How To Fight Loneliness - Writers Forum

mybluehell · 08-30-2007, 10:00 PM

How To Fight loneliness~~~~~~
~~~~

The first thing she ever gave me was a tape she had made, some mix. This was when we first started seeing eachother, some autumn, some time ago. I was ecstatic. I love mix tapes.

When she saw how happy I was she said, " You can't listen to it now, though."

"Why not?" Me thinking it was just some cutesy game she was playing.

"You just can't."

"Well," I smiled, kissed her, "When then?"

"When we break up. It's a break up tape."

I was dumbfounded, but by the look on her face I knew she was serious.

"Okay...."

"Now you have to make me one. And I won't listen until we break up."

"Well, what if we don't break up?" Me with my foot in my mouth.

“Oh come on Sydney. What, are we gonna get married?”

“No. Maybe. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. Anyway, doesn’t it take some of the fun and romance out of it when you already put the other book-end on the shelf? When you number all the blank pages right from the beginning?” I examined the tape. No track listing.

“No. It means we’ll have no delusions about what we have. None of that ‘taking for granted’ shit. Besides,” she kissed me, “If we never have to listen to them, then we can play them at each other’s funerals when we’re old.” She smiled that smile I’d see so many times after that. But that day it just pulled at me.

Later on I made her two tapes. One she could listen to, and then the one she’d requested. The latter was far too difficult. I imagined breaking up, or at least tried to imagine, and I kept thinking I’d never leave her. So she’d be the one dumping me, and accordingly I put songs on the tape that I thought would make her miss me. Even some songs I wrote.

--------------------------------------------

So I’m holding that tape, sitting in my favorite chair. Two years later.

The rest of her belongings, even a great deal of my belongings…things she gave me, things that remind me of her, are piled haphazardly in three boxes. Those boxes just glare at me and mock me.

But not as much as this tape.

What could she have possibly put on here? I can’t even believe I’ve held on to it for this long. But now I can finally hear its contents.

The first song is a sad tune. I don’t recognize it but listening to the words, it sounds like a love song. No anger or hurt in it at all.

The second song starts and I recognize this one. Another love song.

Same with the third, fourth. Halfway through the fifth I nearly break my tape deck ripping the tape out. Throwing it across the room.

It’s a love mix. She’d had the same idea I did.

Now I can’t remember who broke up with whom. Maybe it was amicable, mutual. Maybe not.

This morning I washed my ashtray, now it’s full and the clock reads only 1:17 pm. My coffee pot is drained.

I consider the bottles of New Castle in the fridge, but decide that it would make this process more painful.

Scrolling through the contacts list in my cel phone, my little black book as it were. I find no one I can stand to see right now.

I wonder if she still has her tape, if she’s listening to it.

Sunday afternoon, no one is at my work but I decide to go in. Getting ahead on my projects but those songs keep playing through my head.

The songs I recognize were songs she always played, and I can’t help but think she’d had this plan all along. Either she wanted me to miss her and come back, or she wanted me to miss her and be miserable.

Fuck work, I’m going home.

Stop to buy some dirty magazines, videos, some rum. I don’t use any of them. Just play guitar and smoke cigarette after cigarette. Not even really smoking, just holding them in my mouth as I play.

I’m not even sad. Just painfully apathetic. Painfully numb.

Dr. Strangelove, my rottweiler, sniffs at something in the corner of the living room, paws at it.

It’s the tape, and she picks it up with her mouth. I pet her and gently remove it from her mouth. Wipe the drool off, put it back in the stereo.

“…how to fight loneliness, just smile all the time…”I let the rest of side A play through, petting Dr. Strangelove.

My phone rings for the fourteenth time today. The caller i.d. reads her number.

Don’t know why but I decide to answer this time.

“You know, you are such a bitch.”

“You are such an ass hole,”

Both simultaneously when I pick up.

“That fucking tape you made isn’t a break up tape.”

“Neither is yours!”

“Well, you started it.”

“But I told you what to do. Don’t you remember?”

“Of course. But you started it. The tape you gave me wasn’t what you told me to make.”

Silence. Doctor licks my hand, I pet her, mapping out what I should say next…carefully.

But then out of nowhere the words “You wanna come over?” come out of my mouth.

“You wanna get coffee?” She says at the same time.

I hate it when we do this.

“Just…come over. You have stuff here.”

“Yeah, I have a bunch of stuff you left at my place, too.”

---------------------------

We sit in different chairs and listen to the tapes we made for each other.

“God, I hate this song now,” I keep saying. Wincing at my choice of music only two years ago.

“I like it,” she keeps saying.

We put hers in.

“I can’t believe I put that on here,” she keeps saying when each song comes on.

“Why did we make these?”

“Well, it worked didn’t it?”

Half smiles on our faces.

“I don’t know…did it?” It doesn’t matter who says this. Maybe me, maybe her.

“You want some wine?” I ask, already moving to get myself some.

“Sure.”

Mr Write · 08-31-2007, 09:45 AM

That’s really good, is it a true story?
If so are you still together now?
Only one thing , on the line “So I’m holding that tape, sitting in my favorite chair. Two years later” isn't it spelt favourite.
Great story anyway!

Mike C · 08-31-2007, 10:12 AM

That's really quite cool. I can't think of anything bad to say about it.

Send it somewhere.

Non Serviam · 08-31-2007, 11:05 AM

[quote=Mr Write;972123]isn't it spelt favourite.[/quote]

Not in the US.

Foxee · 08-31-2007, 11:22 AM

This is a great read! Unusual, well put together, held my interest all the way through. Very satisfying ending.

Submit it!

mybluehell · 08-31-2007, 03:17 PM

thanks to all who responded.

No, it's not a real story and the girl it's based on is long gone from my life, doing modeling.

But i think i will submit this now, so i greatly appreciate the feedback.

Eiji Tunsinagi · 08-31-2007, 03:35 PM

Hey! I really liked this. Where are you going to submit to? (if you don't mind me asking...)

One complaint. The name fits the piece, true, but I don't think it's a really catching title IMO. Anyway, I did like it so what's it matter.

SeanFields · 08-31-2007, 03:57 PM

This story made me cry...thanks

Oh and don't change the title.....It's apropriate kinda of like a "How-To"

Dana_Johnson · 08-31-2007, 04:21 PM

Very good write, I enjoyed it quite alot. I would suggest having a friend proof read it for you as I came across a few spelling/grammatical errors and awkward pauses. But other than that this is very well done.

Best of luck,
Dana

the_Cloud · 08-31-2007, 04:52 PM

Really enjoyed that

Blood_Writer · 08-31-2007, 05:28 PM

Enjoyed it. Well - Written.

Nothin' much else to say.

BW.

Dana_Johnson · 08-31-2007, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Scrolling through the contacts list in my cel phone, my little black book as it were. I find no one I can stand to see right now.

Before you submit it anywhere, make sure to fix mistakes like "cell phone." Just a reminder.

FictionFan · 09-01-2007, 05:40 PM

Hey there. I personally like the title (it's a really good song too) and the dialogue is good for the most part (especially the femaie voice).

I hate to be the only critic in the thread but I find this story contrived. I know everyone else is loving this thing and it's totally possible I am missing the point. What were you going for? Were you trying to portray a co-dependent relationship? What did you have in mind for this piece?

~fictionfan

Beccerella · 09-01-2007, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FictionFan

I hate to be the only critic in the thread but I find this story contrived. I know everyone else is loving this thing and it's totally possible I am missing the point. What were you going for? Were you trying to portray a co-dependent relationship? What did you have in mind for this piece?

~fictionfan

Hey. I really enjoyed that. It's very well written and is kind of cutsy and romantic. But I have to ask the same questions as "fictionfan". I don't quite understand it as a stand alone piece. It doesn't quite explain itself. But I really did love it. Hope to read more like it on here.

mybluehell · 09-01-2007, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beccerella

Hey. I really enjoyed that. It's very well written and is kind of cutsy and romantic. But I have to ask the same questions as "fictionfan". I don't quite understand it as a stand alone piece. It doesn't quite explain itself. But I really did love it. Hope to read more like it on here.

I can see what you both mean, Beccerella & fictionfan.
It doesn't necessarily have any concrete ending or conclusion. I guess what i was going for was to relate the feeling of frustration when you are faced with loss. Whether to be mad or sad, to drink or otherwise "numb" yourself, or to just take it for what it's worth and go from there.

I hadn't even intended for it to end the way that it did, but it's just how the story played out in my mind. Maybe i'm a hopeless romantic and want things to work out for the best in the end. There are more like this, and maybe i'll eventually string them together somehow.

At any rate, thank you all so much for the feedback.