ValianceInEnd

Here's a lil story I wrote up one night. It's a bit grim for most people's tastes I personally think, but you tell me what ya think.



It tore Dave’s girlfriend apart in front of his own eyes. The massive and horrible wolf viciously ripped at the crimson mass he had once known as Katherine. Flesh oozed and popped under the force of the beast’s fantastic jaws. Blood sprayed and found rest upon the wolf’s coat as it glistened grimly in the moonlight. And all the while as this horrifying scene unfolded before Dave, all he could think was, “Thank God she stopped screaming.”
Raising its head, the wolf suddenly focused intently on Dave. Hellfire burned within the bright yet very cold eyes trapped in its skull. From within the creature’s throat was emitted a deep, rumbling growl which pumped fear into every vein of his body. All the sounds of the forest night seemed to be missing; it was just the wolf and Dave.
Without warning, without even giving hint of movement, the wolf lunged with a supernatural speed, ready to spill blood. Dave turned, nearly slid, in the opposite direction as he attempted to find a foothold in the slick mud. Within the single second the wolf had begun to charge the distance and closed in by almost half. Fueled by this newfound fear, he ran as if he was possessed and nothing mattered in this world but how fast his feet would carry him. At one time in his life, Dave had actually been considered slow, but now he was a madman as the hellhound gave chase for it focused in on Dave’s destruction.
Low hanging branches whipped his face as he ran through the brush. His lungs burned with a fiery exhaustion, growing tired with every minute. Behind him the beast cackled, enjoying this sadistic game of cat and mouse. His legs were beginning to give in and he knew it wasn’t much longer before he’d feel the iron grip of those ugly teeth, yet he continued with all his might. Why he didn’t just give up and accept that there was no hope could only be described as instinct. Giving up was not something the brain could easily do, and here this instinct worked in full throttle.
Suddenly he felt himself crash to the ground, falling amongst a complicated web of roots. His foot had been snagged by a small and insignificant root, just perfectly small enough to catch the edge of his foot. Frantically he scrambled under the roots seeing it as his only chance for cover in this desperate situation. The entire tree shook as the great mass of the wolf collided with the roots Dave hid under. Clawing and snapping, the wolf attempted to get at him furiously as he dragged himself helplessly on the dirty ground. Hearing the roots start to snap behind him told Dave that the wolf almost was through the flimsy wood and that he must get out of there now.
His hand felt the ground at the end of the labyrinth of the tree, he was almost out, but he realized just then that he was too late. Immense pain shot up his leg. The wolf had gotten just enough space to bite his left leg. Feeling his bone snap, he howled as the wolf shook Dave’s limp leg like a rag doll. Each tooth crunched not only his bone but the muscle surrounding it causing blood to spill in copious amounts from each wound. He kicked its head with all his strength using his good leg several times, but not one blow would change the creature’s grip. Looking around frantically he grabbed a rock which he used to bash the scalp of the wolf, receiving a satisfying thud and the release of his leg.
Charging from the trap of roots, he left the wolf behind. Dave did not take the time to relax though for he knew the wolf would regain its senses and free itself of the roots as well. He limped at an impressive speed, praying to God that something may come in his way to help him. His prayers seemed to be answered.
An older man with a bald head sat at a campfire ten yards away. The older gentleman’s hands were in his pockets and he sat absorbed by the fire smoking a pipe. Dave’s eyes widened with delight at the sight of another human being and began to shout.
“Sir! Please, help me for the love of God sir! Something is trying to kill me!” screamed Dave with all his remaining energy. The older man’s head snapped up from the fire and he stared for some time at Dave. “Please sir, help me,” begged Dave again, slightly falling to the ground, “I’m in grave danger…”
The older gentleman stood up and ran over to where Dave lay. Dave struggled to stand up, and was about to speak when the older man struck him unexpectedly. The blow was an inhuman strike to Dave’s face, causing his neck to turn to far to the right. He heard his neck bone snap and tasted blood enter his mouth. Crumpling to the ground, his vision went black and his soul left the earth.
Bending down, the older man tore off a piece of Dave’s neck and began to lap at his fresh blood with vigor. At that moment, the wolf came careening into the camp and halted a few feet away. The older man shot up a snarl at the wolf, revealing an entire mouth of sharp rows of teeth. The wolf understood the message clearly. My kill. Turning away, the wolf ran back into the forest leaving the older man with his dinner.

Story

Interesting and violent

I would rework the beginning. If you start with Thank God she stopped screaming.” It will set the tone very well.

The chase is good, and the "insignificant root" is very well done. Some sentences were a little unclear, and I had to read them twice.
^ this one was a little hard to read, but I like where you are going with it. Just a minor touch to make it flow together would be nice.

ValianceInEnd

Hmm, thanks a bunch for the help. Now that I reread it with what you told me I see what you mean. But I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ^-^