abba12

Hi.. I havent posted here before but I'm after somewhere new to post my stories and poems, where I might actually get feedback. So here goes. I wrote this as a school assignment. I'm definitly better with poetry but this turned out better than I expected.

Please note, if you had ties to any of the bombings recently this may be a trigger, please approch it with caution, I dont want to upset anyone.





Ryan sat at the table, looking at his watch once again. Its 6:15, she should have been here already he thought to himself. He looked out all the windows again, straining to see her in the fading daylight, but she was nowhere in sight. He tapped his fingers against the table, nerves getting to him. It's the night he planned to propose and he couldn't help but feel a little anxious. Where IS she? He wondered yet again. The place was packed and he watched as men and women walked through the door to the restaurant. A thin young woman who looked as if she should have been a model strutted in, then an older gentleman with a greying beard. A bulky young man walked in next and Ryan noticed that he looked disproportionate, that his size was larger than his arms and face would imply, as they were much more suited to a thinner body.

Ryan checked his watch again 6:20... He stood up to walk to the window at the side of the restaurant. It was a beautiful view of Sydney. The restaurant was located within the Sydney Opera House. Leyla, his girlfriend, was definitely the artistic type, and they had visited the Opera House together on many occasions. In fact this is where they first met, both attending La Boheme last year, they had been seated together and hit it off while speaking about the show before it began. He was amazed when he met her, they just agreed on so much. He had never found a young woman his age that shared his passion of the arts. It was almost a dream that they had been so well matched for each other, and the past year had just floated by for them both. He sat for awhile, reminiscing on the times they had spent together. Finally he looked down at his watch again 6:30... She's a half hour late now... she's never late, maybe she found out what I was planning and doesn't want to... Maybe something's happened to her he thought to himself as he began to panic. He decided to go call her.

As he stood up he felt himself being thrown forward by an unexplainable force, followed by piercing screams from all around him. A sharp stinging pain shot through his leg and he realised that one of the screams was coming from his own mouth. He stopped and rolled onto his back to be greeted by a fiery scene. The entire room, or at least what was left of it, was on fire. He realised he needed to get out as he began to cough from the smoke. People were running, screaming, down the stairs to the left, trying to get out. He stood to move out with the crowd and as he ran down the stairs he tried to piece together what had just happened, as many other people were most likely doing. Someone in the kitchen started a fire? But that wouldn’t give off the force it did... it was like... an explosion? But how would that happen? A gas leak? But there were more important things to figure out at that time then what happened.

He started to herd people down the stairs, telling them which way to go. Then he, and another man also helping to get people out, jogged over to an elderly couple. Both the elderly people used walking frames and couldn’t get down the stairs, but the escalators were towards the rapidly spreading flames and probably inoperable anyway. "How do we get them down?" the man asked Ryan. Ryan stopped to think for a minute They look pretty frail.. He thought. "They look pretty frail, they're probably fairly light, maybe we can each carry one down, piggy-back?" He yelled back over the crashing of some wood falling. He helped the older man onto the back of the younger man who was to carry him out and those two headed off. Ryan then kneeled down to pull the woman onto his own back. "What about my walking frame?", the woman asked as they were about to head down the stairs. Ryan grabbed it and began his long slow trek down the stairs.

Only a short way down he realised he couldn’t make it while carrying rhe frame. He looked down to see that the other man, carrying the elderly man, had also discarded the frame, as it was lying at the bottom of the stairway. "I have to throw it away, I'm sorry" he yelled to the woman as he too threw the frame down the stairs, and continued to move down them at a slow pace, keeping the woman on his back. She gripped him tightly as they both heard a crash, and some of the roof above them fell in a flaming mess. The fire had spread upstairs and was moving down them, chasing Ryan and his passenger. As he moved down the stairs as fast as he could he saw the crowd of people running to the hall that led to the door out. They were like ants, running for shelter from the rain that was the flames. The explosion was in more than just the café. It was by the wall that was shared with the largest auditorium, spreading the fire there too.

Finally he reached the bottom of the stairs, only to see that some of the flaming roof had landed on the frames, making them too difficult to try and pull out. "Can you walk on the flat floor?" he asked the woman on his back. She shook her head "I put all my weight on the frame, I'm too weak without it" she cried softly. So Ryan began to walk slowly to the door, carrying the woman. By this time everyone had left that area of the building, and the fire was spreading all around.

Ryan walked as fast as he could, when he heard a faint cry coming from some rubble. He looked over to see two children, no more than 4 or 5, lying under it, with flames coming closer from all sides. "Sir, help us!" one screamed as loudly as she could while her chest was being crushed by the wood. As Ryan turned he saw that the fire was too close, and it seemed as if at least one child's leg was broken because of the slab on it and the blood running down... He knew he couldn’t carry both the children and the woman and suddenly realised the choice he was faced with. He looked around for anyone else as he prayed to the Lord that he wouldn’t have to make this decision himself. But no one appeared and he realised if he stalled any longer the fire would reach the children. "Let me go" whispered the woman, realising the situation. "I haven’t got long left anyway, and they still have their whole lives ahead of them. Save them, I'll try and find a way out on my own". With tears streaming from his eyes Ryan realised what he had to do. He let the woman down, and ran over to the children in the rubble.

With haste he pulled away the wood and iron on the young ones as they cried, terrified of dying and watching the flames come ever closer. A crash sounded as more roofing fell down, and this only made Ryan work faster. As he got the top layer off, the children began to try and free themselves, throwing off smaller things that they could lift. Ryan could feel the heat from the flames intensely as he pulled off the last plank of wood. Grabbing the children, he ran as the fire began to consume the pile that they were under. He ran through the hall, only noticing the piles of rubble where the woman once lie but knowing waiting to find her would only get them all killed, as his suspicion was correct that not one but both children had broken limbs. He was in such a surreal mindset because of the disaster before him, that he wasn’t even conscious of what was happening around him. All logical thought had ceased, all emotion blank, as his mind filled with the need to escape and save these little ones. He ran out the door of what used to be the Opera House, children in arms, and right over to the ambulances lined up outside, caring for people. "Help! Both of these kids are bleeding heavily, please!" he screamed as he ran to the doctors and nurses.

A woman took the kids, while another made Ryan sit as she examined his leg. It was only now Ryan realised how badly injured he was. He had a shard of glass embedded into him, and was bleeding badly. He vaguely remembered a sharp sting when the explosion happened. How could I not notice that..? How could I have run like I did with that stuck in my leg? Ryan took some time to breathe and try to figure out what had just happened, what was going on in his mind. He couldn’t figure it out and he had a splitting headache. He fell into tears as the adrenalin and shock began to wear off, leaving him open to all that was around him.

The tears ran down his face as he saw the image of the woman, lying under the rubble, dying, and he didn’t help her. He couldn’t help her. He thought of the old man who thought he would protect her. And he felt guilt. He knew he had no choice, but still, guilt. He looked up at the doctor tending to him "What have I done?..." he asked earnestly, but knowing the doctor couldn’t understand, couldn’t know what was shooting through his mind at that time. How could anyone understand? I let an elderly woman die in there, I should have tried something else, I could have done something... "You can go. Wait around for an empty ambulance, but your case is a lower priority right now. You're all bandaged up and should be able to walk" the doctor informed him. Ryan looked at the doctor, to see that he, too, had tears in his eyes from the shock and devastation of the scene around him. Ryan got up and walked around. He had no aim, nowhere to go.

