"Through The Times" is my third - Writers Forum

invisible337 · 12-18-2007, 03:28 AM

ThroughTheTimes

It was a windy and scorcher day . “Hamza” “the king” was riding his horse in front of his army encouraging them . When the time came in , Hamza shouted with his loudest voice “Charge” . But of course this wasn’t the events’ beginning , so , let’s go back through the time to then .
The events of our story happened in a kingdom called “Freedom” . Freedom Kingdom was ruled by a computer scientist was named “Hamza” . Hamza achieved many technological developments . As a result , the economic side was high . In that time the world peace existed . Freedom Kingdom made one mistake by ignoring the military side . This mistake was enough to be occupied by aliens . Because of the weak army , the kingdom went down in a few hours . Through the times , the colonizers methods have never changed which are clear in lies and unfulfilled promises .
Resistance was a natural reaction in order to get rid of the occupation . It wasn’t strong enough to defeat the occupation because it was separated squads . But at least it could cause the enemy some damage .
Far away from the kingdom . The sky shined suddenly for three seconds . After that there was a young man wearing strange clothes drawn at it lighting sword and a “T” , standing there , staring at the sky . Then he headed towards the kingdom . When approached he clicked a small button on his strange suit . The suit change into simple cloth similar to that people wear in Freedom kingdom . Then he continued his way into the kingdom .
Hamza lived in a poor neighborhood , suffering from occupation’s injustice and hard-living . One night , Hamza heard knocks on his door . He said “who is it” . The answer was other knocks on the door . He opened the door to find the young man saluting him and asking him to come in .
- The young man : can I come in ?
- Hamza : please do (Hamza led him to the living room)
- Hamza : a cup of tea ?
- The young man : sure
- Hamza : just a minute (he left for few minutes and return with two cups of tea)
- Hamza : here you are (he gave him a cup)
- The young man : thanks (he had a sip)
- (they sat silently looking at each other for a few minutes)
- Hamza : who are you ?
- The young man : my name is Saif Al Nasr , I came to you to take back our freedom .
- Hamza : you came to the wrong man
- Saif Al Nasr : you’re the king
- Hamza : I was
- Saif Al Nasr :ridiculous , you still , it is your kingdom and they are your people (he indicated to the people out side through the window)
- Hamza : you’re right , but , what can I do ?
- Saif Al Nasr : you can do a lot , I’ll help you to meet resistance’s squads . you must league them in one squad , you must preside the resistance , you have to free your people and your kingdom because it’s your duty , because you’re the king .
S aif Al Nasr & Hamza leagued the resistance . They became stronger and stronger whereas the occupation weakened and weakened .
The Final battle attended . The resistance against the occupation . Freedom’s people against the aliens . The good against the evil . Hamza was in the first row . He didn’t find words to encourage his people but one word . He said it with his loudest voice “Freedom” . The victory was for Freedom kingdom .
There , where Saif Al Nasr appeared . Hamza was standing with him .
- Hamza : all this time I didn’t ask who really you are .
- Saif Al Nasr : this is not important . The important thing is that you’ve learnt the lesson . you must care about the military side because nobody knows what will happen tomorrow . Don’t ever submit . And remember that freedom is the most precious thing in the world . you must pay your blood to have it
- Hamza : thanks , thanks a lot
They checked hand . Then Saif Al Nasr clicked that button on his clothes and sky shined . Hamza closed his eye and he heard Saif Al Nasr saying “Don’t forget , you must always be ready , nobody knows what will happen next . You must accept your reality , you must accept your destiny
Hamza opened his eyes but he found himself in the meeting room . He said to himself “was all of it just a dream ?”
After that Hamza developed the army and began to care about the military side as well as he cares about the technological and economic ones . The question is still in Hamza’s head “who really is Saif Al Nasr ? does he actually exist ?” .
In another place Saif Al Nasr was talking to an old man
- Saif Al Nasr : You called me sir ?
- The old man : there is a new mission for you , be ready tomorrow to travel through the times
- Saif Al Nasr : I’ll be sir

The End

By Asim Al Sayed Saif Al Nasr

atmyexpense · 12-18-2007, 03:40 AM

“Hamza” “the king” was riding his horse in front of his army encouraging them .

Why is his name and title in quotes? Why is there a space before every period and comma? and why is your story in a weird font?

atmyexpense · 12-18-2007, 03:42 AM

Your dialogue is also oddly formatted. Is there a reason why you're formatting the dialogue like that?