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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 08-30-2007, 10:40 PM   #1
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Mini Story

I call this a mini story because I believe it is shorter than a short story. Since the word mini is literally shorter than short I entitled the thread this way.

Wrote this for an exercise on another site, I just wanted to put out an example of my work. Please criticize if need be.


(244 words)

A First

Two cigarettes lie wasted in an ashtray while a third burned slow. Jack's eyes shifted nervously around the room before settling once again on Hailey. She stared back at him with cool, intimidating eyes. Her silky red dress covered little and flowed vividly atop the matching sheets. Brushing black hair over her ear Hailey lowered her gaze and smiled. Her teeth shined, perhaps due to the contrast of the copious amount of lipstick she wore. Hailey patted the bed softly, signaling Jack over. Jack rose and made his way cautiously. Slowly he unzipped his jacket and sat on the bed.

"You seem nervous, it's ok everybody is their first time." Hailey put a hand on his shoulder and gently whispered.

"How did you know?" Jack inquired.

"I can always tell." Hailey stated, flashing another smile.

Hailey's hands ran up his neck and around his head sending tingles down his spine. Her hands knew this route well, and performed with grace. Jack took a deep breath and turned submitting himself to her lust. Nervousness, and excitement formed a tornado of emotion within Jack. This was a dark alley for him, but casually Hailey sparked a match to light the way.

Sweat glistened Jack's forehead as he rose to leave. The stagnant air stung his nostrils as he breathed deeply.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jack said.

"Of course." Hailey replied.

"What is your real name?"

Hailey flashed an all too familiar smile and winked.
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Old 08-31-2007, 04:05 AM   #2
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What's the exercise?
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Old 08-31-2007, 07:11 AM   #3
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Write a story using 250 words or less.
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Old 08-31-2007, 07:06 PM   #4
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For being under 250 words that was pretty good. Good character development in such a short time. Good work.
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Old 09-08-2007, 07:38 PM   #5
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I really liked it, but I'm really lost.
Is "Hailey" a prostitute?
How is the smile "all too familiar?"

I need a sequel to explain the unanswered questions! =P
No but really, it was good and I look forward to reading more from you.

P.S. what website are these writing exercises on? I'd really like to participate in some.
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