He just looked around for somewhere he might be helpful. Somewhere he could help save someone else. He felt in his shocked state that maybe if he could help enough people it would make up for what he had done. But he knew he could never forgive himself for the horrible choice he had been forced to make. He found himself going over all the events that had occurred since he stood up in the café, thinking of what he might have been able to do differently. He looked up just in time to see the children he had saved being carried to an ambulance, both alive. As the ambulance drove off he couldn’t help but smile. Maybe I did the right thing... now those two have the opportunity to grow up and see things for themselv...

His thought was cut off as he felt himself being flung forward for the second time, immense heat around him. This time he was closer to the bomber, and was thrown further. He landed hard on the street amidst more screams, further from the Opera House than most people, separated from the others by the line of ambulances. This time he wasn’t screaming, he couldn’t. And this time he didn’t sit up to look, he was flat on his back and couldn’t move a thing. He felt blood trickling down his left leg which he saw to be at a skewed angle, much like his arm. He was covered with burns simply from being so close to the bomb. He tried to call for help, but it was no more than a gurgle, and he realised his time was up. What the heck is happening?... I don’t understand. There's no kitchen out here. The only thing that could cause that sort of force is a bomb... The bulky man? No, he couldn’t be... why would he?...


He turned his head to the left to see a small blue box. It was the box he had kept the ring in. He was reminded of his girlfriend and began to cry. And he was happy, happy that she had been late and never arrived, happy that she wasn’t able to come. Whatever had happened to keep her couldn’t possibly be worse than being here, right now, and watching this destruction or being within it as he now was. He dreamed of her, closing his eyes. And he thought he heard her voice. It was all so realistic. "RYAN!" he heard her scream as his eyes shot open. She was running towards him in her small black dress, tears beginning to run down her face. "RYAN!" she screamed again as she fell to her knees beside him. "Oh Ryan! What's happened!? What's going on!? Please, speak to me!" she cried hysterically by his side. But he knew his time was up. "I love you" he tried to say, but it came only as a gurgling sound to her ears, scaring her more. She took his hand, the one on the broken arm, tightly. She realised what Ryan had realised as he was first thrown. In desperation to make a final statement to his love he remembered the ring. Slowly he moved his unbroken arm up, until he finally clasped the box it was in. She saw it and took the box from him, confused. As she opened the lid she began to cry more, tears running down her face as she understood the statement that ring made. And as she looked back to her love she saw his eyes close, and felt his pulse stop. And she saw the smile upon his face, that he had the opportunity to see her, one last time.

kaytea111

awe..thats so sadd :... I cried. really good job..well written

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Fossy

Wow, you've done a great job. This needs a little trimming and tightening just some little stuff, but it's really good.

What prompted you to write this? I'm just interested that's all, as It's very much like Bali. Did you know someone that died over there? Very sad and a good ending.

Keep up the good work, you have a huge amount of potential.

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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.

abba12

I didnt have anyone that died in bali, but being an australian and 12 at the time it hit me pretty hard. the school assignment was given to me a few days after the police raided another house and found things for bombs earlier this year, so it was on my mind. the story was to have an element of romance but we were told not to do a traditional story, but something original. I had been thinking about how each of the people that died in the bombings were real people with lives, reasons to be there, plans, things going on, and how all that was cut short. It just sort of happened. I guess this was a tribute to them.

Thanks so much for the great comments, I appriciate it.

Colwyn Quaffer

That really got to me.
I can't really give you a technical opinion but on a raw stomach level I thought it was brilliant.

Triquediqual

Few typo errors, apart from that really splendid and enjoyable to peruse.

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Zensati

Wow. good story.

Leej47

I liked the story...alot. I think that the are some words in that that could be deleted, making the descriptions tighter. But I also would like to see some more adverbs. Not alot, but just a few more to bring more emotion and frame of reference to the action.

I must say, this could be the best short story i have read on the site so far.

abba12

wow.. thats quite a compliment! lol

Thank you everyone for the great feedback, i really appriciate it. I never thought much of this story, it was a school assignment, thats all. But I've gotten alot of good feedback from alot of people, so thanks