Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-17-2007, 11:31 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Seattle, Washington State, USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Robert M. Blevins
'Addiction'

The three officers opened the outer airlock door leading to the house. They waited for the standard green light to flash, and then removed their oxygen helmets before knocking.

A blonde woman with thin hair opened the inner door. She pointed to the bedroom. “He’s been locked in there for ten days! He won’t go to work. We haven’t any credits remaining, and there’s no more food in the house. You have to do something!”

“Nature Channel?” asked an officer.

“What the hell do you think?” The scraggly woman turned away and screamed at the bedroom. “It’s the police, Eugene! Now you’re in for it!”

“Stand aside, ma’am.”

The police kicked down the door as if it were made of balsa and dragged Eugene Daniels from the bedroom. He was unshaven and bleary-eyed.

His wife pushed her way past everyone and shut off the television with an angry blow, nearly breaking it. A picture of green fields and a river slowly faded to black.

While two of the officers held Daniels firmly, the third forced an oxygen helmet over his head and led him outside.

There was not a trace of green anywhere. The sky was a pale yellow, with crumbling buildings that stretched for miles and air thick with the smell of acid and slow death.

The End
Robert M. Blevins is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2007, 09:07 AM   #2
Ink Slinger
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,676
Chris Miller is an unknown quantity at this point
Great piece of "sci-fi" flash. Prophetic. Dark.

Oddly, the "blonde" adjective threw me. Seems superfluous and made it harder to tag her as the "scragly" woman later.

But still a very nice little snippet.
__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html
Chris Miller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2007, 12:17 PM   #3
Adept Writer
 
adrianhayter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New Mexico
Gender: Male
Posts: 856
adrianhayter is on a distinguished road
Nice piece-

Chris is right about the blonde hair.

I would like to see the woman's attention, temporarily held by the TV images-almost as if they're hypnotic.

Good work

Adrian
__________________
My Blog

...and still, two years later, he continues to write aimlessly with no apparent purpose in mind.
adrianhayter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2007, 01:50 PM   #4
Scribe
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 69
witioni is an unknown quantity at this point
Of course you're from Seattle! Nice short.
witioni is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:34 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers