Once Bitten
She was so different.
Never met anyone like her before.
Never will again.
This is gonna sound so so stupid, but I fell in love with her the moment I set eyes on her. That very moment.
She was nineteen then. I was twenty seven.
She could have had any man at that party. And she knew it.
That night she chose me.
I drove her home.
“This is where I invite you in for coffee, isn’t it??” she asked.
Said so innocently, but there was no innocence about it.
Fifteeen months we were, how should I put it, together.
Together in my eyes anyway.
She was the one for me, the one I always wanted – but I knew the feeling wasn’t mutual.
You see, it wasn’t me she wanted. There was this one guy – the only guy in the world she couldn’t have, and because she couldn’t have him, she wanted him all the more.
So I was the stand in.
But that was enough for me. Then.
I was the one who had her. Not him.
But he was the one who really had her.
She got him eventually. He left his wife for her.
That was when I got shown the door.
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to take.
I was completely screwed.
One hell of a mess.
I got away for a while. Lived with a friend in the States.
Anyone else would have been too embarrassed. Not her.
She sent me a text.
“I need you.”
Three guesses what I did.
Jumped on a plane.
He’d gone back to his wife. The first reserve was back off the subs bench.
Three months later we were engaged.
She was mine. Finally mine.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Yeah right.
I found her in the bathroom.
Passed out.
Vodka.
His picture.
The next day I left.
She begged me to stay.
She couldn’t live without me.
“Fuck you”
It was a fun night. I was the centre of attention.
I liked it that way.
He caught my eye immediately.
A few years older than me – nothing new there then.
He drove me home. He didn’t need asking twice if he wanted to come in.
He wasn’t a rebound. I’d given up hope with John, and I knew I had to move on.
And he helped me. Helped me so much.
He put a smile on my face.
Not that fake smile I was so good at.
A real smile.
But I couldn’t shake him off. John was always there.
John was my dream.
And then my dream came true.
John left his wife.
Telling him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It broke him. Crushed him. Crushed me too.
I was certain it was John I wanted.
Until then.
It never worked out.
It wasn’t John I liked. It was the thought of being with John.
Don’t get me wrong, we had a great few weeks – but then it started to go wrong.
I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.
John got back with his wife.
I sent him a text – he was in America.
“I need you.”
I didn’t think he’d respond. I was so fucking selfish.
But he did.
And it was amazing.
He asked me to marry him.
I couldn’t say yes quick enough.
The girls had come over. The drink was flowing.
You know how girls can talk.
That night we decided to exorcise John – get him out of my life forever.
Before I went to bed I took his picture out.
Was going to put it in the trash.
Never got that far. I passed out.
It never got that far.
I begged him to stay.
I pleaded with him.
He didn’t understand. Didn’t believe me.
The last words he said to me.
“Fuck You”
