“Steee-ep right up ladies and gentlemen! Toss a ball in a bucket and wiiiin biiiiig! We have something for everyone, stuffed animals, electric toasters, even a remote controlled car, people! Wouldn't that be nice for the kids? Come one, come all, I'm telling you it's easy peezy, easy as can beezy!” The tall slender man with the top hat and the fancy coat kept yelling at the passing crowd.

One young man stepped up and plopped two dollars on the counter. The top hat man quit yelling a moment, snatched the two dollars and gave the young man six balls. The young man grinned at the passersby and then at the tall man with the top hat. He tossed three balls one right after the other and missed all three. The young man hissed but said nothing, trying to maintain his cool.

He tossed the fourth one in a looming arc but it fell on the lip of the bucket and bounced back towards the counter. The fifth ball was tossed and went to far, hitting one of the stuffed animals and bouncing to the floor where it rolled to some unseen location. The sixth ball finally made it into the bucket but bounced right out and onto the floor.

“Hey! That went in,” the young man said.

“Has to stay in, friend. Those are the rules! Step right up folks, toss a ball in a bucket and win something special for the kiddies! It's easy peezy, easy as can beezy! Give it a shot, mister what do you say?”

The young man frowned, cursed under his breath and turned away from the counter. Several other people approached and the tall man with the top hat took their money and gave them balls to toss into the bucket. He went on shouting his routine message for about the millionth time that evening. Shortly afterwards the young man came back with a security guard and started yelling something of his own.

“It's easy peezy, easy--”

“To miss! That game is rigged I tell you! There's butter or something bouncy on the bottom of the bucket so if you get it in it still bounces out! Don't let this guy con you from your money!”

“Hey kid shut up,” someone yelled.

“Yeah, what's the big idea,” the top hat man asked.

The security guard looked bored next to the young man but the young man was persistant.

“I want everyone here to know you're running a sham!”

“Hey kid, shut up, you're making me look bad here and besides, there isn't anything wrong at all with my operation, it's one hundred percent legit!”

“Mason, would you check it out?”

“Kid, I told you...I've already done the rounds and checked all the booths including this one and there's nothing fishy about it,” the security guard said.

“But...”

“Fine,” Mason said. He went behind the counter and rolled his eyes at the newly formed audience. The man in the top-hat was somewhat happy with all this because he was gaining an audience he didn't have before...too bad the spin was negative.

Mason looked inside the barrel and felt it with his hand but nothing was unusual. Obviously the kid was just having a bad run of luck with the game. He thought to himself, and not for the first time this evening, that he didn't get paid well enough to be bothered with this kind of bullshit. He wondered when the real action was going to come along. But, at least for now (if not for much else of his time) he actually felt like he was earning his money's worth.

“Nothing there kiddo, sorry everyone please enjoy the carnival,” Mason said. He walked away. The young man, who was now being referred to as 'kid' grew a deep red face and disappeared back into the foot traffic of the carnival.

“That's right, step right up, prepare for the challenge of the night! You heard the security man, it's not a rigged game, just a straight shot to your little goody or present for a loved one. It's EASY PEEZY, EASY as CAN BEEZY!”

An old lady, paunchy in a cute kind of way and with far too much makeup underneath her grandma-style glasses came toddling up, plopped a five dollar bill on the counter and waited for the man to supply her with the ammo. He gave her two sets of six balls and waited for her to leave quickly. Something about her gave him the willies.

She tossed two at a time and both went into the bucket and stayed put. The top hat man's heart skipped a beat but he didn't let it show.

“OH missus it's your lucky night! You got TWO in, and if you get them all in I'll give you my...” but he couldn't think...a dozen in the barrel was unthinkable based on the way he had it rigged, and it already seemed unlikely that she had gotten two of them in even though she just had right in front of his face. A small crowd gathered behind her as she threw another two in without them bouncing out.

“You'll give me what, sonny-Jim?”

How did she know my name, he thought. He gave her his most winning smile and thought quickly.

“Why, if you get all dozen of them in THAT barrel, lady I'll give you my tickets for my annual cruise to the Bahamas!” There, he knew it couldn't be done. His vacation was set and this night would come to an end. He was a little worried at the prospect of the old bat getting all the balls in and then being forced to keep to his word in front of the growing crowd. What would his wife say about this? He wanted to retract his offer but knew he couldn't.

