Worst Job in the World!!! (quick read, 584 words) - Writers Forum

Dana_Johnson · 09-06-2007, 03:59 PM

Okay, I know this is horrible in the sense of proper grammar and punctuation. But I wrote this last year as a "creative speech" for my Speech 2 class. I was able to use this as my script, hence the horrible "...'s" and improper punctuation. For those of you have been in speech, it's much easier to read off your script if you try to "type the emotion".

Not looking for any critiques on grammar and punctuation, just thought I'd share a little diddle I was assigned to write last school year.

Enjoy if you can!

Worst Job in the World

Sometimes…I wonder if there’s a God. I sit here in my station wondering why…oh why did I have to get this job.

I hear people say how horrible their jobs are, how stressful the workplace is…but they’ve never, not once in their life, experienced what its like to do the job I do day in and day out.

Why do I hate my job you ask? Well I’ll tell you why. First of all…My office...smells like poop…all…the…time, except on occasion it smells like lemon-scented poop. The owners try cleaning it “when they get time.”

But for the most part, they fail horribly at making my office presentable. I also despise my workplace because of the fact that it’s so damn plain…plain white tiles on the walls, plain white tiles on the floor, plain white paint on the ceiling, plain white, white, white, WHITE, WHITE!!!!

But I guess I cannot complain too much…for I’m white as well. I will admit I’m a tad racist…all of my colleges are…brown, and they all smell sooooo bad! Ugh…they annoy me.

Now you may be thinking…”This sounds like my job, what’s so bad about that?” Well I bet you don’t have to work the hours I do. I start at 6 a.m. and usually work until about 10 p.m.

Most of the time I get the night off, but quite often I get called in for an emergency meeting at 2…3…even 4 in the morning, and I absolutely HATE THAT!!!

Ugh…What’s that? Oh you’re wondering what line of work I’m in…I must have forgotten to mention that. I view myself as a custodian of sorts…not your average one by any means, but I still clean up my college’s crappy messes.

And I’ve yet to get a promotion…I’ve been working at this firm crack of a job for 15 years now…and they still have me cleaning the basement!!! Its friggen ridiculous, the upstairs cleaning job is sooo much easier and pleasant, and it seems like every 3 months they get someone new instead of just promoting me!!!

It would be much more cost efficient to just put a current employee in the position than hire a new one…and I bet I’d work for less than these new guys.

It doesn’t bother me all that much though…they deserve their job I suppose. The only time it upsets me is when they talk about how bad their job is…cleaning this and that morning and night…but they’ve never experienced what it’s like to clean where I do….damn them anyhow.

Ugh…sorry about that little rant. Ahem, anyways…back to more details about my work.

Did you know I’m deathly afraid of water…and…and…and….everyday…after I’m done cleaning…my boss requires I…get in the water….I asked to go home through the waste disposal plant…but he insisted I use the…waterslide.

Waterslide…can’t be that bad right? Most people enjoy a good adventure down a waterslide…and how cool would it be to have one at work? Most people would love it…but when you have Aqua-phobia…you’d rather not ride the swirling tube of death…it…it just tears me to pieces…each and every time…it never, ever gets easier.

But what is there to do…I was born to do this job, it is my destiny…There isn’t a single thing I can do except bite the bullet and do the job I was meant to do…I cannot change who I am.

And all of you…all of you…had better be damn grateful, it is not easy having the Worst Job in the World….it – is – not – easy –being….Toilet Paper.

snorrie · 09-06-2007, 05:54 PM

AAAaaallllriighty then! Meanwhile, two thousand years later, back at the ranch... Okay so it was amusing. Fun read. Thanks.