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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 09-06-2007, 11:28 PM   #16
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I agree with Richie, in that the flow does seem very disjointed.

Also, the moment she finds out she'd won the lottery felt flat to me, partly because I could see it coming from a mile away, and partly because I really didn't care about the character. Come to think of it, I didn't really feel anything at all while I was reading this. That probably sounds horrible, but it's the truth.

Probably the biggest thing I noticed is that you need more variety in your sentence lengths and structure. The way it is now makes the story tedious to read, even though it's only 600 words. Luckily that's easily fixed, just takes a little finesse.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but do you read your work out loud when you're going back through it? If you haven't already, I suggest trying it. Works well for me, at least.
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Old 09-07-2007, 04:52 AM   #17
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Thanks, Frabes. I am currently trying different voices. I know this one sounds tedious now that yo mention it. I tend to go from one extreme to the other. I'll try to rewrite it to add variety. Thanks for the advice.
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