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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 09-03-2007, 03:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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snorrie is on a distinguished road
Advice(450 words)

Just a quick write...again. Any comments welcome.

“It’s quite simple actually,” Bob said from across the table. He slid two straps of one-hundred dollar bills in front of me. They still had the paper band around them from the bank—twenty-thousand dollars. “Just a quick bit of advice and we’ll both be happy when it’s over. I’m not asking for much. Just this one time and I’ll never come to you again for anything else as long as I live.” Bob gave me a sober smile, the kind I’d seen countless times before it was too late.

“You trust me that much with twenty grand?” What else could I say? It was his money, his yearly gross income which would be gone in less than a minute if I gave him the wrong advice.

Bob didn’t say anything for a while. I was hoping if I kept my mouth shut and didn’t make a move for the twenty thousand, he would lose his nerve and pick it up off the table, stuff it back into his suit and hightail it out of there. But he just looked at me without flinching, as if the money didn’t matter to him. “Well...what’s it gonna be? I don’t have all night. My wife and kids are waiting at home and I’m sure Barbara won’t be happy about her lasagna getting cold.”

Steve Winooski, my boss, was watching from across the room. It must have looked suspicious, me not making the transaction. I saw him reach for the phone, surely calling the guys upstairs to make certain nothing funny was going on. Now he was walking in our direction. Steve was straightening his tie on the way over. I almost laughed because I knew it was a clip on.

“Is there a problem, Dave?” He placed a firm hand on my shoulder and gave a good squeeze, letting me know that this wasn’t playtime. This was serious business and if I liked my job, I had better get on with it.

“No problem at all, Steve. I was just getting ready to call you over.” I gritted my teeth and kept my mouth shut. I didn’t even smile at Bob sitting across from me, sweat now glistening his forehead. Soon it would pour down his temple in one long ugly streak.

Steve nodded approval. “Go ahead.”

“Paper plays,” I called out and pushed the two stacks into the circle.

I dealt him a face card and a six of hearts, myself a bullet. The ace of spades was quite ugly, considering the amount of money being wagered.

First Bob considered his sixteen, then my ace showing on the felt like a gun pressed to his head. When I finally offered insurance against my possble blackjack, he then looked up at me in a helpless manner and asked, “Advice?”

Last edited by snorrie : 09-03-2007 at 04:26 AM.
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Old 09-03-2007, 06:59 AM   #2
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I liked this a lot. Even though I'm hopeless with anything to do with cards I still pretty much know what's going on. Is it part of something bigger? I like the way you don't give up what's happening straight away, that hooked me and made me carry on reading.

I loved these lines, its giving the reader a secret almost if that makes any sense: Steve was straightening his tie on the way over. I almost laughed because I knew it was a clip on.

Great work!
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Last edited by SammyMJ : 09-03-2007 at 07:01 AM.
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Old 09-03-2007, 07:11 AM   #3
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It's lousy odds, don't do it Bob!

Should've stuck to odds/evens on roulette if you were going to bet that much...
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Old 09-03-2007, 12:32 PM   #4
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Thanks for the comments guys. Yes, this will be something bigger. I'm still tweaking my prose though. I've been contemplating writing about my experiences as a blackjack dealer and I'm almost ready. Well see. And yes it is horrible odds...Don't do it, Bob!
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