Arkalem

Snorrie,

Seriously man. Chill out. This site isn't about breaking people down and convincing them to put down the pen. It's about ENCOURAGING writers. Your judgement could easily be turned right back around onto your own work, which I've noticed in my surfing have recieved just as much (and just as superfluous) sacharine.

Please, focus on the positive, help with the negative, and stop being so bloody crude.

Mermaid on the breakwater

Would that classify as blunt enough for you? Or perhaps you would prefer to be treated with a little more decorum. Sorry, but I have no time for people like you. You didn't offer any decent criticism, you just called her rubbish. I think the idea here was for the piece to be heavily imbued with metaphor, so ok, it's not your cup of tea and I wouldn't deny improvements could be made. But I am not bitter enough to say that it's crap and judge another's work in such a pathetic manner. To mimmick her writing style and blow it out of all proportion is just sad. In doing so, you're taking the piss, my son.

snorrie

You're funny, Mermaid. I like you.

snorrie

You too, Arkalem. You're both cute.

SevenWritez

Wow.

Arklaem, Mermaid, this is a "writing forum," so a good majority of the people here might want to...I don't know...let me find the right phrasing for this...learn how to fucking improve themselves as writers.

What's with this "we're meant to ENCOURAGE writers," bullshit? Do you blow people for a living or is that just a part time hobby of yours, too?

The original writer of this piece needed the criticism, it was delivered in harsh manner, but ended on a light-hearted note. Do you want a critic to pat you on the back so that you continue to make the same mistakes, or do you want them to be honest? Snorrie is a highly talented writer, read some of his work, and you'll see his criticism is on the mark.

I'm sorry for being rude, and I most likely wouldn't have stepped in, but that whole "WE MUST ENCOURAGE WRITERS AND NOT BE RUDE!" shit sent me crawling up the wall like Spider-Man on cocaine.

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Elysia19

Okay Guys,

Yes this is a writing forum, yes its meant for critisism. But the way Snorrie presented his was demeaning. As a writer you HAVE to have backbone, but that does not give others the right to ridicule your work. Yes, infact Seven, it is meant to encourage writing, and the way that he had origionally presented his critique did not in any way enourage the author to post again. Had it been said in a more gentle manner, or perhaps worded with some maturity it would've been completely acceptable. Just because this forum is meant for critiques does not mean that the authors are all up to the caliber that an experienced author is when it comes to blocking out bad feedback.

Encouragement does not mean that you tell them their work is good when it is not. It is presenting your critism in a way that encourages them to try again and not repeat the same mistake. Snorrie is a very talented writer, i agree, but that does not mean he was right in his innitial response.

In this case, all that was needed was a simple appology and rewording.

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SevenWritez

I would agree with you, save for the part where he said "I'm sorry," in his second post and then explained himself. Had the outer arguments came before then I would have just enjoyed the argument, but since they came afterwords, I had to comment. But you're right, and you didn't toss in any subtle insults while preaching about being kind (another thing that sent me skittering). Anywho, I'm done. I'm here to read, not to point fingers.

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penforhire

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

Your trying too hard, girl. Stop trying so hard. Writing is a natural process.

One book about writing I love (the only book beside's On writing by S King) is "The Tao of Writing"

it describes writing as being natural like flowing water. Just let it come out and dont try to make it eloquent or pretty it up or make it good even.

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Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

penforhire

Snorrie... your my hero! Marry me! (When you get older)

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Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

snorrie

The funny thing is, it was meant as humorous to being with as you will see in my next comment. I apologized and murdershewrote understood right off. If I wanted to be mean, I wouldn't have held back. I would have just said she's a worthless piece of !@#$. But at the same time it was a waking up in a lighthearted way. If you'll also notice, I said that the piece would be strong without all the metaphors, so I was complimenting her. Give me a break. People today are so worried about hurting one another's feelings. If everyone's mother wouldn't lie to them when they were younger, none of us would be so offened by the truth. The truth. The truth. The truth. Let me say it again. The truth.

cinder and smoke

Guys shut up and get back to the piece

This was dense. So absolutely dense. Prune the text a bit and you might have something here. Otherwise it is just an obnoxious read.

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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath

Truth-Teller

MurderSheWrote, that is fabulous.

The fact that you're writing metaphors and similes in your piece reveals alot about your dedication to your story. You take the time to think and write--not just write, like Mrs. Snorrie.

But don't get too overzealous now; what she said has some merit. There are many ways to improve your writing. Your similes need to flow, and help bring a clearer picture about what you're trying to convey--not just dangle like grandmother's earing. For instance, here is what I would've done:

“You make me sick,” she said. "Just looking at you gives me the boils." Jesse's black mascara had already dried up like pancake syrup, and left thin rivulets of motor-oil on her chin. She wiped at it with trembling hands. Canola tears smeared across her cheeks in bloody grafts. Mucous bubbled in and out of one nostril.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?" She screamed. "Our son went under, you fucking asshole--our son went under!!

The lawn mower howled and spat, smoke billowing out of its engine in thick noxious smoke. Something smelled like burnt flesh. Denny kicked it, and sneered. "Son of a bitch," he said, grinning.

Fossy

God I wish my writing could evoke such passion - good or bad.

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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.

murdershewrote2005

Thanks guys. I'm going back for an edit as soon as I get time.


Ta,

Jess

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"If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~Winnie the Pooh~

www.literarymary.com

Queen of Wands

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