'I love you' - Writers Forum

Firebird · 10-25-2007, 05:37 PM

At first it was difficult to say the words ‘I love you’. But eventually he said them, and they were like a beautiful rare flower to her. But then he said them to much and they became like falling leaves. After this, there was a long period of silence. But then he started to say them again, when he heard her mother was dying of cancer. And to her the words were like the forgotten flowers - yet, now, too dry and brittle to move.

writingpro · 10-25-2007, 06:10 PM

I think it's beautiful.
Just add "o" for the "to" on second raw:
"But then he said them to(o) much".

Is it a poem or a part of a short story?

Voodoo · 10-27-2007, 01:47 PM

It's obviously not a poem.

Firebird, I've been impressed at your ability to write emotive pieces that are very short, but this seems like the tacky gimmick of a church newsletter.

drovers-sunrise · 10-27-2007, 05:38 PM

Awsomeness at its best

The world 'love' gets thrown around so easily these days - not just by men, but by women too. I think your piece has captured that message very well. I like your reference to the flowers and leaves.