Richie.S

It was late; we decided to turn in for the night and still weren’t getting on.

I was dependant on my wife; she provided the income we survived upon.
We had discussed splitting up, but I really couldn’t agree with it.

To look into my wife’s eyes was pure bliss; I couldn’t imagine a life without them — they made me feel alive; but she felt differently now: I don’t know why.

She fell asleep immediately: I just lay there thinking about her and the way she used to look at me.
Her eyes were the foundation of my life; everything that made me feel real; every morning I turned over I looked into those eyes — it made me want to get up and live.

But she’d said she was leaving and in this night-time I made a decision; the way she looked at me would remain even after she’d gone.

When I was sure she was sound asleep, and I couldn’t help myself, I took the paper knife from the bureau in our room and cut those beautiful eyes from her head; if she had to go she could, but her eyes would remain with me. It was my life.

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criticism is the engine beneath the hood of perfection
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Stuff I've posted in the past is still worthy of being critiqued. Please check it out and have your say. I will return the favour.

Johnna

That guy is seriously psychotic.

When you post, it helps to space out the text a bit more. I think you should change the semicolon in the last sentence to a period for better flow.

Good little story.

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Richie.S

Johnna, thanks for the tip on the last semicolon. Rereading what I've wrote and replacing the semi colon with a period, as you've observed, does work better - many thanks for that.
Not quite sure what you meaning about spacing out the text a bit more; new font? double spacing? let me know.

thanks & regards

__________________
criticism is the engine beneath the hood of perfection
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stuff I've posted in the past is still worthy of being critiqued. Please check it out and have your say. I will return the favour.

Johnna

It just makes it easier to read if you add an extra blank line in between each paragraph. I'm not saying change the format of the story; it's just for posting here. Anyway, it's no big deal, don't worry about it.

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Richie.S

Being able to write effectively is a goal I'd like to achieve. Any comments given in this forum I whole heartedly receive and in doing so I hope to become a better writer.
I respect your view and hopefully taking on board what you have said will lead me to my goal.
Thanks for the comments

all the best
Richie

__________________
criticism is the engine beneath the hood of perfection
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stuff I've posted in the past is still worthy of being critiqued. Please check it out and have your say. I will return the favour.