Bryuko

Yo.

Bryuko

This is an exerpt from a short story I wrote. Originally I had block paragraphs with four spaces in between each one. I read somewhere that editors frown on this practice. It seemed more effective to me though, since the story switches back and forth from past to present. Each paragraph thus was meant to be a mini-scene. Any feedback or critique on this dillemna or regarding the writing style would be appreciated.

adrianhayter

Editors will not even attempt to read this format. You've got to have space.

Adrian

Cervantes

You have something here. By "civil war," do you mean the American Civil War (1861 - 1865)? If so, feel free to PM me, and I'll give ya some info.

Typically, it is wise to keep your story in "one person" - first or third. Unless you have multiple characters all in 1st-Person, which is fine; use it throughout: don't try to jump back and forth between 1st & 3rd. It will confuse your readers.

Nice start. I'd like to read more. =D>

Bryuko

Bryuko

I had space but the space was eliminated when I posted it to the forum (This is my 1st time posting here).

Originally I had a break between each paragraph with no indentation. I liked it that way. But I don't know if editors will.

snorrie

There's something about the voice in this piece. I think of Ben Stein when I read it or better yet, Squidward from Sponge Bob(LOL) I like it though. I'd say to add more color to it but then you would ruin the cool voice. Oh well, keep plugging away.

Bryuko

Haha. Yeah, I see what you mean. This piece is meant to be stark and gloomy and so that's what I was going for regarding voice. I was listening to Nirvana's Something in the Way when I wrote it.

RyeCatcher24

I liked this story very much. I definitely see the Squidward connection, but it's very cool.

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