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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 10-22-2007, 07:07 PM   #1
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Tender Memories and You

Only one year ago, Bobby and Melissa were just on the brink of a better life together. He remembered how they hugged tenderly on summer nights, her warmth radiating onto his skin. In the cold of winter, they’d spend time in the local coffee shop enjoying one another’s company. They would often go on trips together, whether it was camping or a simple walk in the park. The world was their place to explore, and it seemed nothing would bring them apart. Memories of the many adventures they shared brought a smile to Bobby’s face. Still, one memory eclipsed all the numerous others, which brought tears into his eyes.
The two had been driving home one night in November after a concert in a town a couple miles away over the mountains. Laughing and singing together they recapped the night’s events, but Bobby didn’t seem himself that night and Melissa knew it. She didn’t know quite what was wrong with him, but what bothered Bobby was something that would bring all the Earth’s joy to her heart. Waiting at home was a small, gold ring, nothing that would catch the eye of a regular passer-by but this ring signified something stronger than appearance for the young couple. How it would go over was affected Bobby in a strange manner.
This thought stuck in his mind, Bobby overlooked the large truck on the wrong side of the road coming over the hill. When he finally did comprehend the problem, it was far too late. The careening vehicle smashed the passenger side of their vehicle, literally tearing the car down the middle. Bobby’s head struck the steering wheel and blacked out. He woke up three days later from a mild coma, asking where Melissa was. Answered by sad, quick glances to the floor was all Bobby needed to know.
He wept as hard now as he did that day in the hospital. Placing violets, Melissa’s favorite flower, by the gravestone his eyes turned red. The brisk fall wind whipped his bitter face, the tears adding to his discomfort. His hands in his jacket pockets, he mulled over the chunk of rock deep in depressed thought. For sometime he stood there taking punishment from the wind, then turned around and headed back to his car. He didn’t happen to hear the soft rustling coming from the dirt at the foot of the grave.
Walking at a slow pace, Bobby noticed a short man shuffling amongst the graves in the distance. He would not have paid any mind to him except for the fact that the man seemed to aimlessly wander with his head fixed upon the sky. Slightly perturbed, Bobby changed direction to go and inquire what business the man had here in the cemetery. As he got nearer, Bobby’s footsteps crunching in the grass grabbed the distracted attention of the man.
“Excuse me sir, but what are you doing here?” asked Bobby, expecting an immediate answer. Instead, the man stumbled slowly toward him, empty eyes suddenly giving full attention to Bobby, “I’m gonna have to ask you again sir, why the hell are you here?” asked Bobby with more authority this time. Once again the man uttered no noise but just continued to advance in Bobby’s direction. A cold hand then suddenly dropped on to his shoulder with a thump.
Spinning around, Bobby was shocked to see Melissa with the same dead-eyed expression standing there. Skin hung from her lip, she was covered with soot from the ground, and she gave off a low moan. Recoiling Bobby backed right into the arms of the other man. Promptly, the man sank his teeth directly into Bobby’s shoulder, tearing off muscle with it. Melissa fell on him and tore at his stomach. Coughing blood, Bobby collapsed to the ground as Melissa and the man continued to mangle his body.
His eyes flickered open and studied the environment blankly. Looking about lazily, he saw that he lay on the ground and observed nothing else. Slowly pulling himself up, he got on his legs. One of his feet was missing, a bloody stump in its place. A moan rose from his throat and he felt a cold hand drop on his shoulder. Turning around with effort, he met a woman with skin hanging from her lip, covered with the soot of the ground. She curled her lips and purred softly. The two limped back to the hole and lay down.

Last edited by ValianceInEnd : 10-22-2007 at 07:17 PM.
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Old 10-22-2007, 07:18 PM   #2
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Sorry about the strange ending, but I love zombies. Hope the ending doesn't piss anyone off. I meant for the story to not appear for what it really was until the very end. It's sick, and somewhat twisted I know, but look at it farther than that. Tell me what ya think. ^-^

Last edited by ValianceInEnd : 10-23-2007 at 09:17 PM.
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Old 10-24-2007, 05:33 AM   #3
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...I wasn't expecting that....But I liked it! It remembers me one episode of "Amazing Stories", do you remember that show?

These are the kind of stories that keep you thinking about them for a while,.... specially when you could visualize perfectly every moment

Cheers!
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Old 10-24-2007, 10:00 AM   #4
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It was okay. It wasn't creepy enough for me to totally be successful as a zombie story. Things went far too fast and there wasn't enough information surrounding the existence of these zombies.

It's like Oh she died--that's sad. Oh he got torn apart--okay..I don't really care.
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Old 10-24-2007, 05:33 PM   #5
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Thanks a bunch chewie! Glad ya liked it.
And I would agree with ya Cinder and smoke that I didn't make it super creepy, but it was something I just felt like writing one afternoon. Just a passing idea amongst many.
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Old 10-24-2007, 06:46 PM   #6
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I think the reunited in undeath thing is a nice idea (does that make me sound creepy? probably). But you could execute it a bit differently. I think one of the problems why it's hard to engage with might be that you try and cover a lot of ground in quite a short time - so there's no time to adjust between the normality/gore/cute ending, if you see what I mean.

Not that I think you should make it any longer though - just more focused maybe.
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Old 10-24-2007, 08:54 PM   #7
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Don't worry, it's totally creepy to think its cute but I don't mind. I do see what ya mean about focus though. Probably could expand on it a bit cuz I understand how it moves too quickly. Thanks for the insight there! =D
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