Lost.In.Sorrow

The auto-obituaries
By Jeremy Honaker

The nights hot as hell, and im sitting in a lousy room in a lousy part of town. I don’t take my eyes off of that door, finding a box of matches to light up a cigarette isn’t worth dying over. Maybe I’m over thinking the situation, maybe these guys aren’t as tough as everyone says they are; about the time that I had finished thinking that the door started spittin’ bullets at me. One of ‘em gets me in the neck, gives a strong sting, but im alright, I can take a few more if I need to. I don’t waste anytime, im out the window and on the fire escape, meanwhile they’re still unloading their clips into my wall.

Steady, don’t get nervous....its gotta be perfect, gotta be right between the eyes....
The door swings open and in comes two pricks, dressed like they’re going to a funeral, and they very well may be. Ones carrying a shotgun, gives me some chills, the others gotta nice little glock with a silencer, and when I see it I feel pretty lucky it was that gun that put this bullet in my neck.

I don’t see a lot, im tryin’ to stay quiet, cant move a lot, but I can hear ‘em plundering through the room, kicking whatever grabs their fancy, even hear that silencer go off a few times. They don’t see a body, and if they were anything but professionals they might have just walked out, but not these guys, no they’re a class act. They’re so perfect, the way they move, walk, shoot, everything, makes me feel like for the first time in a long time that I might not make it out of this thing alive.

Doesn’t bother me, my debts were bound to catch up with me eventually, and this ways a lot easier than payin’ ‘em.

Wait....why don’t I hear ‘em anym.. Im stopped by a bullet to the back, right in my spine. This time the stings a little stronger, but im still ok, I can take a few more. Im already turned around throwin bullets left and right at this guy, but he’s calm, collective, hes damn near standin’ still and my shots aint even touchin’ em.
“BOOM” That shot gun screams, shattering glass all over my face. Here comes the other prick, climbing out the new door he just made through the window. I don’t pay any attention, by this time im dead, and maybe im even glad of it, so I just keep shooting. I see one snag his hip before I close my eyes, waiting to die.

Its all dark, I don’t wanna see the rest, I just keep squeezing that trigger, im pulling with every ounce of anything that’s left in this old body.

I hear the mess, and feel it too, shots are hitting me left and right, I even feel that shotgun take out a chunk of my leg, and all I can think is im gonna miss that . I feel blood splattering all over my face, but I cant feel to much pain, just some sharp stings. figured they’d have me done by now, but they just keep letting me have it. I keep telling myself “don’t stop pulling that trigger old man, you got some more fight left in you,” but I finally notice I aint got no arms to keep on pulling with.

The noise stops, and all I can feel is my blood makin a puddle around me. I hear those two idiots walk away, back into the room and down the hall. Pricks, thats just sloppy, leaving me around and not checking to see if im dead....I open my eyes, cant say I want to, but who knows, maybe its not so bad.

I could throw up if my stomach wasn’t shot to pieces. There’s blood everywhere, and it just keeps coming. I cant find my arms, and that shotgun did a number on my leg and my chest. I just sit there waitin’ to die, till seconds turn to minutes, and I hear those pricks get in their car and drive away. Then minutes turn into hours, and suddenly I realize I just might make it. It don’t take me long to say “the hell with this.” I kind of slither my way to the edge of the fire escape and look down onto the pavement thats staring back at me a good twenty stories away. I take as deep a breath as I can roll myself off the edge.

As im flying through the air I almost halfway regret doin’ it, but there’s no point in complaining now....just sit back and enjoy the ride, its all over now.

Story

First: I like this. It was surprising to me that he didn't find a way out of it. If Sin City was what you were going for, I think you nailed it.

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..it was that gun that put... the double "that" is hard to read.

How about somethig like ..this gun that...

SevenWritez

So you were going for a Sin City theme? If that's the case, you did exceptionally well. Your tone fit in perfectly with any of the characters from that movie (I've never read the comic so I can't make any comparisons there), and I really liked the apathetic calm you gave him while facing his demise. Nice job.

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Lost.In.Sorrow

I got suspended for this story at school yesterday.....i hate people.

Frabes

That is so ignorant, it's infuriating.

Next time write a story about a puppy finding a rainbow. Might get made fun of, but you'll sure as shit be in school to hear it.

I'm gonna go punch a baby and kick a kitten into a woodchipper.

You have my sympathy, my friend.

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A Kind of Truth

Lost.In.Sorrow

Thanks....im talking to lawers....

lin

That really sucks, man. Fuck the lawyers: call a reporter.

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SevenWritez

Fuck a reporter, write a story about a kid kicking his prinicpal's face in (make sure to make witty allusions to your own school, as well). The only way to defend a story is to kick the prosecutor's ass with another one. Oh, and you work on your craft whilst doing it. Win-win.

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NedRyerson

I liked it. Definetly reminds me of Sin City, probobly a little too much. Some lines sounded way toooooo much like the movie (for example "don’t stop pulling that trigger old man, you got some more fight left in you,”... Bruce Willis says something just like at some point, doesn't he?) I do really like that movie though.

So good job with the writing and the story, it was well told. Sucks about getting suspended, I can't really see any reason that would make sense. Don't get discouraged though, keep writing what it is you like.

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Story

Argh.

When did we lose the ability to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I bet the person who suspended you went home and watched an episode of CSI (easily the most revolting and violent show I have ever watched).

Hold fast, you won't be in school forever.

lin

I think you should just go gutshoot those school assholes.

Call Michael Moore first.

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ValianceInEnd

As everyone before says, this story screams Sin City. Very much a Frank Miller style. I'd like to see more stuff in the same league as this.

lin

Yeah, I don't see that sounding like Miller is a big problem. There are probably niches for non-pictorial stories of that kind.

I'd just call it Autobituaries, by the way.

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Lost.In.Sorrow

Im going to do a set of storries, ive got about 15 planned out, to do as in one book and self publish it, which would make since seeing its called the autobituarie'S