She threw another two at a time, in a high arc this time and they went straight in. That made six balls. He gulped spittle down his throat, and noticed rather distantly that he had begun to perspire.

“Bahamas here I come,” the old lady shouted.

She took up the seventh ball in her hand, not holding her usual two. She looked at it a while and then at the man in the top hat. He'd forgotten about his easy peezy lines to draw a crowd. The crowd was plenty big enough now.

“What do you think, everyone? Can I get this one in?” She had turned to look at her audience now. Everyone clapped and some cheered. She turned and looked at the man in the top hat. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach now. She turned back and looked at the crowd and with a seeming casualness tossed the ball over her shoulder without looking.

The man in the top hat smiled...there was no way... But the ball hit the lip of the bucket this time instead of going straight in as the other pairs of balls had done. It seemed to teeter for an instant but ended up in the bucket with the other balls she'd landed.

By now the young man had come back, asking what was going on and finding out that, incredibly, what appeared to be a seventy or eighty year old lady with nearly blue hair and magnifying lenses for glasses was making every shot, and this last one without even looking.

She turned and picked up the eight and the ninth together. She rose her hand as high above her five foot body as she could get it and flicked her wrist. The balls went in to the bucket and stayed there. Everyone cheered, including the young man. It was an odd sort of vindication for him, seeing that if it wasn't rigged, then at least the annoying man in the top hat could in fact be bested at his own rig.

The man in the top hat was now sweating profusely. If someone there had x-ray vision they would have been able to see the sweat stains on his light blue shirt underneath his long coat. His face was cringed with what now appeared to be inevitability.

The old woman paused to apply some gloss to her apparently chapped lips, as if this were some minor ceremony to the ball and bucket gods above that ensured her victory.

She picked up the tenth and eleventh ball and stuck her hand out to one of the pretty women to her side.

“Kiss these dear, I desperately need a vacation,” she said. The pretty young woman did as asked, without hesitation. Some people in the crowd grimaced. The man in the top hat wanted to scream, to shout that the jig was up, that everyone should go home, or at least let someone else play the game. But he knew there would be revolt if he said anything.

The old lady made the motion and both balls fell in the bucket, and the crowd erupted in delightful and victorious shouts. It was grandmother's night to be sure.

“Give it all you got, granny, go to the Bahamas,” someone from the crowd shouted. A whistle blew from the crowd, and though no one noticed who made that noise it was Mason, the security guard.

Suddenly it seemed like everyone attending the carnival was there for the twelfth ball toss.

It might as well be a televised event, the man in the tall hat thought. He couldn't believe what was happening. He patted the inside pocket of his jacket reassuring himself that the tickets were there, and they were.

“This is the twelfth ball everyone,” the old lady said. Her voice carried light and smooth without her needing to shout.

She's a witch, the man in the top hat thought.

This time the old woman kissed the ball herself, apparently ready to be out of the lime light when this was over. She tossed the ball with a mild grunt and watched it go into the bucket. Applause and more shouts and whistles ran through the crowd at the final triumph and then died down. The old lady had a thin, knowing smile on her face.

The man in the top hat was beside himself. He dug out the tickets and was already coming up with excuses for not having them to his wife. But there was something he had to know.

He went over to the old lady, with tickets in his hands and a false smile on his face. The people were murmuring to themselves after the initial eruption of noise and most were moving away from the scene. It had somehow lost its appeal.

The young man laughed as he walked away, he wished he had a camera so he could have posted the video up on youtube.

“How did you do that,” the man in the top hat said.

“Jim, you wouldn't believe me if I told you,” she said.

“How do you know my name?”

“It's on your lapel, dummy,” she said. He looked down nervously and saw his name tag prominently displayed and wanted to smack his forehead but refrained.

“Right...well, here you go lady,” he said. She looked at the tickets and then snatched them up.

“You thought I'd be a nice old bag and say, 'oh sweetie just keep them' didn't you?”

“I was hoping...”

“Let that be a lesson to you! Never try to cheat an old lady out of a trip to the Bahamas,” she said. She started laughing wildly and wandered away. Some of the people were creeped out by her raucous laughter and gave her a wide birth.

The man in the top hat cursed and spun on his heals. It would take him another year to save up money for another cruise and now he had to think of some amazing story to tell his wife...one she would actually believe.