I`ll eat all your chips" He only skips that it`s 7 hours per week, not per day.
Then I ask my daughter. She is 14, but looks 17. "Yes", she says, "I`m already 5 hours infront of the MSN and I`m still not fed up with it"
I also have to ask my wife. She is ..., but looks 30. /Love you too dear. Kiss/ "Well, darling", she smiles, " I`m doing everything online - shopping, reading, ordering flowers. " She doesn`t have to tell me that. She`s even cleaning online, since the house looks so messy lately.
I don`t have to ask anything my mum. She`s 70, can hardly see, but has an ICQ account. To keep in touch with God. Who in her case is in the human body of the widowed neighbour next door.

So I`ve firmly decided to save my family. I can`t leave them agonizing under the dictatorship of a blue screen. Of course I expect everyone to be angry, but I`m a martyr, I won`t give up in my war against the machines.

Thus I went home yesterday and threw all 8 computers away. I did this with the same joy Miss Lewinsky experinced upon unwrapping a lolly. In less than 5 minutes all the family gathered in the living room, called my own security, and the bodyguards threw me out of my own house.
I had nothing to do but go back to the office. On my way there I saw a street beggar, sitting on the ground, playing with something. I gave him 5 dollars. Generous of me indeed. But then I noticed what the gadget in his hands was. A part of an old keyboard. My blood started to boil. Not here, not once again. I took the piece out of his hand and smashed it on the ground. But the guy got mad, and when he stood up, I regretted messing up with him. He grabbed my collar, lifted me up in the air and pushed me hard against a metal fence.

***

I `m in the hospital now, with a broken leg, eating my soup. I`m listening to the Christmas songs and dictating a leter of complaint to my secretary. Bill Gates, Larry Page & co, if you`re reading this, be prepared. My laywers are on the way.

Mirror · 12-18-2007, 01:48 PM

I certainly like the idea.
I do, however, have a problem with inconsistencies in tense. Some of the shifts are quite abrupt. For instance:

Since 2 weeks though, everything has changed. My nightmare becomes true.

Also, some sentences seem self-conscious:
There are not many things I`m good at, but sleeping is definately (btw, it's definitely) one of them.

I may have all the mortal sins on this earth, but I don`t snore.

Others are fillers:

To make the long story short ....

Next - I understand that the use of sentence fragments is a stylistic choice, yet I can't help but feel that some of them would produce a more culminating effect if incorporated.

Nits:

Obviously there is someone else also sleeping, because I sware
swear

Also, why abbreviate 'Christmas' to X-mas?

*

Upstairs, downstairs, to the fridge, to the liquor bar, to the Playboy mansion /unfortunatly virtually/ (what's with the slashes? This type of 'syntax' gives me a feeling of carelessness in writing - not in the negative sense - more of a jagged spontaneity.)

Maggie123 · 12-18-2007, 02:42 PM

Thanks a lot Mirror.
Your remarks are very useful for me. I will try to do my best while re-editing the story.