Dana_Johnson

An assignment for my Speech 2 class last year. We had to write about a life-changing experience, so I wrote about a dog bite, Enjoy!




Puppy Dogs…Cute, Cuddly, Friendly, Obedient…in most cases, these adorable little creatures can be Man’s Best Friend. But if you cross them, they can become your nemesis in an instant. That cute furry little face goes from “oh so cute” to…a rabid beast staring into your soul with the fires of Hades burning in its eyes, doing whatever it must to protect its lustrous bone or heaping pile of soggy doggy food.

Great caution must be taken into account while dealing with these hellish creatures, for you never know when one might turn on you. Study your enemy, watch his every move, write down his daily schedule and routine, this will help you scuffle about your domain with a decent chance of survival.

I learned this valuable life lesson when I was just 2 years old…I may have scars to show for it, but they serve as a just reminder that…no matter how cute and cuddly something may seem…it can always…always…be transformed into a rabid beast yearning to devour your flesh.

So there I was, sitting upon the sofa watching my daily dose of that ultra-entertaining purple dinosaur when my smelling device, perched between my “Chubby wittle cheeks”, caught whiff of an enticing scent, luring my infantile mind into its elaborate trap that was…fresh dog food.

I plopped onto the shag carpet and struggled to my feet. With courage filling my chest and a chin held high, I staggered across the lime green terrain and suddenly…my eyes caught sight of a betraying rattle, cleverly placed in my path by my nemesis…who obviously thought he could hinder my will to obtain the dog food.

A shake or two was tempting, but I would not raise a white flag to the opposition so easily. He would have to do better than that. I finished my journey across the god forsaken waste-land that was the living room. I emerged into the bedroom more of a man than I had been when I began trekking to my supply depot, I was battered and bruised.

I had overcome great obstacles and temptations. Obstacles such as the footrest of Yore, temptations such as that devilish blue rattle, and many other trials I dare not utter here, for I have cursed their very existence.

After entering my hidden lair beneath the hide-away-bed, I looked upon my cache of weapons and assorted gadgets. I took up my weapon of choice…a rubber doggy bone. Sure it was fake, but the engineers at Tuffies Dog Toy’s did a marvelous job on texturing…it looked so…non-life-like, so succulent and moist, so tasty and white.

The marrow seemed to have a look of yearning on its face, a yearning for a saliva soaked muzzle…the K-9 couldn’t resist such a treat, and I possessed 2 of them. I then grabbed plastic switch-blade, a piece of Bazooka-Joe bubble gum which I couldn’t quite chew yet, and a small plastic mirror.


I loaded up my gear and set out on my quest to obtain the elegant mush. Setting out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, I came across a slippery tile floor…needless to say I lost my footing and became completely horizontal. I took the pain and rose to my feet.

I took out my Tuffies dog bone and James-Bonded it across the wall. I came to the end of the wall and peered around the corner to finally gaze upon the dish. Sure enough the vile fiend Teddy had already gotten to it and was slobbering his slobbery slobber all over the prize. I had to act quickly.

I took my Tuffies ammo and cocked back my arm, ONE, TWO, THREE, FIRE!!! I let the bone fly across the room, it landed just short of the creature’s hind-quarters. “Rats!” I shouted, the dogs head lifted and its ears perked…I was careful not to make another sound as Teddy would locate my location in an instant…he had bought upgrades for his hearing and smelling senses off of E-bay and often used them to his advantage.

He discarded the sound and went back to slobbering upon my future dish. I took up my second round, cocked back my arm again and FIRED!!! It flew out of my hand, straight and true, the parabola was flawless, a perfect trajectory, it was sure to land next to the dogs snout and take his attention off the food.

Unfortunately…There was a vase in the way of its flight…it hit the vase which rocked back and forth, toying on the edge of destruction which was the kitchen table. It steadied its footing as sweat rolled off my brow. I was out of ammo, and the dog kept on eating…I had to do something, something drastic. I took a deep breath, set my eyes on my opponent’s belly, and charged.

I ran up behind him and firmly wrapped my arms around his back and onto his stomach while yelling, “I wuv yooo Teddee!!” This was when it happened…all in less than a second he stopped eating, called forth demons from the depths of hell and possessed himself.

He turned around in a flash and sunk his slippery fangs into my face, I recalled my head immediately and loosened my grip upon his waist. Shock overcame me…I was overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety and defeat. My face felt numb, endorphins were pouring out of my brain and into my blood stream, helping to quell the pain which had not yet surfaced.

I hung my head and stammered off the battlefield toward the lavatory to heal my wounds. As I walked across the kitchen I left a bloody trail across the ivory white tile. I reached the lavatory and climbed onto the hand washing device to view my wounds in the mirror for the first time.

As I examined my torn flesh my seasoned Captain Sandra came into the kitchen and stumbled upon my blood trail, she followed as a blood hound follows a scent trail, only to find me staring blanking in the mirror, my cheeks dripping with crimson liquid.

She radioed to headquarters and called in medical support. I was expecting Corporal Derek R. Johnson to come to my aide, but the word made it straight to the General…we all called him Daddy. He grabbed me off the sink and ran me to the transportation vehicle.

We drove as fast as we could all the way to the med-tent. All I can remember from there on out is a bright light, needle and thread, and the taste of rubber gloves swirling about in my mouth.

The 11 stitches helped to heal my wounds, and I am now left with 2 subtle scars that constantly remind me…Though cute and cuddly, soft and bubbly, creatures of the deep come in all shapes and sizes, so be careful when you encounter these beasts, and never sneak up behind them.

snorrie

I don't know about the voice in this piece. It's kind of confusing. It's very purple prose in some points, but I guess it could be from a child's viewpoint. But then the sentences are too complicated for a child's skill level. It was a fun read though. Enjoyed the story.

Dana_Johnson

Thank you for taking time to read and comment.

Have you ever seen the show "Family Guy" on Cartoon Network? If so, the infant with a large vocabulary in this story is similar to Stewy.

Like I said, this was for Speech 2 class...so I had to present this as a speech, so without being able to see me act this out, the narrative may have been a bit confusing, so I see what you mean.

But once again, thanks for taking time to read.

Take care,
Dana